Ruminations of The Renaissance Man

Gran Torino

2009-02-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

I'm just gonna throw it out there. Gran Torino is the best movie of the 2008 season. It's better than Slumdog, better than the Dark Knight or Ironman, better than Benjamin Button, and it's a damn sight better than Milk, The Reader, or Frost/Nixon. Gran Torino is a film that tells a story that takes the viewer through the whole spectrum of human emotion, and that's rare.

Clint Eastwood stars, directs, and produces the film. That right there should assure you of it's quality, as the two of the previous films he did that for, 1992's Unforgiven, and 2004's Million Dollar Baby, took both best director and best picture. I've been very impressed with the transition Eastwood has made in his career, coming all the way from the "idiot of the plains" in Rawhide, to esteemed actor, and now to one of the best directors and producers in the business.

Eastwood performs as Walt Kowalski. An aging Korean War veteran who spent most of his life working in the Ford assembly plants in Detroit. Mr. Kowalski is a hard, prejudiced, and politically incorrect man. He still lives in the mindset of the 1950s, with good and the bad that brings. He's a hard worker, and he has high expectations of himself and those around him. He's also very judgemental, and over the course of the film uses racial epithets with casual ease. Eastwood's acting is amazing here. A little snort here, a scowl there, and even before he opens his mouth, you have a full understanding of how set in his ways this man is.

The acting is great beyond Eastwood too. The film used a large number of Hmong actors with little or no previous experience. Bee Vang and Ahney Her play Thao and Sue Vang Lor, respectively. Thao is a young Hmong boy who has to deal with the gangs that roam the neighborhood, and Sue is a sassy lippy girl who assimilated into American culture with much more ease than the rest of her extensive family. Both of them do a great job at their roles.

Christopher Casey acts as Father Janovich, Mr. Kowalski's Catholic priest, who promised Walt's wife to look after him after she passed on. Janovich is devout, intelligent, and very naive. He spends most of the film serving as the concience for Walt, despite Walt's wishes.

Gran Torino begins in mourning. Walt Kowalski's wife has passed away, and he stand's beside his wife's casket, watching his family shuffle into the pews of the church for the funeral service. They disgust him. One grandson is dressed in a Roy Williams Detroit Lions jersey, his granddaughter is dressed in a far more revealing outfit than a girl her age should wear, and his other grandson is so irreverent it's sickening. Father Janovich delivers a weak eulogy, and the wake, back at Mr. Kowalski's house in Highland Park, is marred by his spoiled family.

As Mr. Kowalski goes out for a chew with his dog, Daisy, he notices yet another Hmong family moving into the neighborhood. This one right next door. Thao and Sue are part of this family. The Hmong are the indigenous hill people of Laos, Vietnam, and Thailand. They supported the US in the Vietnam War, but when America lost interest, they were slaughtered by Vietnamese forces. Many Hmong became refugees and sought asylum in the US. Most settled in the northern mid west, Minnesota, Michigan, and Wisconsin. Walt just sees them as another bunch of Gooks.

Thao is a shy, introspective kid, who is often picked on by mexican and african gangs. His cousin, "Spider", leads a Hmong gang, that protects him, and pushes him to join. His rite of initiation is to steal a 1972 Gran Torino fastback, a car owned, and built, by one Walter Kowalski. Thao breaks into Walt's garage in the night, waking up the old man. Walt immediately goes to his old army footlocker, and pulls out an M-1 Garand and rushes to defend his property. Walt catches Thao, and was inches away from turning the kid's head into a fine mist, but a coughing fit give Thao enough of a distraction to make his escape.

The next night, the gang is displeased with Thao's failure, and come to Thao's house to take him for another try. This does not make his older sister Sue very happy. There's a tussle, and the whole Hmong clan pretty much winds up out in the yard yelling and shoving. The altercation soon crosses property lines as Thao try to run, and a gang member tackles him, only to look up into the muzzle of Kowalski's M-1. "Get off my lawn..." Walt growls. The gang members relent, and the Hmong are amazed at Mr. Kowalski. They're so thankful for Walt saving Thao from the gang, that they leave gifts for him, ranging from flower bouquets, to whole chickens. Walt is flabbergasted at their affection, as he just wanted to be left alone.

The Hmong clan sends Thao to work for Mr. Kowalski as penance for his attempt at stealing the car. At first, Walt is dismissive, but as he watches the boy work, he begins to appreciate the situation the the kid is in. He begins to work with Thao and Sue to help them improve their lives. Acting as a mentor to Thao, and a friend to Sue, Walt begins to realize how much he has in common with them. He softens to them internally, while externally he remains as grizzled and profane as ever. As events unfold however, he comes to a dark realization. Thao and Sue will never have a real chance at a peaceful life as long as the gangs still have their hold on the neighborhood.

The movie is kind of like the muscle car it's named for. It's sleek and somewhat unadorned. The film is all skill and no budget. There are no real amazing special effects, but the editing is some of the best I've ever seen. There isn't a big name pop soundtrack, but the score is suited perfectly to the film. It's kind of bare-bones. Like an old Gran Torino you see on a used car lot. Kind of a spectre, but the power is there.

Speaking of spectres, it feels as if the ghosts of Eastwood's previous roles are haunting this film. Walt Kowalski's character could easily be Harry Callahan in retirement, or if the film were set in an earlier time, it could be the last ride of The Man With No Name. With the feel of the character, and the powerful ending of the film, I could easily see this as being Eastwood's swan song as an actor. It almost felt like his way of saying goodbye to that part of his life. I hope he remains as a director though.

You will laugh during this film. You will be filled with righteous fury. You will be at peace. You will be proud. You will feel sorrow. This film will move you. It will stir every emotion. This movie is as good as I could ask for.

Gran Torino is 116 minutes long. It as awarded a 72 on Metacritic. I was very impressed. This film went beyond my already high expectations of it. I'm going to give it a 10/10.

Drink of the Moment: Harvey Wallbanger

2009-02-02T17:45:00.000-08:00

This is a drink for when you want to just cut out, and get blasted in a hurry. Perfect for trying to forget the Steelers winning the Super Bowl. It tastes good, goes down easy, and is easy to mix.

The drink first cropped up in California in the 1950s, and spread across the nation when it became the featured cocktail of TWA. I guess it works well for curing a fear of flying too. In the words of Modern Drunkard Magazine, this cocktail says that...

You, or someone a lot like you, will inspire Alcoholics Anonymous to abandon the twelve-step program in favor of indiscriminate Tasing.

Sounds about right.

To make this drink, you will need Vodka, Orange Juice, and Galliano. Take 1.5 ounces of Vodka and 3 ounces orange juice, pour both into a Highball glass on the rocks. Stir the mixture, then float half an ounce of Galliano. Then garnish with a cherry or an orange slice. Take a sip, and picture yourself trying to convince everyone that there's something on the wing.

The drink is surprisingly potent. The story behind the name is that supposedly at the party where this drink was invented, a guest named Harvey had a few, then spent the next day banging his head against the wall cursing the drink. I could see that happening easily. The main variation that I know of is called the Hillary Wallbanger, and it substitutes the Vodka in favor of white wine. It's a lot weaker, but if you don't want to kill yourself, it's a good option. See you at the bar.

Super Bowl... sigh

2009-02-02T17:04:00.000-08:00

I hate the Steelers. Let's just get that out of the way now. We won't get into the reasons for that, but it's just the way it is. As such, I really hated the outcome of Super Bowl XLIII.

I'm no Cardinals fan either, but I can root for Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald, and Anquan Boldin. I desperately wanted the Steelers to lose, and I guess, by extension, the Cardinals to win. The Cardinals defense had done a pretty good job up until the final drive by the Steelers, so I had allowed myself to think that the phenomenal catch and run by Fitzgerald might have been enough to put those "don-ton yinsers" in their place. Alas, it was not to be. The defense sat in zone coverage and allowed the Steelers to cut a path down the field, leading to the Santonio Holmes TD. Then the Cardinals took the field again, and did a good job of working down the field, up until Kurt Warner's fumble. I was pissed, and took out my frustration on Guitar Hero III.

Both teams played fairly well, though the clusterfuck of penalties was a little disconcerting. There was a marked difference between the Cardinals of the first half, and the Cards of the second half. One thing that really irked me was James Harrison's punching a down Cardinals player in the back of the head. That got shelved right next to Joey Porter's blasting a crippled Todd Heap on the stack of things that make me hate the Steelers. There's a line between being a hard nosed, tough player, and being a dirty player. Harrison crossed that line. I've seen too many Steelers cross that line.

But look on the bright side. Everyone is undefeated today...

Sigh

2009-02-01T13:21:00.000-08:00

I was browsing Youtube the other day, and I accidently discovered there is no god.

If there is a just and loving god in the heavens, this movie will be buried, and whoever came up with this idea will be fired. Out of a cannon. Into the sun.

Fixing College Football: The Apartheid of the Mid Majors

2009-01-28T22:50:00.000-08:00

Teams in Mid Major conferences have no realistic chance at winning the national title. Their only real hope is to be the top team in the mid majors for an extended stretch, then pray that a BCS conference decides to expand. Even then, there are limited opportunities, and the last time this occurred was when the Big East expanded in 2005. Three teams have moved up from the mid majors to be able to contend in the last 4 years. This is an unacceptable situation.

The other side of the coin, however, is that often times when a highly touted mid major team rips through their schedule and win a berth in a decent bowl game, they find themselves outclassed by BCS conference teams that placed 2 or 3 slots below them in the standings of their conference. It's a fact that the inability to be competitive has caused the Mid Majors to stagnate, creating a disparity that cannot be easily repaired. The Mid Majors are easier conferences, and one of my key tenants is the standardization of schedules.

The question becomes, how can I reconcile the disparity in scheduling with the unfair policy of locking the mid majors schools out. To that, I look at football, of a sort. The English Premier League utilizes a system of promotion and relegation to ensure that the top conferences always have the top teams. This is the solution. The champion of the Mid Major conference will be promoted to the BCS conference, and the last place team of the BCS conference will be demoted to the mid major conference. This way, any school is no more than a year away from being eligible for a national title.

Each BCS conference will be wedded to a Mid Major conference, those links will be unveiled as I unveil the new mid major conference configurations.

From the Vault: Casshern

2009-01-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

I own a ridiculous amount of movies. Some are good, some are bad, some are classics, and some are cult films. In an effort to jump start a more regular blogging pattern, I'm going to pull one off the shelf at random every other Wednesday, and review it. We're going to kick this off with a Japanese import. The film is called Casshern.

What is it?: Casshern is the live action adaptation of the 1973 Japanese animated series Neo-Human Casshern. It was among the first films to use a green screen back lot almost exclusively.

Where did I get it?: From the discount bin at Hollywood Video.

Why?: I had watched a couple of Protomen Youtube Music Videos using the film. It looked amazing. The next day I went to rent a movie, and there it was. It was like fate.

What is it about?: Casshern chronicles a world at the end of a 50 year war that has devastated the planet. The Eastern Federation defeated the robotic armies of Europa, but the price was high. The environment was laid to waste, and because of this, disease and famine run rampant throughout the world. Most of the leaders of the Eastern Federation are dying slowly from a multitude of maladies related to the high levels of contamination.

But there is still hope. A brilliant scientist named Dr. Azuma has discovered Neo-Cells. Found only in a certain ethnic group, who are essentially pure breed humans, Neo-Cells can become any body part, transplanted without fear of rejection... stop me if you've heard this before. The military quickly backs Dr. Azuma with copious amounts of funding. Soon, Dr. Azuma's work is flourishing, whole banks of organs and limbs have been constructed, and the testing is preparing to move into the next phase.

However, tragedy strikes Dr. Azuma's life. His son, Tetsuya, had been serving in the military fighting against the terrorists in Zone Seven. A trap left by the enemy killed Tetsuya, and the military was bringing the body back home. At the same time, disaster strikes Dr. Azuma's work. Lightning crashes into the lab, causing the banks of organs and limbs to reconstitute themselves into sapient beings. The military cracks down almost immediately, killing most of them. But a few of these "Neo-Sapiens" escape into the wilderness. His son dead, and his work in shambles, Dr. Azuma gets a crazy idea. He takes his son's corpse, and dips it into the goo left behind by the escaped Neo-Sapiens. Tetsuya is reborn, and like Steve Austin, he's better, stronger, faster than he was before. However, his new found strength is tearing his body apart, and he's forced into a special suit of armor designed by his fiance's father.

The Neo-Sapiens that escaped fight their way through the unforgiving wilderness, and find an abandoned castle. This castle was one of Europa's automated robot production facilities. With the robotic armies of Europa at their command, they swear vengeance upon the Eastern Federation. In one of their early attacks, they blast into the facility where Tetsuya is being kept. As Tetsuya fights them off, he realizes that he's the only one who can fight against these superhumans. As he begins to take the fight to the Neo-Sapians, he gets closer and closer to the ugly truth about Neo-Cells.

Why would you like it?: If you're a fan of action films, this is amazingly over the top. It really does a good job of capturing the action style of Japanese action animation. It looks fantastic. The artists had a field day with this one. They managed to make it look modern and filthy at the same time, which flies in the face of the typical "the future will be painted white" that gets put forward too often. The soundtrack is pretty sweet, including a theme song performed by Utada Hikaru.

Why it might not be for you: It's all in Japanese, with no dubbing. The story isn't as deep as it seems. Although that might simply be due to things being lost in translation, as I've heard that the subtitles are a butchery of the script. The ending is kind of baffling, too.

What the critics think: They don't. Casshern didn't see a mainstream American release, so it didn't get a metareview.

What I think: Casshern is a niche film. Japanophiles, action fanatics, and especially Japanophile action fanatics, will love this film. A more mainstream audience probably won't find this near as enjoyable. But I think it fills its niche well. I give it a 6/10.

Fixing College Football: The Pac 10

2009-01-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have been following my grand scheme, you know that the Pac 10 is, in my opinion, the model for conference configuration. A true round robin every season and every team has a hated rival.

The University of Southern California
The University of California (Los Angeles)
The University of California
Stanford University
The University of Oregon
Oregon State University
The University of Washington
Washington State University
The University of Arizona
Arizona State University

And I have a New Commander in Chief

2009-01-20T09:07:00.000-08:00

Congratulations, President Barack Hussein Obama! May your term be prosperous and successful.

But your work has just begun. Ultimately, the measure of a president is what he does during his term. Few people really remember what the president has done in the election campaign. I, for one, reserve judgement of Mr. Obama until November of 2012.

However, I think the inauguration ceremony was a good start. Obama's speech was extremely well written and delivered. It tied in very well to more famous documents, such as the Preamble to the Constitution and the Declaration of Independance, while still putting to rest concerns of the present. I find myself constantly impressed by Obama's oratory skills. The oath of office got fumbled though... But no one's perfect.

John Williams' composition, performed by some of the greatest instrumentalists in the world was just spectacular. Aretha Franklin delivered a powerful rendition of "My Country 'Tis of Thee". I wonder what the band is thinking when she stretches one word into a 45 second improv. Gah! There she goes again! The poem by Elizabeth Alexander was a little to disjointed for my tastes, but for those who like that sort of thing, it was a good choice. Two girls in New York made complete asses out of themselves during the National Anthem. Obama's children looked incredibly bored and restless, and Michelle had her hands full keeping them in line. Most importantly, Craig Robinson, the esteemed and honorable head basketball coach of Oregon State University, was right next to them, sporting the orange. You can't buy that kind of publicity! Let's see you do that Phil Knight! Reverend Warren's invocation was a little long and bland, while Reverend Lowery's benediction was too long, too hoaky, and quite frankly, offensive. I wish that it had ended on a better note.

One thing that I don't like however, is the assumption by the media that the country somehow changed overnight when Obama was elected. I heard it said that "This couldn't have happened yesterday." I disagree. The country hasn't changed simply because Obama has been elected. Obama got elected not because he was a good cadidate. I think America has been in a state where a black candidate could be elected for at least ten or fifteen years, the problem is that the black candidates who wanted the mantle were tools. Colon Powell would have been elected in a heartbeat, however, he declined to run. Al Sharpton, who did run, didn't have a chance of being elected. With candidates like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, America didn't refuse to elect a black candidate, they refused to elect a bad candidate. There is a difference, and it's one that too many people fail to recognize. If anything, that failure simply perpetuates the notion that skin color actually matters. It doesn't. Obama's successes and failures will be his own, as the 44th president, not the black president.

The Christmas Review

2008-12-29T23:25:00.000-08:00

Well, my laptop went tits up a couple weeks ago. Thankfully, it was still under warranty. Two motherboards, one CPU, and one Video Card later, we are up and running today. So, I would just like to take a minute to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas.

I got some sweet swag for the holiday. My loot tally included a DVD of Rambo, a copy of A Farewell to Arms, a copy of The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemmingway, a Copy of Soul by Seal, a copy of Neon Bible by Arcade Fire, and some clothes and cash.

Fixing College Football: The Big Ten

2008-12-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

Now we visit up north. It's time to realign the Big Ten conference. We've already sent Penn State to the Big East, and the Big Ten pretty much shakes itself out once the Nittany Lions are out of the mix.

Ohio State University

The University of Michigan

Michigan State University

The University of Iowa

The University of Minnesota

The University of Wisconsin

Northwestern University

The University of Illinois

The University of Indiana

Purdue University

Good rivalries, now we just need them to play good football.

Heisman Thoughts

2008-12-11T13:53:00.000-08:00

The greatest individual trophy in sports, the Heisman Memorial Trophy, will be awarded in a little less than two days. The three finalists are already in New York. Sam Bradford, the quarterback for Oklahoma, is my pick to take home the stiff arm. He's competing against last year's winner, Tim Tebow of Florida, and the popular Colt McCoy of Texas.

One of the things that makes the Heisman so interesting is that the ballot simply instructs the voter to select the "most outstanding player." Some voters take that to mean the most valuable, to some it means the best performance, and to some it means the best player on the best team. Because of this, people can make an argument for any of the finalists.

I personally believe that Sam Bradford has a much stronger case than either Tebow or McCoy, given that Bradford is the best player on the number one ranked team at the time of voting. Bradford also enjoys a significant statistical advantage over the other QBs. Bradford has more yards from scrimmage, more TDs, and a higher passer rating than either of his opponents. McCoy has a higher completion percentage, and Tebow has fewer turnovers, but the overall statistics clearly give Bradford the edge. Bradford had the best performance, while playing on the #1 team. Seems like a no brainer to me.

But as always, there is dissent in the mainstream media. Here are a few examples.

Chris Low, SEC blogger for ESPN.com, puts forth this article. He stumps for Tebow based on the argument that Tebow faced much tougher defenses. This might be true, however, he makes several mistakes. First off, he makes the mistake of using raw defensive rankings. This is a problem because it gets you into a chicken/egg argument very quickly as to why scores are so low in the SEC. Do the offenses struggle because of powerhouse defenses, or are the defenses being inflated by offenses the likes of Auburn and Tennessee? Just as QBs like McCoy or Bradford might make a defense look silly, so to do Jonathon Crompton and Kodi Burns make even the most pathetic defenses look like the 1985 Bears. The other mistake he make was claiming that Arkansas was the worst defense Tebow's faced this season. I guess he thought the game against the Citadel was just a scrimmage. That's OK, he wasn't the only one...

In defense of McCoy, Jeff Martin of the Kansas City Star claims that, "Twisted Logic will rob McCoy of the Heisman!" I find this piece hilarious, because the only twisted logic in the article is his case for McCoy. He starts out by dismissing Tebow with this quote,

Tebow is a great college football player. Every television talking head said as much over the weekend. But how can you give him the Heisman a year ago in large part for his statistical achievements — the first I-A player to finish with more than 20 passing touchdowns and 20 rushing touchdowns in a season — and then turn around a year later and twist the criteria? Now it's about who is most valuable to his team?

So we're going by performance, rather than value to team. That's OK, I can dig it. But then it's down to Bradford vs. McCoy, and Mr. Martin goes all M. Night Shyamalan on us, and brings out the twist!

McCoy and the Longhorns took the Red River Rivalry, 45-35, even though Bradford had the far loftier statistics, not to mention the superior offensive supporting cast.
Maybe this is being too simplistic, but McCoy did more with less all season long, which is why he was No. 1 on my ballot and Bradford was No. 2.

OK... So he's going one of two ways here. Either he's claiming that McCoy deserves it over Bradford because he won the head to head matchup of the teams, or he's completely reversing tack on his argument against Tebow, simply to justify McCoy winning. In the event of the former, it shows a tragic lack of understanding of the nature of the QB position and the sport in general. If it's the latter, then he's a hypocrite who laughably accuses hypocrisy to be the reason why what he believes is right might not occur. Either way, I would expect more out of a major city newspaper sports journalist.

All rhetoric aside, we'll find out which argument was the most persuasive at the Heisman ceremony on Saturday.

Blue C Sushi

2008-12-01T00:49:00.000-08:00

While dropping my sister of at the U in Seattle after her Thanksgiving visit, we stopped for an early dinner at Blue C Sushi in the University Village. What ensued was a rather unique dining experience.

Blue C operates on a conveyor belt. They have the food laid out on color coded plates, ranging form $1.25 for the greens, to $5.25 for the dark blues. The food sits on this conveyor belt and scrolls around the place, passing by each table, where the customers can grab it at their leisure. Soy sauce, wasabi, and ginger are siting at the end of each table. At the end of the meal, you add up the plates on a scorecard, and that becomes your bill.

The food is decent. There's Sushi, some cooked dishes, and some vegetarian dishes, but if you don't like Sushi, you'll find eating at Blue C to be difficult. However, if you are a sushi fan, or at least find it edible, then Blue C will be an enjoyable experience for you. The seared tuna is delectable. They've got the standard set of drinks, a functioning bar, and the obligatory sake menu, which allows you to quench the fire of the spicy salmon rolls.

The ambiance is solid. The layout is fairly open, and the walls are dominated by either large picture windows, large pictures of the iconic Tokyo Square crosswalks, or large televisions showing bits of Japanese life. The music is forgettable, and the din of the crowd usually drowns it out. The service is a little detached, as it's basically a moving buffet.

To get the best out of Blue C, bring a crowd. Each plate comes with 4 sushi rolls or 2 sushi slices. With more people, you can get more variety out of your meal. It's a little slice of Tokyo Chic in Seattle, and it's a 8/10.

Argh

2008-11-29T20:01:00.000-08:00

Goddammit. Oregon State dropped the first Civil War game in Corvallis since 1996, and it happened to be when the Rose Bowl was on the line. My frustration knows no bounds right now. So many things went wrong.

Sean Canfield should have been starting. He's a better QB than Lyle Moevao, pure and simple. While Moevao had decent raw stats, he threw two interceptions that were returned for touchdowns. Niether of which were great plays by the defense, merely terrible throws by the QB. Moevao's throws were off all night. The recievers were trying their best to make adjustments, but less than a quarter of the passes were in the right spot. Moevao walked into a couple sacks, and constantly missed the open checkdowns.

Without Jacquizz Rodgers, the offense panicked, and went back to that detestable shotgun set. This took the run completely out of the picture, leading to the 60 passing plays, against the 13 runs by running backs. The play calling got worse in the red zone, two red zone opportunities were squandered in the first half when the offense got too cute, and did things like call no back formations and try the fly sweep twice in a row. This caused OSU to come away with 3 points when they should have had 14.

The fly sweep is a fine play. It's the foundation of OSU's offense, however, it is not a red zone play. The whole idea is to put the ball into the hands of Rodgers, Stroughter, or Johnson, have them beat the defense to the corner, and outrun people. OSU made several uncharacteristic mistakes using this play. They ran it with multiple players split wide, and they ran it in the Red Zone. Both these situations create the same flaw. It puts defenders closer to the sideline than the ball carrier. It's one thing to try a play against the grain to try and catch defenders off guard, it's another entirely to do it repeatedly.

Outside of the Red Zone, they didn't use the fly sweep motion enough. Because of the threat of the play, and the visible buildup of the motion, it warps defenses outside of the red zone. Even if the motion man doesn't get the ball, it opens up the pass downfield, and opens up runs up the middle. But OSU hardly ran the motion.

Ryan McCant's didn't get very many carries, and on his best run of the night, an 11 yard run in the 4th quarter, he fumbled. McCant's didn't see too many carries the whole season, because Jacquizz has been a beast. I believe in using a star back heavily, but I also think you need to work the backups into it, for familiarity's sake. It helps cut down on fumbles, and breeds confidence.

On defense, they gave up almost 700 yards. There's a lot of problems.

Problem number one. TACKLING. The ugly beast that rose it's head against Stanford and Penn State showed up again. Too many plays were created by missed tackles. The linebackers were just awful, constantly out of position, and arm tackling too often. The Corners missed several tackles too.

The defensive ends broke containment on almost every play. Especially in a misdirection offense like Oregon's, the key to playing DE against that offense is to never let a player involved in a handoff to get outside of you. especially if you think the play is going away from you. The QB hands off to the running back and runs at you, make sure he doesn't have the ball before you start chasing the running back.

Schematically, Oregon runs about 12 different plays, which is increased based on run pass options, and read options. Oregon's shotgun offense has the same limitations as the offense OSU ran. Based on the alignment of the running back, there are some gaps that the running back can't get to off the first cut. The weakside B, C, and D gaps are out. This brings us back to containment. There are two ways to vary pressure on an offense, blitzes and stunts. OSU ran a lot of stunts, which work well against a conventional offense, however, a read option offense is succeptable to blitzes, but renders stunts useless. All a DE stunt does is automatically blow containment, and open up those gaps that were out before. One player can prevent the whole weakside from being used, which allows you to focus on the strongside. OSU failed to do this, and the same play blew them up, time and again.

The referees were par for the course for the Pac 10, which is to say, God Awful. The review official for the fumble returned for the touchdown in the 3rd quarter should be fired. There is no excuse for that kind of incompetence when you have time to look, rewind, and look again at a call. None of the refs on the field have any clue what pass interferance is. Combined with some terrible spots for the ball, and I have a renewed hatred for the officials of the Pac 10.

All in all, it was a poorly played game. However, I would like to take a moment to thank the Beavers for playing as well as they have thus far this season. No one expected it outside of Corvallis. Good job.

It's also worth noting that the Rose Bowl dream is not over for OSU. Because of the Ducks loss to Cal, if USC loses to UCLA, Oregon State has the tiebreaker in a three way tie too. So, GO BRUINS!

Brad Edwards is an Apologist for All the Wrong Things.

2008-11-17T15:39:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, Brad Edwards is a columnist for ESPN.com. He recently wrote an article on ESPN.com trying to justify allowing a team that did not win their conference to compete for the BCS title. He's essentially apologizing in advance for what would happen if Missouri wins the Big XII championship game. He claims that the third ranked team in the conference would be the best team in the nation. He attempts to back up his claim by painting a doomsday scenario where the top ranked teams lose out, and don't win their conferences.

Here's my stance on this. If the best teams lose out, then clearly, they weren't the best teams. This is a problem that will have been manufactured by the money grab known as the conference championship games. I am deeply opposed to conference championship games. They undermine the importance of conference play, and they screw up the national title picture. However, it is the bed the Big XII has made, and now they must lie in it.

The fact that he's arguing for the Big XII makes his case even shakier. The Big XII has already screwed up the BCS picture in this exact same manner twice. In 2001, the Big XII champion was Colorado, however, the Big XII sent Nebraska to the national title game. The result? 37-14 Miami. They didn't learn their lesson. In 2003, Kansas State was the Big XII champion, but the Big XII sent Oklahoma to the National Title Game. This time it was 21-14 LSU.

I believe the voters might have learned their lesson. Last season, Georgia was ranked second with only the conference championship games to go. Georgia was not playing, so they figured that their spot in the title game against Ohio State was assured. Far from it. Eventual SEC Champion LSU jumped from 7th to 2nd, and locked the #3 team in the SEC from attempting to play in the title game. The results were quite pleasing to the SEC. 38-24 LSU.

So to answer your question Brad, in case your doomsday scenario does play out, yes, Penn State-Florida would be just fine.

Drink of the Moment: The Vesper

2008-11-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

"Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large, thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?"

If there's an author this side of Earnest Hemingway who really knew his liquor, it was Ian Flemming, the creator of secret agent James Bond. In honor of the release of Quantum of Solace, I bring you the drink Flemming created through 007, The Vesper.

The Vesper was introduced in Flemming's 1953 novel, Casino Royal. During a high stakes game of Baccarat. Bond invents the drink when asked if he'd like a drink from the bar. When Felix Lighter, one of the other players comments on the drink, Bond says this.

"I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I do like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made. I hate small portions of anything, particularly when they taste bad. This drink's my own invention. I'm going to patent it when I can think of a good name."

He ends up naming it in honor of Vesper Lynd, the double agent for the Soviets that he's bedding at this time.

As you can read above, the drink involves Gin, Vodka, and Kina Lillet. However, if you want to make an accurate Vesper, you must keep in mind that this recipe was devised in 1953, when men were men, and alcohol was strong. Gordon's Gin has been cut down in proof, and most vodkas currently sold are 80 proof. Kina Lillet isn't made anymore. They replaced it with Lillet Blanc, which has no quinine in it, so it lacks any real bite to it.

To get around these issues, there are several quick fixes. Many modern gins maintain the 94 proof of 50's Gordon's. 100 proof vodka is easy to find. A dash of quinine powder turns a Lillet Blanc back into Kina Lillet. The quinine powder might be difficult to find, so if you can't get your hands on it, substitute in 2 dashes of Angostura Bitters.

You wind up with 3 oz 94 proof gin, 1 oz 100 proof vodka, 1/2 oz of Lillet Blanc, and a dash of Quinine Powder (or two dashed bitters). Shake until cold, then strain into a Cocktail glass, or a deep champagne goblet if you want to be true to Bond. Garnish with a long thin lemon peel. Take a sip, and picture yourself heads up with Le Chiffre.

Quantum of Solace

2008-11-15T23:24:00.000-08:00

Quantum - [kwon-tuhm] -(physics) the smallest discrete quantity of some
physical property that a system can possess.

Quantum of Solace is the latest James Bond film, and once you watch it, the title becomes quite apt.

Daniel Craig stars for the second time as the man with a license to kill. Craig's portrayal of Bond is more in line with the model put forward by previous actors Sean Connery and Timothy Dalton. Craig's Bond is a killer for his country. Gone are the quips and one liners of the campier Bonds. Personally, I like it this way.

Judi Dench comes back as M, Bond's supervisor. As always, she does a sharp job at this.

Olga Kurylenko and Gemma Arterton play Bond Girls Camille Montes and Strawberry Fields, respectively. Montes is a beautiful Russian Bolivian woman who's on a vendetta against the man who killed her family. Fields is a lovely British redhead working for the British Consulate. Fields exudes the almost prudish form of sex appeal that only the British have mastered.

Mathieu Amalric plays Dominic Greene. The main villain of the film. Eco friendly CEO of a major corporation, and member of the secretive criminal syndicate Quantum. Unlike previous villains, Greene lacks an outstanding deformity. He's probably the most normal villain to grace Her Majesty's Silver Screen. He still comes off as a little creepy though.

Quantum of Solace picks up right where Casino Royal left off. Right off, as in Mr. White, the operative for Quantum that Bond captured at the end of the previous film, is still in the trunk of Bond's Aston Martin. The film jumps right into a pitched gunfight on the narrow European highways, and the action never slows up.

After making his escape from the gunmen of Quantum, Bond brings Mr. White to an MI6 safehouse, where M herself prepares to interrogate him, using unscrupulous means if need be. Mr. White laughs her ominous threats off, claiming that Quantum has people everywhere. Usually when someone says that, it's a setup for someone to be a double agent down the road. Apparently, it wasn't very far down the road, because one of the MI6 agents in the room opens fire, killing the guards. Bond gives chase, leaving Mr. White unattended.

In Bond's furious pursuit of the traitor, we begin to get a peak at the reason why the film was given it's name. The betrayal and death of Vesper Lynd in Casino Royal has made him into an inconsolable font of wrath. He has buried himself in his duties with MI6, and walks a perilous line between his duty, and pure vengeance.

As he chases leads regarding the shadow syndicate of Quantum, he is led to Dominic Greene, the CEO of Greene Planet. Mr. Greene has some shady dealings going on that will bring about the downfall of the Bolivian government, and give Greene control of the worlds most valuable resource.

This is an EON Bond film, so it's rather stunning visually. The stunts are jaw dropping. Picture Parkour on roid rage. The score suits the film well. It utilizes the Bond Theme leitmotif, without becoming dependent upon it. The theme song is well done, but a little unremarkable. I liked "You Know My Name" from Casino Royal better. However, Alicia Keys does a good job singing.

The writing has gone far away from the gadget filled camp of the series prior. For the most part, everything they use is plausible. There are not so subtle homages to Goldfinger and Moonraker. Think black gold. The characters are much more filled out in the Craig films than in any previous incarnations.

The film is 106 minutes long, and garnered a 58 on Metacritic. Most critics complained that it didn't seem like Bond was having fun in this one. I agree, but I believe that that was the point of this film. 007 is no longer the quip producing charmer in control of everything. He's human now. He bleeds, he hurts, and he has doubts. I think this is a great move. I give the film an 8/10.

New Watchmen Trailer!

2008-11-15T12:33:00.000-08:00

This is going to be fucking fantastic!

In Bruges

2008-11-14T14:53:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week, I rented a few movies. Amonst them was Martin McDonagh's In Bruges.

Colin Farrell plays Ray, a young aspiring hitman who accidently kills a young boy on his first assignment.

Brendan Gleeson plays Ken, an experienced hitman who acts as a mentor to Ray.

Ralph Fiennes plays Harry, their scrupulous employer who decides to send them both into hiding in the Belgian city of Bruges to lay low until the heat subsides. Ray hates it in Bruges. It's a little too... Belgian for his tastes. Things start to turn around when Ray meets a girl, Chloe, and a midget she's working with on a film. Things go south again when Chloe's tries to rob him, and midget turns out to be a jackass, and things just continue to go down. Until Ray decides to kill himself, and Ken is instructed to kill Ray over the boy Ray killed. At that point, decisions have to be made.

While In Bruges is indeed a comedy, it is a very dark comedy. So dark, that light cannot escape it's surface. It's pretty much an hour and a half of watching life kick Colin Farrell in the nuts. The atmosphere captures the feel of a small european tourist town pretty well. The score is fairly minimal, which is good because it doesn't get in the way. The characters of Ray and Ken are pretty well rounded, however the rest of the cast is a little flat. It's also casually profane in a manner that only Guy Ritchie movies have managed.

In Bruges is 107 minutes long, and earned a 67 on metacritic. It's worth watching. I give it a 7/10.

Fixing College Football: The Big XII

2008-11-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, but as Bender once said... "I'M BACK, BABY!" Let's take a look at how we would realign the Big XII conference.

The University of Texas

Texas A&M

The University of Oklahoma

Oklahoma State University

The University of Kansas

Kansas State University

Texas Tech

The University of Colorado

The University of Missouri

The University of Nebraska

The first six were all classic rivals. Texas Tech, I'm hoping begins to form a rivalry with Missouri, and Colorado and Nebraska are both traditional Big XII powers that I would feel bad for excluding. Iowa State is more in Big Ten territory, so they're out. Baylor could be a rival with Texas Tech, but the idea of Missouri and TT shooting it out was just too appealing.

What Clemson needs to fix.

2008-10-13T22:53:00.000-07:00

Clemson's the new hot topic, seeing as they just fired/resigned their head coach Tommy Bowden after a 3-3 start to a season that saw them ranked in the top ten in preseason polls. Many people have applauded this move, stating that with the kind of talent that Clemson has, his performance simply has not been good enough. Nine straight bowl eligible seasons and a 72-45 record in his time at Clemson.

My question is, what kind of talent do you really think Clemson has? Do people really think that Clemson has the kind of Talent to match up with major conference championship calibur teams?

Talent is really just a measure of potential. It does not always make a good player, but it does make a good draft pick. So recent draft picks is a good way of measuring what kind of talent a program has been working with in recent years.

Over the last four years, Clemson has had 13 players drafted. This puts them at Sixth in the ACC, behind Virginia Tech, Virginia, North Carolina State, Florida State, and Miami.

Let's look at some of the output of some of the perennial powerhouses. Oklahoma has had 24 players drafted in that same span. Texas has had 21. Michigan has had 19. Ohio State has had 23. USC has had 31. Florida has had 17. LSU has had 22.

What kind of teams have had a similar talent level over the last 4 years? Arkansas, Nebraska, Iowa, Oregon, Stanford, and Louisville have all had 13 players drafted over the same span. Together, those 6 teams, in 24 attempts, have 1 conference championship between them. They are also a combined 22-16 this season, which basically averages out to 4-3. Also, with the exception of Oregon, all of these teams have stumbled recently with coaching changes. These are the talent peers of Clemson. This is no longer the 1980s.

Tommy Bowden was not a coach who was going to take Clemson to the BCS promised land. But I don't really think that was a place Clemson is capable of going to. He's pretty much a face value coach, give him a mediocre team, and you get mediocre results. But he was consistent. And in college football right now, consistency equals money. Those eight bowl appearances netted the ACC over a million dollars in prize money. With Tommy, you knew what you were getting. Now, Clemson has opted to roll the dice.

I don't like the move. Coaching changes after a successful season tend to faceplant. I would not be surprised if Clemson falls apart completely the next few seasons. Especially if they hire some retread coach, which, after the dismissal of Bowden, might be all they can get, as the hot names, like Bronco Mendenhal and Will Muschamp will be able to take their pick of the vacancies. Clemson's best bet, assuming that they can't get one of those two, might be an unorthodox one.

Gus Malzahn, the offensive coordinator of Tulsa. Orchestrator of the number 1 offense in college football, averaging 603 yards and 53 points per game. The first step to set the table for him is the benching of Cullen Harper, a senior, in favor of the more talented and less experienced freshman Willie Korn. Get him some experience. Also, do whatever it takes to keep CJ Spiller on campus. Those two, along with receiver Jacoby Ford, will provide the initial nucleus of a new offense Malzahn can build. Clemson has already decided to scrap this season. Don't be surprised if they drop out of bowl contention entirely, which would have been unlikely with Bowden. All Clemson can do beyond that, is pray.

Thoughts on the Bailout

2008-10-01T23:28:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last week or so, the hot topic now days is the proposed $700 Billion bailout of the lending institutions that overextended themselves on bad mortgages. The senate recently passed it, and it's going to the house. President Bush has endorsed it, and both Obama and McCain voted for it in the senate. It seems almost a forgone conclusion that this will pass. I have only one question...

What the fuck happened to accountability? I always thought that one of the key ideas of capitalism was that you accept both the earnings and the losses. These lending institutions took risks by handing out mortgages to any Tom, Dick, or Harry with a pulse. "You make $25k a year, and you want to buy a $1.5M house? Sure, we'll back you!" Who approved these boneheaded moves?

People talk about the collapse of these lending institutions as if it's the end of the world. They claim it's the next Great Depression. Did any of these politicians live through the Great Depression? It's like claiming that the Iraq War is the next WWII.

People point to the failure of Washington Mutual as if all banks will fail and all the money people have saved will just vanish into the ether. Did these people notice what happened to Washington Mutual? It got bought out by JPMorgan Chase and was open the next day. This is capitalism, people. The banks perform both a vital, and lucrative, service. If there's a void, and there's profit to be made, that void will be filled.

It's not the government's place to insulate businesses from the consequences of their bad decisions. All the government needs to do is ensure that business is being conducted in an ethical manner, and beyond that, fortunes will be made and lost by the hands of the businessman, not the congressman. You aren't solvent enough to cover your debt? Fine, sell assets until you are. Don't whine to the government for free money. If the government has to bail out a business, it should be nationalized, rebuilt, and eventually sold back into the private sector. Put the jackasses who ran that ship into the ground out on their ass.

The other concern I hear about is all the people who will get foreclosed upon because of their bad mortgages. Cry me a river. You're going to lose your house? Cash in your end of the mortgage, let the bank foreclose on you, and buy a house that you can actually afford. What? It'll ruin your credit rating? It should, I wouldn't lend to your dumb ass after you made a mistake that big.

In the end, it all comes back to accountability. People are in this mess because both sides made some God awful decisions. Bailing them out at this point is simply rewarding them for making those decisions. It takes all the risk out of business, and in the end, is tantamount to theft from the taxpayers.

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes.

2008-09-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

With the new Watchmen film looming large, I think it's a good time to introduce my readers to the source material.

Watchmen was originally published as a 12 episode series in 1986 and 1987. Written by the acclaimed Alan Moore and drawn by Dave Gibbons. The accolades for this work say it all.

Kirby Awards: Best Finite Series, Best New Series, Best Writer, Best Writer/Artist

Eisner Awards: Best Finite Series, Best Graphic Album, Best Writer, Best Writer/Artist

The Hugo Award

Listed by Time Magazine as one of the 100 greatest English language novels

Listed by Entertainment Weekly as the 13th best novel in the past 25 years

The influence of this work permeates the entirety of modern comics. It, along with Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns, was the first of the dark, mature, style of comics. Eschewing the boy scouts in brightly colored spandex in favor of complex protagonists with very complex, and questionable, ways of doing things. However, no story does it so succinctly, and literally, than the Watchmen.

DC comics had obtained a the intellectual rights to a number of characters created by the failing Charlton Comics. Alan Moore was commissioned to create a series built around those characters. He took a concept called "Who killed the Peacemaker?" that Charlton decided against using. What he came up with was Watchmen. DC execs took a look at his ideas, and realized that if they let him use the Charlton characters for this storyline, they wouldn't be able to use them again. However, they also knew they had something special. So they gave Moore the greenlight to create Watchmen by using modified versions of the Charlton characters. So The Question became Rorschach, the Peacemaker became the comedian, Captain Atom became Doctor Manhattan, and Alan Moore became a legend.

In 1985, the world of Watchmen is not too dissimilar from the way history actually unfolded. The main difference is that America won the Vietnam War, and riding the endorsement of that victory, Nixon altered the constitution to allow him to remain as president.

Watchmen kicks off with a murder. Edward Blake is hurled through the window of his 20th story apartment. Masked vigilante Rorschach, sneaks in to investigate. Upon finding a switch that reveals a hidden costume, Rorschach realizes that Edward Blake was none other than the Comedian, one of two state sponsored masked heroes. As Rorschach begins to dredge up old problems in an effort to find the killer of the Comedian and bring him to justice, a dreadful plot begins to come together. The implications of these schemes are shocking, even in Watchmen's cold war world, which lives constantly under the Sword of Damocles that is the threat of Nuclear War.

The artwork for Watchmen is very clean, though the colors are a little on the drab side, with a lot of yellows and greens. However, there are layers within layers in the art. Look for the smiley face. The writing is masterful, and even deeper than the art. The characters are complex, and with one notable exception, are all normal people. Realism rules the majority of this novel. The masked heroes are exactly the sort of people who would don a costume and fight crime in the real world. By that, I mean mentally unstable. Megalomania, Apathy, Idealism, Absolutism, Nihilism, and pretty much any other neurosis you can think of make their appearance.

In the end, Watchmen is as fine a deconstruction of a comic as will ever be written. The expansive metafiction lends itself well to the medium. This is a work with every bit the weight of any notable written novels. As perfect a comic as one could find. I can only give it a 10/10.

What USC Needs to Fix.

2008-09-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

PANIC! At least according to the media.

Mark Schlabach says that now other conference champions can afford to lose a game, because there's no way USC can leapfrog them.

Ted Miller says that even if the other conference champions lose two games, it guarantees nothing for the Trojans.

Dennis Dodd says that the loss is part of a disturbing trend.

Mike Ventre says that USC can forget about another national title.

These people are sensationalist idiots looking to attract readers through gloom and doom. One of the few respectable sports journalists in the world, Mark Bowden, readily admits that the sports media doesn't know a thing about sports. And it's true. It's amazing that the very people who vote in the AP poll don't know the twisted rules that they themselves cast their ballots by.

Unlike Ohio State, USC's problem is one of execution, not a systemic flaw in the very nature of their program. Undefeated seasons in a BCS conference are rare, because it's extremely difficult to go out and execute at a level needed to win each and every game. It's hard for USC, and it's hard for other teams too. Dodd said that it was part of a trend. No, it's part of the norm. In the last 36 years, USC has gone undefeated a whopping 1 time. Losing happens. It's not some disturbing trend that heralds the collapse of a team into the dark pits of mediocrity. Hell, LSU, last years champion, lost to not one, but two unranked teams. And this is assuming that when it's all said and done, Oregon State will still be unranked, which I honestly doubt.

That's important because it shows us exactly what USC needs to do to right the ship, and unlike Ohio State, they can do it this season. All they need to do is win. If USC wins out, it would take not one, but two BCS conference champions to go undefeated to bar them from the national title game. And it's simply because of the way the voters in the poll naturally cast their ballots. A team losses, and they drop. It doesn't matter who they lose to, that only governs how far you drop. At this point, there are still 18 undefeated BCS teams. They are spread amongst 5 conferences. That means at most 5 teams will go undefeated. If that happens, I will eat my hat. USC will probably drop to between 7 and 11 in the polls. Because this loss happened so early in the season, they'll have plenty of time to crawl back up the polls as the remaining undefeated teams kill each other off.

Remember, in 2006, USC lost to an unranked OSU team that had previously been blown out 42-14 on the road against a WAC team. They still managed to claw their way back up the polls to put them into a position to compete for the national championship. This is a very talented team, that can win any given game if they execute. They need to execute, they need to win. If they win out, they will more than likely be back in the title game. There's no need to panic. If they lose again though, then they're done.

Well, the Pac 10 just shot itself in the foot.

2008-09-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

But MAN is it fun to be the one to pull the trigger! Oregon State has upset the number one ranked team in the nation, and suddenly restored hope to what looked to be a very looong season. The way that Riley pounded the running game out of the ace set seemed like he actually reads my blog.

But as I look back, I notice trends that begin to make me realize that my earlier concerns might have been ignorant in the face of the standard Oregon State modus operandi under Mike Riley. Since the beginning of Riley's second stint as head coach in 2003, Oregon State has been a collective 12-13 for the first 5 games of the season, 0-7 on the road in those games. The Beavers have then closed out a respectable 27-11 for the remainder of the season.

In the last two seasons in particular, this is evident. Both seasons began 2-3, and ended 10-4 and 9-4 respectively, with the Beavers winning a bowl game and finishing the season ranked. The strong finish in 06 was keyed by a win over then #3 USC. In 07, defeating #2 California started up OSU's push to the finish.

This season began 0-2, with both losses coming on the road. It remains to be seen if the upset of #1 USC will signal the start of a blazing run to the end of the season. I certainly hope so, and if it does, this loss will look a lot less damning on USC by the time the Bowls roll around.

The only problem this sort of system brings up is the fact that any seasonal ambitions are scuttled from the get go, and for a school like OSU, which doesn't usually have the luxury of a high preseason ranking, getting embarassed in an early road game on national TV also guts the opportunity for decent media coverage for most of the season.

But with next weeks game against Utah, and the eventual showdown with the Ducks at the end of the season, OSU has positioned itself nicely to begin to undo the damage of the slow start to it's image. Hopefully, the early upset means that the strong finish gets started early. If we could end the season 9-4 or 10-3, it'd do wonders for the program.

Drink of the Moment: Kamikaze

2008-09-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

Ah, the Kamikaze, the signature drink of Corvallis' Crowbar. Great drink. Rumor has it that the drink was first poured on a US military base in occupied Japan. I doubt it, but it's a good story.

To make the Kamikaze, you'll need Vodka, Triple Sec, and lime juice. Mix them in equal parts in a shaker with ice. Shake it well, and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a slice of lime. Sit back, and imagine yourself in Tokyo, with the crazy lights, and hotel rooms reminiscent of Kramer's dresser.

Like any other cocktail, the Kamikaze has a lot of variations. If you add a half ounce of Maui Blue, you'll get a Nuclear Kamikaze. If you add an ounce of cranberry juice, you get a disturbingly named, Kamikaze on the Rag. Swap the vodka for gin, and you get a London Kamikaze.

Wow, Fairweather Johnson.

2008-09-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

Now, I know I hammer pats fans, but do they have to make it so easy?

What Ohio State Needs to Fix

2008-09-22T19:06:00.000-07:00

I am by no means a Buckeyes fan, however, some people have written them off as a mediocre team buffeted by a weak conference. This is not the case. The Buckeyes are still one of the most talented teams in the nation. Ohio State has sent 11 players to the NFL on the first day of the draft the last three years. That's as many as LSU (9) and Georgia (2) combined. Talent is not the issue. The issue is positional talent and coaching doctrine.

In terms of positional talent, if you take a look at the three premier losses in the last three years, against USC, LSU, and Florida, you'll notice several trends. Against USC, they gave up 174 rushing yards on 30 carries, 5 sacks, and 2 INTs. Against LSU, they gave up 177 yards rushing on 45 carries, 5 sacks, and 2 INTs. Against Florida they gave up 156 rushing yards on 43 carries, 5 sacks, and 1 INT. This tells us 2 things. They cannot protect their QB, and they cannot stop the run. This creates two problems. Inability to stop the run allows the opponent to set the tempo of the game, it opens up the play action pass. Being unable to protect the quarterback makes your offense one dimensional. Ohio State is already pretty one dimensional as it stands. This adds up to an offense that can't score, and a defense that can't get off the field. That's a recipe for disaster.

You can get a feel for the level of athletes that a program has by looking at the level of players it puts into the NFL. To see if a program can compete on a high level in college, you need to look at how many high draft picks it puts out. From 2000-2008, Ohio State put 17 players into the NFL via the top 2 rounds of the draft. That throws the notion that they simply "lack speed" out the window. Ohio State has sent up 4 WRs, 5 DBs, 2 LBs, 2 Cs, 2 DEs, 1 DT, and 1 K.

Noticeably absent are QB, RB, and OL. The lack of high level O-line talent makes the Ohio State program systemically vulnerable to elite pass rushers. Florida had Jarvis Moss and Derrick Harvey, both NFL first round picks. LSU had Glenn Dorsey and Tyson Jackson. USC had Everson Griffen and Kyle Moore. The lack of elite caliber QBs exacerbate this problem, as a mediocre QB tends to hold on to the ball longer.

Figuring out the problems with the run defense is a little more deceptive. Ohio State has had a proud tradition of linebackers, and that's been held up by the current team with Marcus Freeman and James Laurenitis. The defensive ends are also fairly recent, with Vernon Gholston on the teams that lost to Florida and LSU. The safeties aren't world beaters, but they're solid. the weakness has come at defensive tackle. The one defensive tackle drafted early for Ohio State was Ryan Pickett in 2001. Since then, they haven't had anyone special.

Solving the defensive problem will require Ohio State to get out of the mold of the cheap interchangeable defensive tackle. Most of their defensive linemen are in the 280-290 lb range. You can get away with it if you have some LBs who specialize against the run, a Jeremiah Trotter or David Harris style thumper. However, Ohio State has done a good job of recruiting the high end sideline to sideline LBs. They've had good success with those style of linebackers, and I see no reason to mess with those. It would be much easier to try and put an emphasis on bringing in some 300-315 lb DTs who can plug up gaps and stuff the run. The loss of pass rush would be negligible, due to the minimal amount of sacks that actually come from tackles in Ohio State's system.

On offense, the inability to protect the QB really stems from the type of tackles that Ohio State has started. Players like Kirk Barton and Alex Boone, while possessing prototypical size, tend to lack athleticism and have shorter arms than their height would indicate. This causes real problems with speed rushers. The problem can really only be fixed by picking up better offensive line prospects.

Both these problems could be worked out by adopting a more aggressive coaching style, but one thing Jim Tressel is known for is his inflexibility. He runs the exact same game plan on a short week against Ohio as he does on a six week break before playing LSU. Chipping with TEs and double teaming with OGs would help dealing with speedy DEs. High risk/reward run blitz packages would help to deal with the weak run defense. But that's not Tresselball. In the end, you end up with a high percentage winning coach, yet a very predictable team. They win the games you think they're going to win, and lose the games you think they're going to lose. Contrast this to Les Miles, who's the opposite end of the spectrum.

Because of these problems, Ohio State will be a second tier team for years to come until such time as Tressel changes his recruiting tactics. I don't expect him to change his coaching style, because it works for him, but changing the recruiting pattern is easily doable. Jim Tressel has built a program that is designed to beat the Big 10, and Michigan in particular, but will struggle against teams with different philosophies. It's really a measure of the priorities at Ohio State.

Thoughts on Week 3 of College Football

2008-09-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

Forgot to post spread picks. I'm a bad blogger. I know.

Will the voters please cease shackling themselves to the nonsensical "poll rules", and keep Ohio State out of a third BCS game, as they clearly have little competition in the Big Ten? It was clear that Ohio State didn't belong on the same field as USC. The defensive line is woefully undersized, and gets bullied by a strong running game. The two QB just doesn't work, it never does, I don't know why people think it does.

Cal, you have embarassed the Pac 10. Arizona State, you too. Arizona, well, your whole state just sucks. The Pac 10 should have won every one of those games.

UCLA is a shattered shell of itself, so they get a pass. Wazzu's just so damn bad, that commenting on them makes me feel like I'm beating up on kids with Down Syndrome.

Oregon slept through the first half, and nearly paid for it.

Oregon State started slow, but turned things around. They might have stabilized their season. Riley got out the shotgun mentality and began to establish the run. However, opponents have begun to key in on the fly sweep. To reduce the fly sweep to background noise, Riley needs to move recievers to in motion every third play or so. Doing this will cause them to stop keying in on it, and can actually open up the passing game and conventional running game. Furthermore, Sammie Stroughter needs to be running more deep routes of 15 to 20 yards. Throwing those smoke screens aren't as effective as we'd hope. Also, the line needs to block a little bit.

Did Auburn really win a game 3-2? Or did they kick of baseball season early?

Missouri is making a strong case for the Big XII crown. That offense is the scariest in the conference.

Jake Locker must look at Mark Sanchez, and kick himself for picking Washington.

Did anyone see Texas Tech's flooded field? Raiders indeed...

Heisman Watch:

1. Mark Sanchez: Prime time exposure works wonders. Sports fans everywhere are in his debt for crushing USC.

2. Chase Daniels: Well, Nevada was a speed bump.

3. Knowshon Moreno: Need to step up. The game against South Carolina was not good enough.

4. Tim Tebow: Name recognition is keeping him alive until they hit the meat of their schedule.

5. Sam Bradford: Played well as of late. But Sophomore status will require a lot of people to screw up for him to win.

The Protomen

2008-09-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

I'm a storytelling enthusiast. One of the most interesting ways to tell a story is the Concept Album. I guess that's why I'm one of the few people who think MACHINA was one of the Smashing Pumpkins' better albums.

In 2007, the metal band The Protomen released their eponymous debut album. It is a concept album that takes the form of a rock opera based on the Mega Man video game. The band is completely engrossed in their tale, touring the nation in their "protobus" and stopping in various cities to do shows, or "battles". The band wears masks to show the character they are singing as. Mega Man is known in Japan as "Rockman", and this band shows you why.

The album paints a picture of a dystopian future where the people are oppressed by Dr. Wiley's army of robot masters. The first track, "Hope Rides Alone" is a Prog Rock track that establishes the background to the current story. Dr. Light labored to build a machine that could over throw Dr. Wiley's regime. In the year 200X, he hits a breakthrough, and builds Proto Man. A powerful robot designed to cut through the robot army. An epic battle against Dr. Wiley's army ensues. Proto Man fights valiantly, but in the end, as the denizens of the city look on, Proto Man is overwhelmed. As Proto Man dies, humanity fails to attempt to save him, looking on as Dr. Wiley orders the coup de gras.

The next track is "Funeral for a Son". A slow instrumental track that represents Dr. Light burying Proto Man, whom he had invested 12 years in his creation.

"Unrest in the House of Light" has a kind of Johnny Cash feel to it. Dr. Light had gone on to build a new robot in the mold of Proto Man. His name was Mega Man. Now Dr. Light is faced with the difficult task of explaining to his new "son" what happened to his brother, and why he refuses to let Mega Man attempt to finish the fight of Proto Man. Dr. Light is bitter about the Kitty Genovese-esque actions of the people of the city.

"The Will of One" is a rock song that noticeably incorporates the old school Mega Man 8-bit theme. Mega Man explains to Dr. Light that he's going to go fight Wiley, against Light's wishes. Mega Man refuses to leave the humans who are unwilling to help themselves to their doom. He also wishes to avenge the death of his brother. As he contemplates the situation, he notices that someone has defaced Proto Man's gravestone with the phrase, "Hope Rides Alone".

"Vengeance" is another fast paced rock song, where Mega Man smashes through Dr. Wiley's forces with ease. As he cuts a swath towards Dr. Wiley, his last defender steps forward from the shadows to challenge Mega Man.

The pace slows down for "The Stand (Man or Machine)". Dr. Wiley's final defender steps foreword. Revealing himself to be Proto Man, thought dead. Proto Man explains why he chooses to stand against humanity. Like Dr. Light, Proto Man is bitter about the apathy of the people that he gave everything to fight for. No one is willing to fight for themselves, expecting a "hero" to step forward and save those who would not save themselves. Mega Man is forced to choose between fighting his brother, or forsaking mankind.

"The Sons of Fate" is probably the heaviest song on the album. Proto Man and Mega Man face off against each other. Proto Man castigates the people for their inaction, as they call for Mega Man to destroy his brother. As the music slows, Mega Man finishes off Proto Man, and defeats Wiley. As the crowds praise Mega Man as a hero, he looks down upon the remains of his brother, and distraught by his actions, turns his back on the people.

"Epilogue: Due Vendetta" is a fast, hard, and heavy track that doesn't really have any bearing on the story.

All in all, the album is an impressive showing for an indy band. The mastering could really use some tightening up, and the guitars and vocals have some harmony issues, but, for me at least, the audacious concept makes up for it. I'll give it an 8/10.

Really illustrating both the feel of the story The Protomen are telling, and the atmosphere of the band live, are the two music videos they've released.

The video for "Hope Rides Alone" really drives home the atmosphere they're trying to construct.

This is the video for "The Will of One", and it's a recording of a live concert. Complete with the Mega Man helmet.

Both Videos can be found in higher quality at the Protomen's website.

Silly Pats Fans...

2008-09-13T17:22:00.000-07:00

Awww.... What's the league going to do without Tommy Fawkin' Brady? Suck it up boys. I'm an Eagles fan. These things happen. You better hope that Matt Cassell is a gamer.

Thanks to Kissing Suzy Kolber for pointing this shit out. They're downright clairvoyant...

Navigating the Cable Jungle

2008-09-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

A few days ago my neighbors called and offered me $50 if I could come over and figure out how to rig up their DirectTV. What ensued was an ordeal of proportions far beyond what should be caused by a satellite box.

The end state set up was going to be totally sweet. 52" 1080i Toshiba flat screen, four speaker surround sound, DVD, CD, VCR, and DirectTV. great spot in the room, good acoustics, and good lighting, and a shelf set up with the back cut out so as to facilitate the running of cables. They even had all the manuals.

I kicked things off by looking at the manuals, and plugging everything into each other in the manner proscribed by the surround sound manual. CD, DVD, VCR, and satellite, all running into the surround sound, then being routed into the TV from there. Plugged it in and got nothing. So we tried various configurations, using component cables, S Video, and HDMI. Those yielded nil, nadda, and bumpkis, respectively. After an odd mixture of S Video and Components, we finally managed to get the Direct TV picture on the screen. No sound though. So I consulted the manual for the surround sound again.

It listed a system setup needed to optimize the speakers. Ok. So I began to go through the steps. Go through the menu. Check. Select system setup. Check. Verify speakers are attached. Check. Attach microphone and set it at ear level in the most likely to be occupied seat. Huh? Microphone?

Turns out the surround sound has a microphone attachment that you need to plug into the dash, and place at ear level, this starts up a test cycle that'll calibrate the speakers. The first problem was how to get the microphone at ear level without blocking it from some speakers. I feared I would have to hold it up, bearing their hopes for a decent entertainment system upon my shoulders like some relatively unimportant Atlas. Fortunately, their 10 year old daughter came out holding a camera tripod in her hands. Some electrical tape later, we had a working stand for the microphone.

I started the test. It puts out these sonar pings from each speaker. I kind of felt like Sean Connery in Hunt for the Red October. Then, we had to repeat it six more times, once at each place where people were likely to sit. After all these tests, the surround sound box shut itself down as it computed the optimal default volumes for the speakers. I thought we were golden.

Alas, it was not to be. As now, we knew the speakers worked, but there was still no sound, and in fact, the picture had been shut off too. Well... shit. I'm getting frustrated. So I continue reading through manuals, getting nowhere slowly. Finally, I throw in the towel, I call my dad up. He took a look at it, and began to work on the surround sound.

Suddenly, it came to me. We plugged the DirectTV into the Surround sound and the TV. We then plugged the DVD player into both the surround sound and the TV. Then we plugged the CD player in the surround sound. That dual link was a trick I cooked up when I had a Playstation, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64 all at once. We fired it up, and tested the systems. All go. I took my money, and went home, immensely satisfied with myself.

The Beer is a Lie! Part Deux!

2008-09-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

Later during AT, with only the tune up for the Battalion FTX and the FTX itself to go, brigade decided to give us another break. They scheduled a concert for us in the remains of a quarry.

The remains of the quarry was a nice natural amphitheater. We were told beer would be for sale, and we bought it, again. The lie, that is, not the beer. Instead, all they had was energy drinks for sale. Real smart, it's 108 degrees at noon, and they want to trap us for several hours with no water and only pure caffeine to drink? Do they want us to die from heat stroke? Fucking idiots.

Anyways, the event kicked off with a comedy show. Each company got a shot at making people laugh. Alpha Company came out and bragged about how they smoke their joes, and provided a demonstration, involving a rucksack, rifle, and loincloth. Sadly, they weren't joking. We share a tent with Alpha company, we've seen them do this. It's like watching the monkeys at the zoo. That didn't engender laughter so much as nervous silence.

We were up next. We fell back on the old standard of mocking our superiors. We had the BC complaining about not meeting his salute quotient, the CSM bitching about the water not being ACU pattern, goose stepping OCs executing infantrymen with impunity, and the TOC, complete with spinning plates and circus music. Hilarity ensued.

Charlie Company tried a stand up act that actually got the hook. Delta company just fired their crew served weapons. No one was impressed. HHC has a 1st Sergeant Mishra. He's SF, Ranger, and Airborne. HHC then converted Chuck Norris Facts into 1st Sergeant Mishra facts. There was mild laughter.

Bravo Company won that competition. Then came a break dancing competition between the lieutenants. So that's what they learn in OBC. We had a flyby from an Apache. And then they kicked off the concert. After a rousing rendition of "America, Fuck Yeah!", a local Idaho Rock band, The Unread, kicked off. They were pretty good.

The Unread were followed by Miss Tammi, who I swear had to be here solely as a favor to her brother, Major Reese. She embarked on the worst lip syncing this side of Milli Vanilli. She went through the usual sex songs that are the standby of any female rapper. I wonder what Major Reese thinks of his sister now?

After Miss Tammi, the headliner kicked off. The Sammus Theory, a band from Arizona, named one of MTV's best upcoming bands. These guys were real good. I mean, REAL good. A mosh pit quickly forms. An Army mosh pit is the most violent mosh pit known to man. Rank goes out the window. I laid out Delta Company's CO, and had Bravo Company's 1SGT elbow me in the kidneys. I watched a 1LT and SSG go head to head like a pair of bighorn rams. It was awesome.

The band was great, despite some technical difficulties. Hard Rock. Loud, fast, and energetic. The mosh pit kicked up so much dust, we could barely breath, I can't imagine what it was like for the lead singer.

That night the band slept in our tent, and rode out on the convoy with us for the next mission. After the mission was over, we let them burn out some blanks on our weapons. It was kind of funny watching a band used to playing on top of blaring speakers plug their ears as someone fires a 240B. The guitarist compared it to sex, and lit up a cigarette.

They were great, autographed my CD, and regaled us of stories of some of the bands they've toured with. Apparently Everclear are a bunch of cunts.

Thoughts on Week 2 of College Football

2008-09-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

9-10 against the spread last week and 8-10 over/under.

It seemed sagging offenses were the norm. Ohio State, West Virginia, Alabama, and Florida all looked a little weak on O.

I've already said my piece on BYU/UW.

If Oregon State wants to win, they need to get out of the shotgun offense, open up the running game, and teach their LBs to tackle.

Georgia looked real good.

East Carolina looked good. Finally, a team that the Carolina's can be proud of. Given the remainder of their schedule, and BYU's poor performance against UW, I think ECU is the new front runner for the Mid Major BCS Buster.

Penn State looked real good.

Wake Forest's struggles with Ole Miss, VT's dismal performance against Furman, Virginia struggling with Richmond, NC State letting William and Mary hang around, Duke's loss to Northwestern, Miami's Loss to Florida, and Maryland's loss to Middle Tennessee State, have solidified the ACC as the joke conference of the year.

Without Chris Wells, Ohio State will likely get crushed by USC, sparing us another dismal showing in the title game!

Heisman Ranking:

1. Chase Daniel: Another Strong showing puts him as a good statistical leader on a front running team. He needs to keep it up.

2. Knowshon Moreno: Looked real good, with a freakish highlight against an underated Central Michigan team.

3. Mark Sanchez: There's only so much you can do to maintain momentum in a bye week.

4. Tim Tebow: Still hasn't really had a wow game, but survives and advances. Such is life in college football.

5. Josh Freeman: Looked very impressive. We'll see if he can keep it up through the meat of Kansas State's schedule.

Why Conference Championship Games Fail

2008-09-07T20:12:00.001-07:00

A question posed in a comment on an earlier post regarded why I was realigning the conferences based on a 10 team setup with a round robin as opposed to a 12 team setup with a conference championship game. The reason why is that the ultimate goal of my conference setup is to send the best team on to the post season. The round robin method is proven to do that, while the championship game method has failed to do so on many occasions.

The first conference to switch to a championship game was the SEC in 1992. In 1994, sixth ranked Florida edged out third ranked Alabama for the championship. Alabama went on to the Citrus Bowl, where they defeated Ohio State 24-17, and finished the season ranked 5th. Florida went on to the Sugar Bowl, where they lost to Florida State 23-17, and finished the season ranked 7th. In 2001, 21st ranked LSU knocked off 2nd ranked Tennessee. In the bowls, LSU defeated Illinois by 13 points, while Tennessee obliterated Michigan by 28. LSU finished ranked 13th, Tennessee finished 6th. In 2005 the tables were turned as 13th ranked Georgia slipped past 3rd ranked LSU. Georgia went on to lose to West Virginia while LSU blasted Miami 40-3.

The next conference to adopt a conference championship game was the Big XII in 1996. That very year, unranked Texas upset 3rd ranked Nebraska. While Nebraska crushed Virginia Tech, Texas got run over by Penn State. Nebraska finished the season ranked sixth, while "champion" Texas finished 23rd. In 1998, 10th ranked Texas A&M upset 2nd ranked Kansas State in overtime. Both teams went on to lose their bowls, and finished ranked 10th and 11th, Kansas State on top. In 2001, 9th ranked Colorado upset 3rd ranked Texas. Colorado went on to be murdered by Oregon, while Texas beat Washington. Washington and Oregon were co champs of the Pac 10 that season. In 2003, Kansas State upset 1st ranked Oklahoma. While most people remember Oklahoma rolling over for LSU, few remember that Kansas State got crushed by Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl. 2007 featured Oklahoma knocking off top ranked Missouri. Oklahoma proceeded to get embarrassed by West Virginia, while Missouri blew out Arkansas.

The most recent conference to jump on the band wagon was the ACC in the wake of their rape of the Big East. They got things started quick, in the inaugural game in 2005, where the 22nd ranked Seminoles of Florida State upset the 5th ranked Virginia Tech Hokies. FSU promptly lost to Penn State, while VT defeated Louisville. VT ended the season ranked 10th, FSU was still 22nd.

These are examples from every conference where an inferior team got hot for one game and walked off with the conference championship. Most of these cases ended with the "champion" badly embarrassing their conference, usually on national television. Imagine if the Big 10 had a better team in their conference, and still decided to send Ohio State to the slaughter in the last two BCS Title Games. That does not happen in the Pac 10, or even the Big 10. Almost always, their champion might not win, but they are the best team in the conference, without a doubt. In a playoff situation, not sending the best team would cost the conference millions, and look really bad too.

Why then, do the SEC, ACC, and Big XII, willfully risk such embarrassment? The answer is the almighty dollar. An extra game, particularly one that single handedly determines the champion of a major football conference, produces millions of dollars in income for the conferences. Merchandise, gate proceeds, television rights, it's all very lucrative. However, by limiting the competition from a ten team conference to a six team division, you increase the weight placed on each game. There's really only 5 games that matter in a 12 team conference, as opposed to 9 in a 10 team conference. Football, being a fairly unpredictable sport by nature, will wreak havoc on records due to this. One off game, one fluke play, and you're likely never to recover in a 12 team conference, even if you are the superior team in the long run. By maximizing the number of games that matter, in time, the cream will rise to the top. If you follow the example of the 12 team conferences, all you'll learn is that, in the short term, shit can float.

An Example of What's Wrong with the NCAA.

2008-09-07T00:46:00.000-07:00

#15 BYU played unranked Washington Saturday. It was a thrilling game with back and forth scoring. Down 28-21 with 2 seconds left, Washington QB Jake Locker made a clutch scramble to score the TD that only left Washington down by one. Once he crossed the plane, he tossed the ball over his shoulder and lept with his teammates in joy. The referees assessed a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty to be assessed on the game tying point after attempt. This turned a 19 yard field goal attempt into a 34 yarder. The kick was subsequently blocked, allowing BYU to escape with a victory.

I don't like excessive celebrations. They rankle me as the actions of primadonnas. They represent everything that is wrong with the game. However, this was not an excessive celebration. There were no cell phones, no sharpies, no dancing, and no planning. This was a kid and his teammates ecstatic about making the big play. Raw emotion and pure victory. It was everything that's right about football, and team sports in general. Without that emotion the game is lessened. It is everything for sports.

The referee who threw the flag was Larry Farina. Pac 10 coaches have the opportunity to "rest" a referee for a game, essentially blackballing them from the game. Mike Riley, head coach of Oregon State, and probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, has only used that authority once. He "rested" Farina from refing OSU in 2006. In 2007, he was not given the roster of referees to review before the game against Washington. He trotted onto the field, and found Larry Farina waiting for him. The ensuing game was one of the worst officiated games I have ever seen in my life. Three OSU players were ejected, and a blown fumble call that nearly cost OSU the game. Oregon State's athletic director, Bob DeCarolis, went on a rampage to get the officiating crew suspended.

The lack of oversight and standardization of the officiating of games is another problem. Pac 10 officials have been particularly bad, and Farina's been the worst of the bunch. The entire system needs to be overhauled, and Farina needs to be fired. "Rested permanently" if you'd like to use the NCAA's soft PC language. These games bring in millions of dollars and we're trusting them to part time workers? Hell no. You can throw the refs on the pile of things I'd fix with college football if I were king.

Fixing College Football: The Southeastern Conference

2008-09-04T18:29:00.000-07:00

Here's where I'm probably gonna hit the most friction. Retooling the SEC. We've already pulled out Kentucky and South Carolina and stuck them in the Big East and the ACC, respectively.

The University of Alabama

Auburn University

The University of Florida

The University of Georgia

The University of Mississippi

Mississippi State University

Vanderbilt University

The University of Tennessee

Louisiana State University

Georgia Tech University

The first eight were easy, traditional, rivalries. However, LSU doesn't have a traditional rival, neither does Arkansas. I decided to pull Arkansas because they are the most decentralized geographically. I threw in Georgia Tech from the ACC to centralize the SEC more in the south east.

Drink of the Moment: Tequila Sunrise

2008-09-04T00:55:00.000-07:00

The Tequila Sunrise is another classic western drink. The drink is named for the color spectrum that comes out when the drink settles. It's also become synonymous with an early morning hangover. First made in Arizona, it was popularized in 1973 by the Eagles song, "Tequila Sunrise", again in 1988 after a Mel Gibson movie sharing the name, and again in 1998 after Cypress Hill wrote a song with the same name. The drink has about a 10 year cycle, and I'm bringing it back!

To make the tequila sunrise, you need orange juice, grenadine, and tequila. Take a highball glass, and fill it with ice. Add 3 parts tequila and 6 parts orange juice. Stir the drink, then add 1 part grenadine. Let the grenadine settle to the bottom of the glass, and do not stir. Garnish with a cherry or an orange wedge, I prefer the orange, but to each their own. Take a sip and picture yourself waking up bleary eyed... on second thought, picture yourself enjoying a beautiful sunrise after a night out with some good friends.

There are many variations to the Tequila Sunrise. The Caribbean Sunrise replaces the Tequila with rum, the Siberian Sunrise replaces it with vodka, the Kentucky Sunrise with bourbon, and the Malibu Sunrise uses Coconut rum. If you add 1/2 an ounce of lime juice to the drink, you get an Arizona Sunrise. Throw in a couple ounces of Peach Schnapps, and you'll get the Fuzzy Sunrise, a favorite of the ladies. Replace the Orange Juice with 7up to create a Bloody Hurricane. There is a drink called the Tequila Sunset, that uses blackberry brandy in the place of grenadine.

College Football: Against the Spread: Week 2

2008-09-02T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm 12-11 against the spread and 7-5 on Over/Under.

1: USC: Bye Week

2: Georgia: vs. CMU, -24, 56 ov, Look for Central Michigan to cover, and take the over. Enjoy the Dan LeFevour show.

3: Ohio State: vs. Ohio, -34, 45 ov, Ohio State will cover, but take the over.

4: Oklahoma: vs. Cincinatti, -21.5, 53.5 ov, Oklahoma will cover, take the under.

5: Florida: vs. Miami, -21.5, 51.5 ov, Take Florida and the Over. Tempers will flare.

6: Missouri: vs. Southeast Missouri State, No spread.

7: LSU: vs. Troy, -24.5, LSU will cover in another cupcake game. Please Les, grow some fucking balls.

8: West Virginia: @ East Carolina, -7.5, 50 ov, Take West Virginia and the Under.

9: Auburn: Vs. Southern Miss, -17.5, 41.5 ov, Take Auburn and the Under.

10: Texas: @ UTEP, -28, 58 ov, Take Texas and the Over. UTEP got lit up by Buffallo, I don't think the oddsmakers caught this one yet.

11: Wisconsin: vs. Marshall, -20.5, 51 ov, Take Wisconsin and the Under.

12: Texas Tech: @ Nevada, -10.5, 64.5 ov, Take Texas Tech and the Over.

13: Alabama: vs Tulane, -30, 43.5 ov, This being Tulane's first game, they've been gunning for Alabama all offseason, Tulane covers, take the Over.

14: Kansas: vs. Louisiana Tech, -20.5, 52 ov, Take Kansas and the Under.

15: Arizona State: vs. Stanford, -14, 53.5 ov, Take ASU and the Under.

16: BYU: @ Washington, -10, 55 ov, take BYU and the Under.

17: South Florida: @ UCF, -14, 53 ov, Take USF and the under.

18: Oregon: vs. Utah State, -35.5, 50 ov, take Oregon and the Over.

19: Penn State: vs. OSU, -16.5, 46 ov, OSU will cover, take the over.

20: Wake Forest: vs. Ole Miss, -8, 47 ov, Wake Forest and the Under.

21: Fresno State: Bye

22: Utah: vs. UNLV, -22, 40.5 ov, take Utah and the over.

23: UCLA: Bye

24: Illinois: vs. Eastern Illinois, no spread

25: South Carolina: @ Vanderbilt, -10, Take South Carolina in their traditional fast start.

Fixing College Football: The Atlantic Coast Conference

2008-09-02T00:10:00.000-07:00

Well, the ACC is a mess right now. Let's rework that disaster.

The University of Miami (Florida)

Florida State University

Duke University

The University of North Carolina

North Carolina State University

Wake Forest University

Virginia Tech University

The University of Virginia

Clemson University

The University of South Carolina

Who the hell thought to put the Gamecocks into the SEC? Remember the brawl in 04 that Lou Holtz tried to break up? That's fucking HATE right there. Hate breeds drama, drama breeds interest, interest breeds cash. VT vs UVA, UM vs FSU, Duke vs UNC, NC State vs Wake Forest. This is a Gemini model in the vein of the Pac 10. Everyone has an in conference rival. Everyone has That Game to look foreword to.

Maryland and Boston College are too far north. BC is really a better rival with Notre Dame anyways, and Maryland's most hated foe is Johns Hopkins. Maryland will be a tough one to place. Georgia Tech is really more in SEC territory anyways.

The ACC takes these changes very well, as most of the schools fall neatly into existing rivalries.

Tropic Thunder

2008-09-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

Tropic Thunder is a stupid movie. However, a quote from the movie itself illustrates just what that means.

Downey: "Everybody knows you never do a full retard."
Stiller: "What do you mean?"
Downey: "Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Count toothpicks to your cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard."

When Tropic Thunder is stupid, it's a hilarious, farcical, deconstruction of the movie industry, and actors world wide. When Tropic Thunder goes completely stupid, it's just annoying. Unfortunately, it skews between the two often enough that it seems the film just isn't sure of what it wants to do.

The cast is star studded. Ben Stiller plays Tugg Speedman, an over the top action star on the downside of his career, similar to another actor on the film.

Robert Downey Jr. plays Kirk Lazarus. The ultimate method actor, the Australian has won five Oscars, and is so dedicated to his role that he underwent a surgical procedure to allow him to portray the Black Sgt. Lincoln Osiris. One part Russell Crowe, one part Robert De Niro.

Jack Black plays Jeff Portnoy, a drug addled comic known for his low brow, multi role comedies. Think Eddie Murphy meets Mike Myers.

Brandon Jackson plays Alpa Chino, a rapper, turned business mogul, turned actor. Think P. Diddy meets Gangstaliscious.

Jay Baruchel plays Kevin Sandusky, a young actor whom no one really knows.

Nick Nolte plays "Four Leaf" Tayback, handless Vietnam vet, who wrote the book the film within the film is based on.

Matthew McConaughey plays Rick "Pecker" Peck, Speedman's agent. Basically Drew Rosenhaus on crack.

Tom Cruise plays Les Grossman, a foul mouthed, scheming producer. One part Donald Trump, one part Mark Cuban.

Tropic Thunder kicks off with some fake previews that set the tone for each primadonna actor, followed by a blown scene, in which a $4 million explosion is set off without the cameras rolling. The film is a month behind schedule, only five days into production. Speedman and Lazerus are fighting over creative control, Chino whores out his energy drink "booty sweat" every other line, and Portnoy is wired on heroin. The rookie director is unable to handle the massive egos of the primadonna actors, and with the producer breathing down his neck, he accepts an idea from the slightly unstable Tayback.

The proceed to fly the actors deep into the Vietnam jungle, where a setup of hidden cameras and the director's camcorder would empower them to film the scenes "Guerrilla style". However, the situation changes rapidly as they are found by drug smugglers, and despite their thoughts that it's still a movie, the situation becomes very real.

The film is well done thematically. Things are always satirical. The problem is that it tries to go too many places at once. Imagine The Naked Gun trying to be somewhat serious as a film, despite still being completely scatterbrained. It could really have done with some tightening up, removing some of the "fully retarded" sections.

The acting varies heavily. Stiller comes out a little stiff, and Jack Black has never been a serious actor, simply portraying the same speedball style of shock acting. Baruchel and Jackson are pretty good. Cruise and McConaughey have some scenes that push the stupidity quotient. Downey Jr. does the best. His ability to switch accents is impressive, and the ability to convincingly carry out a person who is convincingly carrying out another person is pretty damn impressive.

The soundtrack is excellent, and accentuates the movie very well.

Tropic Thunder is 107 minutes long, and brought in a 71 on metacritic. All in all, it's a decent comedy, but a little too much of a roller coaster ride. I'll give it a 5/10.

Thoughts on Week 1 of College Football

2008-09-01T21:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I went 12-11 against the spread and 7-5 over/under last week. I'll have next weeks picks up by Wednesday.

Darryll Catchings, I'd just like to say that I hate you.

However, Sammie Stroughter is back. Hot Damn!

Coach Riley needs to run the ball more. He also needs to hire an assistant who's sole job is to constantly keep him appraised of the play clock and game clock.

The theory of SEC supremecy just took a blow, as the 18th ranked Tennessee Volunteers just fell to the unranked UCLA Bruins and their third string QB.

Speaking of Kevin Craft, is he schizo? There was a 180 degree difference between his first and second half performance.

The ACC is a joke this year. Their top 2 teams fall in upsets, and even their wins were pretty freaking ugly. 7 points over Delaware? 8 points over McNeese State?

USC is out to prove a point this season.

Jake Locker reminds me of Elway at Stanford. Great QB, with a garbage team around him.

I think Chris Well's injury is worse than they're letting on. If he's still in a boot during practice, it might be broken.

Michigan is in for a long, LONG season. And it makes me smile.

Between Georgia and Auburn, it looks like they gonna drop out of the race due solely to injuries.

Will someone tell Les Miles to grow some balls and schedule a real non conference schedule? Tell the rest of the SEC while you're at it.

Heisman Ranking:

Please note that I rank the Heisman Winners as in, and in order of liklyhood to win. You will not see Armanti Edwards or Vontae Davis on this list.

1. Mark Sanchez: Got off to the hottest start. 300+ yards, 70%+, and 3 TDs against a BCS defense. He's bolstered by the recent performance of Palmer and Leinart, establishing position of USC QB as one of national Prominence.

2. Pat White: He's provided a valuable cushion for his passing stats. 5 TDs through the air puts him well on his way.

3. Chris Wells: He underperformed, and the injury cost the preseason front runner.

4. Tim Tebow: Lackluster day cost him a chance to blow up his stats before Harvin comes back.

5. Chase Daniels: Great Performance in a shootout with a ranked team on prime time.

The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

2008-08-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

At the drive in as a double feature with The Dark Knight, was The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. I saw it with Jeff and Amber, and when they fell asleep, I was left as the sole witness in our group to the sad state of the Mummy franchise.

Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is as much worse than The Mummy Returns as that film was worse than the original Mummy. Thankfully, the Rock's The Scorpion King remains the low point in the series.

Brendan Frasier returns as Rick O'Connell, mummy slayer extraordinaire. His role hasn't changed, he still has a quicker wit than the character lets on, and an even quicker trigger finger.

Rachel Weisz does not return as Rick's wife, Eve. Instead, she's replaced by Maria Bello. I was not a fan of this move. Bello opts to abandon the clumsy stylings of the librarian out of her depth that Weisz conveyed, and replaced it with a kind of airheadedness more appropriate in an episode of the Hills.

Luke Ford plays the now 21 year old Alex O'Connell. He's in the midst of a struggle between himself and his father better reserved for a teenage character.

Isabella Leong plays Lin, Alex's crush, and an immortal Chinese ninja who's mission is to destroy the Dragon Emperor.

Jet Li plays the titular Dragon Emperor. The first emperor of China, who unified the realm, built the Great Wall, and mastered the five elements. Cursed to terracotta form by a witch, he slumbers with his army, awaiting the opportunity to begin his conquest again.

The movie opens with a recap of the life of the Dragon Emperor. The first emperor of all of China, he conquered everyone who stood against him, then cursed them to forever hold up his works, as he had them executed in a mass grave, and built the Great Wall of China upon their bodies. It doesn't take an engineer to tell you that the cursed corpses of the lost and the damned make a poor foundation material. He goes on to master the five elements, but soon realizes that there is one thing he has not yet mastered, death. As he ages, he sends Ming, his most trustworthy general to go find a witch, who supposedly has the secret to immortality. Upon finding her, she turns out to be a beautiful woman, and the emperor immediately declares that no man is to touch her save him. The witch claims not to know the secret to immortality, but she knows where to find it, in a hidden Buddhist monastery. The Emperor sends both the witch, and Ming to find this secret. As they search the many tomes together, they fall in love, and consummate their relationship. Returning to the emperor, the witch cast a spell upon him. Satisfied, he leads her to the balcony, where he asks her to be his wife. She refuses, and he reveals Ming, in the square below them, a quarterhorse tied to each limb. Ming is dismembered, and the witch flees. The spell she casts begins to take effect, turning the emperor and his army into Terracotta.

The film then jumps to modern times with an expose of the O'Connell's opulent home in Oxfordshire, England, earned as a reward for their actions safeguarding priceless artifacts in the Second World War. 13 years after The Mummy Returns, their son Alex is now 21 years old, and secretly conducting an archaeological dig in China, searching for the tomb of the Dragon Emperor. A British diplomat approaches Rick and Eve with one final task, taking the Eye of Shangri-La to the Chinese Government. Eve's brother, Jonathon, now owns a nightclub in China, the aptly named Imhotep. There they run into Alex, and the traditional father son spat ensues. As tempers cool, Alex offers to show his parents the exhibit he'll soon be opening at the very museum that the O'Connell's need to deposit the Eye.

While inspecting the sarcophagus of the Dragon Emperor, Alex's partner reveals a treacherous plan by renegades within the Chinese military to use the Eye of Shangri-La to resurrect the Dragon Emperor and establish China as the center of his new, worldwide, empire. As the emperor reawakens, he escapes, despite the best efforts of the O'Connells. Heading towards a remote monastery, the emperor takes the Eye of Shangri-La, which will unveil the location of Shangri-La, and the pool of immortality. It's up to the O'Connell's to stop him.

The visuals, acting, and story are all what you'd expect from the Mummy series. That is to say, great, sub par, and dumbed down, respectively. The plot is written more for the 10-14 year old demographic, so it seems a little slow for the older viewers. some of the plot points get to be a little excessive, especially when the yetis get involved.

Jet Li isn't nearly as impressive an actor when he isn't doing crazy martial arts stunts. Given his retirement from Wushu films after Fearless, this is disappointing. Brendan Fraiser is still the high point of the film, with his fly by the seat of your pants attitude of Rick O'Connell portrayed perfectly. I've already stated my issues with Maria Bello's job, and Luke Ford comes off as too whiny.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is a mediocre film, sufficient for fans of the genre, but not for general audiences. The film is 114 minutes long, and was given a 31 on metacritic.
I give the film a 4/10.

The Beer is a Lie!

2008-08-30T23:35:00.000-07:00

At least they didn't promise us cake...

Anyways, while at AT, the Brigade thankfully say the idiocy of attempting to cram 3,000 soldiers in the middle of nowhere for nearly a month without any sort of R&R. So about 9 days into it, all the squad leaders went around and asked if we wanted to go to this water park, Roaring Springs, in Boise. We were told that we would be authorized to have two beers each. Hot Damn! Needless to say, I threw my name in as willing to go.

The Brigade rented out this water park for several hours. All after the park would have normally closed, so the park wasn't loosing out on too much income. As we had our accountability formation and safety brief, the platoon sergeant dropped the bombshell on us. Unfortunately, there will be no beer at Roaring Springs, and those of us who volunteered to go, were required to go. Gee, thanks...

Now, the only thing uglier than a brigade with alcohol, is a brigade who had alcohol snatched away from them. The ride over there was hellish. People would not shut up, and they screwed up even the simplest of commands. Part of that was that we were sharing a bus with Alpha Company, and they are essentially the distilled essence of an XBox live chat during a round of Halo 3. Gibbering morons only begins to describe them.

We got to the water park, and a magical thing happened. Every surly and jaded soldier stuck against his will in this besotted desert, suddenly became a 10 year old kid. It was priceless. I saw platoon sergeants racing each other down the twin slides. I saw a captain flip an E-2 in the wave pool. I saw a lieutenant colonel come running up to the line for a slide and gleefully ask what this slide did. I watched 4 squad leaders jump onto a raft and get launched into the blackout tunnel. I watched an empty raft come out the other side of the tunnel, followed by 4 squad leaders one by one.

The lifeguards probably helped the situation out quite a bit. Granted, they were all straddling the jail bait line, but they were still by far the best looking females any of us had seen in almost two weeks. Four hours passed like lightning. Once we all loaded back onto the bus, we looked forward to a late wake up the next morning.

All in all, it was no where near the clusterfuck it could have been. After seeing the effect going from a desert to a water park had on us, I think we might have found the solution to the problems in Iraq. Build them a Wild Waves!

Drina Daisy

2008-08-26T20:56:00.000-07:00

Back in July, while in Astoria after the Mirror Image school, I ate lunch at an excellent little Bosnian restaurant called Drina Daisy.

Drina Daisy is located in downtown Astoria, on 915 Commercial Street. That block was hit pretty hard by a fire years back, and still hasn't recovered. There are a lot of empty storefronts around Drina Daisy, but the eatery seems to be doing all right for themselves. The interior is tastefully decorated, and managed to capture some of that old world charm. The service is friendly, attentive, and prompt. At no time did I feel rushed, nor neglected. My only complaint is that the bar chairs are bolted to the ground, and a little too close to the bar for me to be comfortable. That shouldn't be a problem for anyone with an inseam less than 36 inches though. They play Bosnian artists over the speakers, and the music is quite complementary to the theme as a whole.

While the service and ambiance are important, the key to a good place to eat is to have good food to eat. Drina Daisy has that. The menu is Bistro sized, 8-12 entrees, but the chef knows how to cook. She's a third generation chef who ran her own restaurant in Bosnia for 20 years. They have a decent selection of imported beers to complete the Balkan dining experience. They lack a bartender with experience with cocktails however, so if your looking for something other than a straight shot to quench your thirst for liquor, you might be disappointed. But believe me, the food makes up for it.

I ordered some bread for an appetizer. The bread was cooked in house, and was fluffy without tasting bland. To drink I ordered a bottle of a Bosnian pilsner, which is sadly the only Bosnian beer they can get with regularity. It was good, a little sharper than mainstream American pilsners. For the meal I had a rack of lamb. It was exquisite. Cooked perfectly, it was served with a side of assorted fruit slices that set off perfectly with the spices uses. It came with a spiced red bell pepper paste, normally I hate bell pepper, but this was pretty good. A piece of baklava for desert finished off a transcendent meal.

They have an website they're in the process of putting together, you can access it here. Drina Daisy was quite a find for me. You can be assured, that the next time I'm in Astoria, I'm going to be eating there. 9/10.

College Football: Against the Spread: Week One

2008-08-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

As a test to see just how well I can predict football games, I'm going to be tracking the AP Top 25 against the spread. All spreads are the bookmaker.com spreads, found here.

1: Georgia: vs. Georgia Southern, -33. Take Georgia, they're going to score at least 50.

2: Ohio State: vs. Youngstown State, -34. Ohio State, they have such a soft schedule outside of one game.

3: USC: @ Virginia, -19.5, 45.5 ov, Virginia isn't a complete slouch, but they're a different team than they were last season, take USC, and take the Over.

4: Oklahoma: vs. Chattanooga, -48, I don't think Oklahoma's offense is quite that explosive, look for something in the 42-3 range, and take Chattanooga.

5: Florida: vs. Hawaii, -35, 71 ov, Florida beats the spread, but they don't reach the over. Don't be fooled by the gaudy numbers, Hawaii was a mediocre team last season, and got a lot worse this season.

6: Missouri: vs. No. 20 Illinois, -8.5, 59.5 ov, This is going to be a shootout. I think Missouri will cover, and the two will reach the over. Game of the Week.

7: LSU: vs. Appalaichian State, -24, LSU will cover, Les Miles might be a douchbag, and a mediocre gameday coach, but he will not fall into the same trap Llyod Carr did last season.

8: West Virginia: vs. Villanova, -35.5, Take West Virginia in a blowout.

9: Clemson: vs. No. 24 Alabama, -5.5, 48.5 ov, Neither team is as good as their rankings, but Clemson will win by a TD, and the teams will take the over.

10: Auburn: vs. Lousiana-Monroe, -26.5, 48 ov, Take Auburn and the Under.

11: Texas: vs. Florida Atlantic, -24, 67 ov, Texas will win, but will not cover, take the under.

12: Texas Tech: vs. Eastern Washington, -35.5, Texas Tech will Cover, possibly by twice the spread.

13: Wisconsin: vs. Akron, -26.5, 53 ov, Take Wisconsin and the Over.

14: Kansas: vs. FIU, -36, 57.5 ov, Take Kansas and the under, but only because FIU is that god awful.

15: ASU: vs. Northern Arizona, -31.5, I don't think ASU's got all the kinks out of their system, Northern Arizona will lose, but cover.

16: BYU: vs. Northern Iowa, -21.5, BYU will look to make a statement early, and will cover easily.

17: Virginia Tech: @ East Carolina, couldn't find a line for this one, but VT will win by between 7-14 points.

18: Tennessee: @ UCLA, -7.5, 47.5 ov, Tennessee has been terrible when visiting the West Coast, UCLA will cover, take the under.

19: South Florida: vs. Tennessee-Martin, -39.5, South Florida will fail to cover.

21: Oregon: vs. Washington, -13.5, Washington will cover, given Oregon's current uncertainty at QB.

22: Penn State: vs. Coastal Carolina, -39.5, Penn State will cover.

23: Wake Forest: @ Baylor, -12, 50.5 ov, Wake Forest will cover, take the under.

25: Pitt: vs. Bowling Green, -12.5, 56.5 ov, Bowling Green is an explosive offense, Bowling Green covers, take the over.

Oregon State: @ Stanford, -3, 46 ov, OSU covers, take the under.

Annual Training 2008: The Rundown

2008-08-25T01:27:00.000-07:00

Annual Training 2008

Location: Gowan Field, Idaho
Duration: August 2nd-21st

Average Wake Up Time: 0543
Earliest Wake Up: 0200
Latest Wake Up: 0815

Average Lights Out: 2316
Earliest Lights Out: 1900
Latest Lights Out: 0300

Missions Run: 14
Weight of Battle Equipment: 49 lbs
Flushing Toilets: 0
Showers: 5
Brass Burns: 2
Falls: 3

Rounds fired: 840
MREs Eaten: 30
Cots Destroyed: 1

Movies Watched: 15 (Boondock Saints, Hitman, Borat, Lord of War, Rescue Dawn, The Italian Job, Underworld: Evolution, The Longest Yard, Eurotrip, Enemy at the Gates, 300, Beerfest, The Departed, Rocky Balboa, The Rock)
Books Read: 5 (American Gods, Neverwhere, Cobra II, The Flight of the Eisenstien, Fulgrim)

I'm back baby!

2008-08-23T20:08:00.000-07:00

Like MacArthur unto the Phillipenes, I have returned.

Unfortunately, I'm really tired. So this is all you get at the moment.

Fixing College Football: The Big East

2008-08-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

Let's start the specific conference realignments. We'll start on the east coast, with the Big East.

One of my goals for this realignment is to maintain traditional rivalries as much as possible. Here's the lineup for the expanded Big East.

University of Louisville
University of Kentucky
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania State University
University of West Virginia
Syracuse University
University of Cincinnati
University of Connecticut
Rutgers University
University of South Florida

The two notable changes are the addition of Kentucky from the SEC and Penn State from the Big 10.

Kentucky is a notable rival of current Big East member Louisville. Kentucky has always been kind of an oddball in the SEC, and really doesn't share any sort of rivalry with anyone, save maybe fellow outcast Arkansas. Unlike Arkansas, however, Kentucky shares the state with Louisville, who is another solid football school right now.

Penn State was in a similar boat in the Big 10 as Louisville was in the Big East. Chasing money, Penn State latched on to another conference, and save perhaps the lopsided match up against Michigan, Penn State really lacks a rival with the kind of hatred that they had with Pittsburgh.

With these changes, hopefully the Big East will become a little more competitive.

Drink of the Moment: B-52

2008-08-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

Here's another shooter for ya'll. The B-52 is a drink that'll go down smooth, taste decent, and leave you feeling warm.

The B-52, like the Martini, has a somewhat murky past. We know it was first made in the 1970s. Some will point to California, others to Canada, and still others to New York... again. The B-52 kind of feels like a Canadian drink to me, and certainly not a New York drink.

The B-52 is a layered drink, and like all layered drinks, it is not "poured" or "mixed", it is "built". To build a B-52, you'll need Grand Marnier, Kahlua, and Irish Cream.

Begin with a shot glass. Pour 1 part Kahlua into it. Then take a spoon, and carefully pour 1 part Irish Cream onto the back of the spoon, so that it gently layers on top of the Kahlua. Next take 1 part Grand Marnier and layer it on top of the Irish Cream. If you've done it correctly, then it should have three pronounced layers. Down the shot, and picture yourself riding the bomb to ground zero.

There's a special variation of the B-52 that a lot of people are interested in making, but very few people I've seen have actually done it correctly. This is the Flaming B-52. The first thing I must stress is that you need to be sure to have a flameproof shot glass. Be certain of it, or this could get messy. The preparation is the same except that you sub in a over proof rum, like Bacardi 151, instead of the Grand Marnier. Fill it to the top, so that you don't expose any more heat than is needed to the glass. Lite the rum, and sip it through a fireproof straw. You can try to down it as a shot, but that needs skill, and if you screw up, you could very easily scorch your esophagus. It's not worth it.

The drink stays in layers because of the differences in the specific gravities of the liquors. If you know the specific gravity of a different liquor, then you can easily create an infinite variety of variations simply by subbing the new ingredient in the right slot. If you pour them out of order though, the layering will be ruined. The taste however, will not.

Heisman Hype

2008-08-07T23:28:00.000-07:00

As we approach the start of the college football season, the hype machine for the most prestigious individual award in North American sports, The John Heisman Memorial Trophy, begins to gear up. For those of you who wish to be on top of the way the action goes down, but don't feel like sifting through hours of sportscasting and pouring over tons of stats to do so, I have a gift for you. The are two websites that are really all you need to stay on top of the race for the Heisman.

On the analysis side is The Heisman Pundit. The Heisman Pundit is an LA based blogger who makes his living by sifting through the mess of sportscasting, and presenting them to his readers in a nice, easy on the eyes, method of analysis.

And on the predictive side is StiffArmTrophy.com. This site has predicted the Heisman Winner, and the order of the finalists, every year since the site's inception in 2002. If you want to look like Nostradamus to your friends, this is the site to check just before the trophy is awarded.

Stick to these two sites and you'll never be out of the loop.

Drink of the Moment: The Martini

2008-08-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

Ah, the Martini. The quintessential "cool" cocktail, staple lunch item of businessmen throughout America, and icon of the heroes of the Jet Age.

The Martini's history is somewhat murky. Some attribute it as a streamlining of the more complex "Martinez", first made in Martinez, California in the late 19th century. The New York Times claims that the Martini originated in 1912, in the Big Apple's Knickerbocker Hotel. Personally, I think New York's getting greedy.

The Martini really began to clinch it's mystique when it became know as the drink of choice of such personalities as Ernest Hemingway, Dean Martin, FDR, Dr. Robert Oppenheimer, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Truman Capote, Winston Churchill, and of course, Ian Flemming's James Bond.

There are two primary types of martini, the Gin Martini and the Vodka Martini. Both can be used in the same ratios, but the preparation differs slightly between the two. The ratios vary wildly depending on whom you ask, but I'm more a classic martini drinker.

To make the Martini you'll need 3 parts either gin or vodka, and 1 part dry vermouth.

If you're making a gin martini, pour the two ingredients into a shaker with ice and stir. Strain it into a cocktail glass and garnish. You'll want to have both ingredients chilled before hand. If you shake the drink, you'll kill the vermouth, and bring the gin too far to the front.

If you're making a vodka martini, place the two ingredients into a shaker filled with ice, shake vigorously, then strain into a cocktail glass and garnish. Keep the vodka cool, but not chill, so that the temperature differential will lower the bite of the alcohol. The key is to shake it hard to maximize the chilling at that point. If the vodka's too cold at first, then it'll overpower the vermouth, but if the drink doesn't get cold enough by the time it's drunk, it'll taste a little too thick.

The garnish is traditionally a martini olive on a toothpick. Some prefer a lemon twist, some a Marciano cherry. Myself, I go for three olives. Go with your gut, but don't be afraid to try new things. Once you've finished garnishing, take a sip, and imagine yourself in a tuxedo.

The amount of each ingredient used will vary. The modern martini is 5:1 gin to vermouth. The european martini is 6:1. The Old Martini is 2:1. Some recommend coating the ice cubes with vermouth to impart flavor, without actually adding vermouth to the drink. Some of the extra dry martinis might go as high as 10:1 or 15:1. Winston Churchill's martini was famed for being made from 3 parts gin, and a glance at a bottle of vermouth from across the room.

There are a ton of variations on the martini. I'll cover just the bare bones here. A perfect martini uses 1/2 part dry vermouth and 1/2 part sweet vermouth. A dirty martini adds some olive juice to mask the alcohol. A naked martini is made with no ice, but the ingredients and glass chilled.

Wanted

2008-08-03T17:23:00.000-07:00

Normally I'm pretty in touch with the collective social consciousness when it comes to judging movies. I might be a point high or low, but I can generally pick what people would consider a good movie and what they'd consider a bad movie. Wanted came out different.

I saw Wanted at the drive in theater with Julia, it was part of a double feature with The Strangers, but as we had to do the Relay for Life later that night, we didn't stick around for The Strangers. I probably wouldn't have even if we weren't pressed for time.

I had high hopes for Wanted. The serial that it was based on was probably one of the more insidious comic runs that I've seen. Bending bullets looks like a pretty cool idea. Angelina Jolie is sexy as all hell. It had a lot of things going for it.

James McAvoy plays Wesley Gibson, a white collar cubicle rat who's pathetic existence is sectioned between being pushed around his unfaithful girlfriend, his best friend fucking his unfaithful girlfriend, or his obese manager at work. He suffers from extreme anxiety attacks. It turns out that his father was the best assassin in a guild of assassins called The Fraternity. Those anxiety attacks enable him to slow down his perception of time. When the Fraternity loses his father, they approach Wesley to avenge him. Think the Matrix.

Angelina Jolie plays Fox, one of the assassins in the Fraternity. It is Fox who finally brings in Wesley to the Fraternity.

Morgan Freeman plays Sloan, the leader of the Fraternity. He interprets the Loom of Fate to hand out assignments.

Thomas Kretschmann plays Cross, a rouge assassin seeking to destroy the Fraternity.

Common plays a minor role as the Fraternity's gunsmith. His role is only notable because he apparently went to the Keanu Reeves school of acting. Just awful in this movie.

The film opens with a wicked gun battle between Mr. X, and several other gunmen. Mr. X demonstrates inhuman abilities by leaping across the gap between two skyscrapers, killing several men during the flight, and killing the last man by bending a bullet around the chimney the man was hiding behind. Pulling out a phone, he receives a call from Cross, a rouge assassin, they trade barbs, until Mr. X notices that he's standing on the x. Literally. His head bursts open as a bullet tears through his cranium. A slow mo rewind shows the bullet travelling, shedding stages as it goes, from the point of origin, Cross's rifle, situated in a small nondescript house miles across town.

We are introduced to Wesley Gibson, as he googles himself in his cubicle, and recounts why his life sucks. He counts his woes until at the pharmacy, he's abducted by Fox, as she returns fire at Cross. A high speed chase ensues, with Wesley gibbering like a terrified idiot the whole way.

Upon their escape from Cross, Fox takes Wesley to an assuming Textile mill, where the Fraternity is based. Here, Wesley learns of his abilities and his origins. After severing his connection with his previous life, he returns to the Fraternity and undertakes a rather brutal training regimen to become a member.

Upon the completion of his training, he is taken by Sloan into the inner sanctum of the Fraternity. Here Wesley see the Loom of Fate. Yes, the most elite order of assassins in the world takes their orders from a machine that makes curtains. The Loom reveals the intended target through binary code based on skipped threads. Here Wesley gets his next assignment, Cross...

The special effects are well done, and the movie as a whole has a kind of fluorescent afterglow that speaks of the white collar nihilism that permeates the story. The audio is very harsh, and kind of grinding on the ears. If you've seen 30 Days of Night, it's very similar to that.

The film is really disjointed in its editing. It can be very difficult to follow at times. There's a twist, because what movie doesn't have a twist now days, but it's fairly pedestrian, and if you can't see it coming, then maybe you should stop watching films for a while. McAvoy does a good job playing the meek cubicle lemming, but Jolie and Freeman were pretty disappointing.

Another thing that I took issue with was how, like V for Vendetta, they castrated the main character. They turned Wesley from an unambiguously evil anti hero, to a good little boy who fell in with the wrong crowd at first. Much the same as they took V from a terrorist who killed innocent and guilty alike, to an avenger who only killed people who deserved it.

Wanted is 110 minutes long, and brought in a 62 on metacritic. That surprised me, because I didn't think the film was that good. I give it a 4/10, it might not kill you to watch it, but I'm not making any promises.

A Brief Hiatus.

2008-08-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like I'm going to be at AT with B Co. until the 25th. I've got a few backlogged posts that will be automatically posted in my absence. Please enjoy them.

100th post.

2008-07-29T19:31:00.000-07:00

And now for something completely frivolous.

Sometimes when I'm driving alone in a rural area, I put the car in neutral and let it coast down hills. It reminds of soapbox derbys.

A Day at the Races

2008-07-29T15:53:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, in celebration of my dad's 60th birthday, we visited some family friends who own a horse ranch. We pulled in at the Czech Mate Ranch, and promptly got a tour of the grounds. They own mostly fillies and mares, because they have a potential return on the investment that colts don't if they don't run well. They took pride in showing off the horses that they owned. They were nice horses, so I can't blame them. We started off by checking out the weenlings, the horses who are less than a year old.

An interesting fact about thoroughbred horses is that they're all officially born on New Years Day. Even if their birthday is New Years Eve, for racing purposes, they're considered one year old on January 1st. So most Thoroughbreds are born in between January and June, any later, and they'll be so far behind the other horses in terms of physical development that they just won't be able to keep up.

As we walked around, they showed us the yearling fillies who were going to go up for sale pretty soon. They were expecting over $30k for some of them. Impressive.

Finally they showed us their yearling colts. They warned us that the colts are a little more feisty than the fillies. I should have listened. As I petted one of them, it snapped around and bit me on the wrist. Irritated, I grabbed the horses halter and got ready to yank it back down to my level. Then I realized that this horse could be worth over $30k. I let go, backed away from the fence, and apologized. They laughed it off, apparently it's a pretty common occurrence.

They also talked about their prize horse, Enumclaw Girl. Enumclaw Girl is a 3 year old filly that they weren't able to convince anyone to buy as a yearling, so they decided to race her. She had a rather unassuming pedigree, although if you go back 7 generations she's descended from War Admiral. She's had 5 starts, won 3 of them, came in 2nd in another, and 3rd in the last. She's already earned them over $82k. Pretty nice.

We headed over to Emerald Downs to watch the races for the day. They didn't have any horses that they owned racing, but there was one horse they had bred, CatSilverandGrey, in the 2nd race. Cat hadn't done too well thus far, but they placed a bet on her just for the hell of it, and she came in third.

We watched a few races, and decided to hop down to the ground level to watch some of the races in the grandstands. Mom displayed an uncanny ability at this point. We walked down to the paddock to watch the horses being saddled. Mom considered them, and said, number 9 is going to win. Dad placed a bet on number 9. Number 9 won. Next race, number 7 is going to win, placed bet, 7 won. next race, number 8 is going to win, placed a bet on number 8, 8 won. That last race was the most interesting. I had a $1 8 to 7 Exacta bet on it. Coming around the stretch, number 8 was in the lead with number 7 closing fast on his tail. As they passed us, it seemed that number 7 had taken the lead, screwing me out of my bet. They cross the finish line, and declare a photo finish, meaning that it would require some time to verify. I gnawed on my lip as the time seemed to stretch off into eternity. Finally, the results came back, 8 had staved off 7, who finished in second. I won! I was ecstatic. Then the exacta results came out. I won a whopping $6.90... Most exciting $6.90 in my life.

We watched a couple of more races, and we decided to leave after the ninth race. I decided to place one final bet. After helping my aunt with a bet, I placed a $2 bet on Way Too Much to win the ninth race. When I came back, my aunt asked me why I chose to bet on that particular horse. Doris, the old lady who's been around horse racing longer than I've been alive caught me before I could answer.

"He's not betting on the horse, he's betting on the jockey."

Perceptive woman. It's true, Seth Martinez had won 5 races already today, and he was riding on Way Too Much for his last appearance today. Way Too Much won by two lengths. Hot damn.

While I didn't win a whole lot of money, I did have a great time. I hope to go back soon.

I Don't Like It When People Do This.

2008-07-28T21:26:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people doggedly refuse to accept their limitations. I'm 6'8" with marginal vision, I accept that I'm not going to be a fighter pilot. Muhammad Abdulqaadir refuses to accept that he's not NFL running back material. Maybe he does, but the writer of this article on Conde Nast Portfolio refuses to accept that.

Dan Golden believes that Muhammad should have gone in the middle rounds of the draft, and went undrafted because his father was a vocal supporter of Zacarias Moussaoui. Dan, have you watched the draft? Ever? If Hitler could run a 4.3 and catch a football, he'd get drafted in the 1st round. Here are the facts about drafting running backs.

You want an ideal height ranging from 5'10" to 6'2". Muhammad is 5'7".
You want an ideal speed below a 4.5. Muhammad ran a 4.6.
You want the back to be proven on a top tier team. He played for FCS school Southern Illinois University.

Any one of these things is not good, but not going to kill someone's chances. All together however? No chance. Get over it Dan. All your article is going to do is foment unwarranted resentment towards football from other people like yourself, who clearly have no grasp on the realities of the spot. Go find someone else to defame.

The Dark Knight

2008-07-28T01:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I went to go see the Dark Knight at midnight on opening night. However, due to the constraints of the mirror image course, I haven't been able to cook up the review until now.

Jeff and I went to the midnight showing in Poulsbo. To give you an idea of the popularity of this film, Poulsbo had six screens showing at midnight, and all six sold out.

Christian Bale reprises the double role of Bruce Wayne and Batman. As in Batman Begins, he does an excellent job of portraying Bruce Wayne as a billionaire playboy, and no small measure of jackass. As Batman, he's very imposing. Easily the best portrayal of the character to date.

The performance that has everyone abuzz is the late Heath Ledger's role as The Joker. Unlike previous incarnations of the killer clown in both animated and live action, Ledger shys away from the "Clown" and leans on the "Killer". Gone is the laughing gas, gone is the flag pistol. They are replaced by semtex and RPGs. The madness is certainly still there, but it's not humorous insanity, it's very dark. In my humble opinion, it's easily the best acting performance of the year.

Aaron Eckhart plays Harvey Dent, Gotham's new district attorney. He's the purest civilian character in the film aside from Rachel Dawes. Hailed as Gotham's "White Knight" Dent represents the best chance Gotham has to reclaim itself from the criminals without relying on vigilantes like Batman. There's a twist to the character that everyone with a passing familiarity to the Batman mythos will see coming, but for those who don't know it beforehand, it's pretty powerful.

Gary Oldman plays Jim Gordan, a police officer who works with Batman to crack down on the criminal underworld. He's a very sympathetic character in that he seems completely outmatched, yet is determined to do his job.

Maggie Gyllenhal replaces Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. Rachel Dawes' role in the story was scaled back from the original film. In Batman Begins, she represented the judicial system, a role that has been taken over by Harvey Dent in this film. She gets involved in a love triangle between Dent and Wayne, but has become much more of a bystander in the second film.

Michael Caine comes back as Alfred, Wayne's surprisingly wise butler. He's pretty much the same as in the first film.

The film is a little cleaner in the visual imagery than Batman Begins, however the plots are much darker. It opens up with a bank being robbed by a group of men wearing clown masks. As each man completes his role in the heist, another man kills him. Eventually the last man standing pulls his clown mask on to reveal a scarred face painted up like a clown. The Joker.

The story begins in earnest from there. Batman has put fear into the criminal element of Gotham. Most low level criminals won't even conduct business when the bat signal illuminates the sky. Furthermore, Batman has inspired other, lesser men, to take up the mantle of the bat in order to fight crime, much to Batman's chagrin. The mob is getting desperate, faced by Batman on the streets, and a fierce new DA who refuses to be intimidated by the mob's heavy handed tactics.

Desperate, they turn to a new face in the criminal element. The Joker. They offer him one half of their combined fortune in order for him to bring down the Batman. Eager for a challenge, the Joker accepts, and launches a campaign of terror, murder, and violence to try and pull Batman out of his anonymity. As Batman's conscience makes it harder and harder for him to remain anonymous as people are dying, public perception begins to turn on him, just as the Joker intended.

The Dark Knight is a superb movie. The visuals are sharp. The audio is a little distorted, and I wonder why it seems Batman felt the need to have microphones built into his knuckles. But other than that it's fine. The acting is simply incredible. The acting is truly what sets this movie apart, that, and it's lack of an editor.

The one flaw for this film is a rather big one. It's far too long. Like an hour too long. When you get a feel for the twist, and you see it coming, you can see the film unfolding in the following manner, lead up, climax, twist, fade to black. That would have been perfect, and a great setup for a sequel. Instead, it goes, lead up, climax, twist, about 30 minutes of meandering dialogue, restart. It seems almost as if instead of taking advantage of the natural cut point in the plot, they simply filmed the sequel, tacked it on the end, and added a poorly done bridge.

The Dark Knight is 152!? minutes long, and earned an 82 on Metacritic. It would have easily been a 10/10 for me if they had taken the time to cut the fat a bit more, but as it stands, I have to give it an 8/10.

Thematically however, there are some very impressive points that I'd like to discuss, however, if you haven't seen the film, I warn you, Here There Be Spoilers...

One of the main themes is 3. There are several distinct character triangles. Initially there is the love triangle between Bruce Wayne, Harvey Dent, and Rachel Dawes.

But more subtle at the same time, is the triangle between Batman, Jim Gordon, and Harvey Dent. Batman represents power, Gordon weakness, and Dent potential. This is manifested in public sentiment around Batman, that he's a vigilante and dangerous to all around him. The perception of Dent is that he's the infallible savior of the city who will sweep away the mob. While Gordon, who is truly incorruptible, toils in obscurity, and usually fruitlessly without Batman's power behind him.

A third triangle is the late film relationship between Batman, the Joker, and Two-Face. They come to represent Order, Chaos, and Chance, respectively. They are primal forces that can be very destructive if unguided. There becomes a certain dichotomy between each character. Batman and the Joker are polar opposites, and the Joker often comments that he won't know what to do if Batman isn't there to fight him. Harvey Dent is often referred to as the "White Knight" of Gotham, even after his fall from grace, while Batman, the titular Dark Knight, takes the burden of being an outlaw upon himself in order to protect the city's perception of Dent. Two Face and the Joker share an air of amorality. Joker threatens to kill both a ship full of prisoners, and a ship full of innocents. Two Face flips a coin to decide who lives and who dies.

These three triangles dominate the film, each taking precedence in a third of the film.

Another major concept is the idea of perception blurring the line between hero and villain to suit the psychological needs of the populace. Harvey Dent goes from hero to villain, but due to the labors of Batman and Gordon, he is always seen as a hero, as that is what the people need. While Batman is always a hero, the perception of him being a hero goes from being questionable, to being a straight up villain over the course of the film.

If you haven't seen this film yet, you're a terrible person.

Well, this could be terrifying.

2008-07-28T00:32:00.000-07:00

Someone actually cooked up an offense where all 11 players are potentially eligible to recieve the ball.

It's called the A-11, and it's here.

American Terrorist

2008-07-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

So the guard sent me to the Terrorism Research Center's Mirror Image course. This school is an 80 hour program designed to simulate a radical Sunni terrorist training camp, modeled after the Khalid bin Waleed training camps in Pakistan. The idea is to give you a crash course in Arab and Islamic cultural awareness, a brief on how to speak basic phrases in arabic and read arabic numbers, along with detailed studies on major terrorist attacks from Al-Quaeda, the IRA, Hamas, and other groups.

The school was at Camp Rilea from July 20th to July 25th. Upon arrival, they broke us up into cells, and handed out Shawlar Kamishes aka Mandresses to everyone. They're suprisingly comfortable, even with the annoyingly Jared-like pants.

We went down to the "Mosque" and was introduced to our cadre. The "emir" was a former marine who spends most of his time in Palestine, Afghanistan, and Iraq studying terrorist operations. He has a photographic knowledge of a lot of terrorist attacks, down to the names of the most peripherial entities. The "imam" had a masters in Arab Studies from Georgetown and a Certificate of Advanced Arabic Proficiency from Georgetown. He actually knew more about Islam and Arabic than the Iraqi who was taking the class.

We did the whole nine yards, Islamic prayer at 0515, terrorist operations as a cell, eating hummus. Hummus gives me terrible gas.

I was part of a 13 person cell. This included an E-6, two E-5s, three E-4s, an E-3, and a Captain from the same battalion S-2 shop from Ft. Lewis. There was an American working for an information research company, an Iraqi working for a private security company, a Marine Scout/Sniper, and a platoon leader from Charlie company. And I got selected as the Cadre leader. Dammit. Personality clashes abound.

The E-6 got named ops officer, and decided that she wanted the cell to be run like her battalion, with the S-3 running all the planning, and the leader rubber stamping things. At one point when I came to run my plan by her, she hands me a peice of paper and says "this is what we're doing." What the fuck. I wanted to run it like an infantry squad, seeing as we had 13 people, which is a lot closer to the 9 of a squad than the 400+ of a batallion.

There were some really fun missions. Most involved using sim rounds, which fire colored soap instead of hot lead, which is less dangerous and less painful, but you still know you've been hit. They also used some amped up paintball guns, as the wicked welt on my tricep attests. They also had a familiarization course on the AK-47. The AK is a simpler weapon to break down than my M-4, however, it's got kinda a cheap feel to it, and a block safety and charging lever that make the weapon pretty much designed for left handed firers. It's a real pain to try and use off the bat as a right handed shooter.

Among the guest speakers was former CIA agent, and author of Imperial Hubris and Marching Towards Hell, Michael Scheuer. While there are aspects of his ideas that I agree in, his complete amoralism is terrifying.

Aside from the knowledge I gained from the class, I also got to keep the Shalwar Kamish, a copy of the Quran, and a signed copy of Marching Towards Hell. Awesomesauce. I honestly think that everyone who is going to deploy to the middle east should take this course.

Drink of the Moment: The Chocolate Cake Shot

2008-07-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

And now for something a little different.

This is a little complicated and subtle, so this is not a drink to be bought on the fifth or sixth round. Try it early in the night,and don't be stingy, the ladies love these. This drink is a ritual shooter, akin to a Ritual Tequila.

You'll need vanilla vodka, a hazelnut liqueor like Frangelico, sugar, and a lemon wedge.

First things first, take a shot glass and line the rim with sugar. Then take the lemon wedge and coat it in sugar. Next, take one part vanilla vodka and one part hazelnut liqueor and stir them together and pour into the shot glass. Now the drink is prepared.

Unlike the other cocktails I've written about here, this drink needs to be drunk an a particular fashion. First down the shot. It will taste like ass. Next bite into the lemon wedge and suck on it. That aftertaste of ass will suddenly be transformed into the taste of chocolate cake, and if you really buy into it, it almost feels like you're biting into a big piece of chocolate cake.

There really aren't any ways to change it up. Some people proscribe orange vodka instead of vanilla... they are idiots, vanilla's the way to go.

There is Hope.

2008-07-19T02:25:00.000-07:00

I just got back from running the American Cancer Society Relay for Life. My family drew the unfortunate slot of 1 am to 2 am. It was a humbling experience. For those of you who missed out on this worthwhile venture, you can find all the information you need here.

The relay took place on the local track. The track was marked with paper lanterns, each one commemorating someone who struggled with cancer. Each one marked someone's father, mother, brother, sister, son, or daughter. On the infield, the Relay teams set up tents in the ragamuffin style that is so very quaintly Port Townsend. They had a projector running Grease and later Big Fish, and a popcorn machine.

Walking out there for an hour was an enlightening experience. This is something bigger than any one of us, yet it touches so many of us in profoundly personal ways. Anything we can do to fight it is worth it. I have lost a grandparent on each side of my family, an aunt, and a cousin to the disease. Both my parents have had to struggle against it. I've seen how it can destroy people. But I will say this, when it comes for me, I'll rip its damn head off.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

2008-07-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

I will...

Fuck Yes...

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

2008-07-16T23:43:00.000-07:00

So this is what guys like Joss Whedon do during the Writer's Strike...

Joss Whedon, of Buffy and Firefly fame, along with the lesser Whedon brothers, Zack and Jed, got bored during the recent Writer's Strike. So they wrote a campy B-Movie Musical, staring Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion, and Felicia Day.

NPH plays as Dr. Horrible, an amateur mad scientist, attempting to gain entrance into the Evil League of Evil. He videoblogs his evil schemes, and answers reader mail, you know, the whole blog crawl. Dr. Horrible has no super powers, beyond what he can build himself.

Felicia Day plays Penny, Dr. Horrible's crush, whom he can't get up the nerve to talk to. She volunteers her time to try and convince people to sign a petition to open a new homeless shelter.

Nathan Fillion plays Captain Hammer, Dr. Horrible's arch nemesis. Captain Hammer dislocated Dr. Horrible's shoulder in their last showdown. He was born with a full head of hair and the ability to bench press 500 lbs.

The show is being released in three acts on the website I linked to above. The first act was released on Tuesday, act II will be released today, and act III on Saturday. It has a surprisingly high production value for a web released side project. It looks just like any other live action TV show. The writing is campy and somewhat uninspired, but the music is well done. NPH does a good job both acting and singing. Day has a surprisingly good voice too. Fillion seemed a little out of sorts and I'm not sure how much of that was him and how much was the character.

It's pretty funny, and worth the 14 minutes it takes to watch the act. There's also a webcomic about Captain Hammer available here. Joss really went all out on this thing.

Bitter:Sweet - Drama

2008-07-16T11:57:00.000-07:00

Bitter:Sweet is a sweet Trip-Hop duo. The vocals are done by Shana Halligan, and the production and composition is done by Kiran Shahani. Shahani is best known for his work with the LA based Trip-Hop group Supreme Beings of Leisure, and that influence bleeds through noticeably. It's a good thing.

Bitter:Sweet's 2006 debut album, The Mating Game, was featured on Gray's Anatomy, Lipstick Jungle, and The Devil Wears Prada. Following up on that success, they released their sophomore effort in June 2008, entitled Drama.

Drama is a stylistic album that uses Trip-Hop styling, supplemented by jazz melodies. There's a heavy emphasis on swing jazz, light jazz, and lounge jazz. One track is actually a waltz. It lacks the melancholic overall feel of other Trip-Hop groups. It crops up on a couple tracks, but for the most part, it's very upbeat. Halligan has a very sultry voice, that is complemented by the styling of Shahani.

The mastering is tight, but with a distinctive lo-fi feel to the instruments. It evokes a smokey lounge, straight out of some noir film. The album doesn't really vary its pace up until the last song, which slows down dramatically. The track changes are unremarkable, just the standard end, blank air, start, setup. There's no cross fading.

The album is 13 tracks, and 42 minutes long. My favorite tracks were "Drama", "A Moment", and "Drink You Sober". It's a nice ambient feel, very close to Supreme Beings of Leisure, Bjork, or Portishead. I'd give it a 7/10, and if you liked any of the aforementioned artists, you'll love this album.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

2008-07-15T13:11:00.000-07:00

I know, another movie. So sue me.

So I'm loafing around the house, and Jeff calls me up, asks me if I want to go to Silverdale, hang out for a bit, and then go see a movie. Jeff wanted to go see Hancock, but I've already seen it, so I talked him into watching Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

I hopped into the little Nissan Light Truck, and drove out to Silverdale. I'm one of those guys who drives at a constant 4 miles above the speed limit, because the overwhelming majority of police officers won't bother you about it. However, I got stuck behind a Lincoln Navigator who was stuck behind some subcompact looking thing that insisted on driving 45 in a 60 mph zone. Oncoming traffic bedeviled any attempt to pass the little bastard. Then things got worse, a semi truck pulled up behind me. For truckers, time is money, and he wanted to do about 70. So he's riding my ass, and I'm several car lengths on the wrong side of uncomfortably close to the massive SUV in front of me. If something happens to the subcompact, I'm going to get sandwiched, and the Nissan I'm riding in feels like the kind of stereotypical Japanese car that might as well be made of rice paper for all the protection it affords me.

Thus we rolled for almost 40, nerve racking, miles. Finally the road split into a three lane freeway. The semi blew past me, I blew past the Navigator, and we all left the subcompact in the dust.

I met Jeff and Amber at Famous Dave's along with one of Jeff's friends from his time staffing Scout Camp, Andy. We hung out, hit the mall, and loafed around to kill time before the 9:55 showtime for Hellboy. But the mall closes at 9:00, and we had almost an hour to kill. So what did we do? Andy ran to his car, and busted out a Frisbee, and we threw that thing around for a half hour in the theater parking lot until the manager sent her minions out to put a stop to us. Aren't we rebels?

But by that point, we had decided to go in to go see the film anyways.

ON TO THE REVIEW!

Hellboy II: The Golden Army is the sequel to the 2004 film, Hellboy. Hellboy II stars Ron Perlman as Hellboy, a demon summoned by the Nazis in 1944 in an attempt to beat back the allied invasion. However, Hellboy was summoned as an infant, captured by the allies, and raised by a kindly old professor. Hellboy's true name is Anung un Rama, and his right hand is made of red indestructible stone. Hellboy's right hand is the key that unleashes Armageddon upon the world. However, in a triumph of nurture over nature, Hellboy has been raised to fight for humanity at the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense, or BPRD.

Selma Blair stars as Liz Sherman, Hellboy's love interest, and Pyrokinetic. Liz has the ability to generate flames of incredible heat when she get angry. Kind of like a female Human Torch.

Doug Jones plays Abe Sapien, an Icthyo Sapien, or fish man. He's psychic, and the brains of most field operations, possessing an extensive knowledge of the occult and bizarre.

The story kicks off with the story of the Golden Army. Long ago, man waged war upon the fey folk. The elves, ogres, trolls, fairies, and goblins were all slaughtered. In desperation, the king of the elves commissioned the goblin blacksmiths to build a golden army of 70 times 70 soldiers. This army could be controlled by a golden crown that when worn unchallenged, granted the wearer complete control over the army. These invincible clockwork warriors knew no remorse, and butchered the human army. The king, horrified by the carnage, agreed to a truce with the humans. The humans could keep their cities, and the fey would keep the forests. As a sign of the truce, the crown was broken into three pieces, one was given to the humans, and two were kept by the elves. The elven prince Nuada, disgusted with the king's decision to sign the truce, went into exile, training for the time that the war erupts again.

As time marched on, the humans forgot the truce. They encroached upon the lands promised to the fey. Prince Nuada trained, and honed his skills, and saw his moment to act. The piece of the Golden Crown owned by the humans was up for auction, starting at $7 million. Nuada, and his accomplice, a huge cave troll known as Mr. Wink, broke into the auction house and seized the piece. Then as a statement to humanity at large, he unleashed a swarm of Tooth Fairies upon the people in the auction house. These Tooth Fairies are more like anthropomorphous locusts, devouring everything in their path, teeth first, hence the name.

The event is locked down, and the BPRD is called in. Liz, Abe, Hellboy, and two human agents. As they investigate, the Tooth Fairies attack them. Eventually, Liz decides to just incinerate the lot of them. The resulting conflagration blows Hellboy out a window and into the crowd below, blowing BPRD's cover. Out in the open, BPRD is now assigned a new agent to oversee the team. Johann Krauss. Krauss was a German psychic who had his body incinerated by some event during a seance. Now he is just an ectoplasmic fog that binds his soul to this world. Given fresh direction by the resourceful Klauss, the BPRD begins to investigate who was responsible for the attack on the auction house...

The movies is very similar visually to Guillermo del Toro's previous work, Pan's Labyrinth. If you haven't seen one of del Toro's films, think Tim Burton on downers. It's a little creepy, yet whimsical, and dark all at the same time. The acting is a little scattered. Perlman is a pro, but that might be the product of typecasting, given that it seems that every role he undertakes opens with "Enter deformed freak". Blair was disappointing, she didn't take well for the more adjusted direction of her character. Doug Jones was amazing with his body language, but his dialogue was a little labored. The movie's pace is a little schizo too. The score is unremarkable.

Hellboy II is 110 minutes long, and got a 78 on metacritic. It's a fun summer movie, and worth watching if you enjoy something a little outlandish. It's got an irreverent B-Movie feel to it, and it doesn't apologize for it. It's got laughs, drama, and action, what more could you ask for? I'd give it an 8/10

A day at the movies.

2008-07-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

I've got three reviews for you. You can guess what I did with my Sunday.

The first film I watched was WALL-E at the Rose Theater. The film is set in a world where mankind has literally buried the planet in garbage. A single universal corporation, Buy N Large (BnL), has caused rampant consumerism, and has decided on a mass exodus from the planet on their luxury starliners while a series of robots cleans the planet. These robots, the Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth Class, or WALL-Es, roam the planet. They scoop up garbage, crush it into a cube, and stack the cubes in ziggurat like structures, dwarfing local sky scrapers. This operation lasts until the year 2700, when there is only one WALL-E left in operation. Without being tended by technicians on a regular basis, WALL-E has developed a quirky personality. He hoards objects that catches his eye, like a Rubik cube, an eggbeater, and a hoard of Twinkies. He has a pet cockroach, and enjoys watching Hello Dolly! on his iPod.

WALL-E slaves away on Earth, until one day, a ship lands, and drops off another robot. This robot, EVE, has the mission to find plant life, off which WALL-E has the only known sample. EVE is sleek, fast, and also a godless killing machine. Why searching for plants of a desolate world requires a plasma cannon is beyond me. But WALL-E flirts with her, and they develop a friendship. WALL-E shows her the plant, and her programming kicks in. She sucks the plant into her chest cavity, and seals up dormant, until the ship returns to pick her up. WALL-E jumps on the ship, and catches a ride out to the mother ship containing the human race. Centuries in microgravity, combined with a dependence on servant robots for even the most minute tasks have led to humanity evolving into obese slobs, incapable of even the most basic tasks. WALL-E struggles to catch up with EVE, and help her prove to the humans that the Earth is capable of supporting life again.

In the end, WALL-E gets a little too preachy for my tastes. But if you look strictly upon the character interactions, it's a classic love story between atypical characters.

WALL-E is 98 minutes long, and pulled in a 93 on Metacritic. The film is beautifully rendered, as any Pixar film is. However, the flaw in using a cartoonish CG setup is that it seems a little garish when contrasted with live action setups. Someone at Pixar forgot to point that out. Thankfully, there are only a few such scenes. The product placement of Apple is a little too blatant for my tastes, with WALL-E's iPod sitting on what could only be described as the shrine of his humble abode, several characters are voiced by MacInTalk and Plaintalk, and EVE design being quoted by the director as an extension of the iPod's design. But that's to be expected when the man who sold Pixar to Disney happens to be the primary shareholder in Disney, and the CEO of Apple. The score is well done, and the closing theme, Down to Earth, by Peter Gabriel is quite catchy. WALL-E is well made, and worth seeing, I'd give it an 8/10

Attached to WALL-E is a 5 minute short cartoon called Presto, it's hilarious. Some real Looney Tunes type stuff.

Later on that night, we decided to go see the double feature at the Drive In theater. Drive Ins are a dying breed. This particular theater is nestled in a clearing, surrounded by old growth cedar trees. And bats. There are bats there, and they constantly swoop in front of the screen. But nobody's perfect. The theater was playing The Incredible Hulk and The Love Guru.

First up was The Incredible Hulk. This film is a reboot of the film series in the same vein as Batman Begins. Ang Lee's 2003 directorial belly flop, The Hulk, was widely panned by critics, and bombed at the box office. As such, the new director, Louis Leterrier went to town with a tomahawk. He effectively erased Lee's film from continuity, and despite the two films sharing many roles, he recast all of them.

The story kicks off 5 years after Bruce Banner was irradiated by GAMMA radiation. On the run, he has sought shelter in the favelas of Rio de Janiero, where he works day labor in a bottling plant and studies techniques to control his emotions under a brazillian jiu-jitsu master. After he accidental cuts his hand, his blood spills into a bottle that is shipped to Wisconsin. A poor SOB drinks it, and drops dead from GAMMA poisoning. This alerts the zealous General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross to Banner's location. Banner is corresponding with a mysterious radiation expert, known as Mr. Blue, in an attempt to try and find a way to cure him of his curse.

General Ross sends an elite team to attempt to capture Banner. This group is led by an operative named Emil Blonsky, who is on loan from the British Royal Marines. They find Banner, however, the pursuit forces Banner to transform into the Hulk, a superhumanly strong creature whose power increases exponentially with his anger. The Hulk trashes the factory as he escapes, leaving Blonsky in awe of his power.

Banner heads back to Culver College in Virginia, site of his accident, in search of the data that Mr. Blue needs to synthesize a treatment. There he meets with Betty Ross, the General's daughter, and Banner's partner in the experiment. After obtaining the data needed, Betty's current boyfriend snitches Banner out to the General, and the general pulls out all the stops to try and catch him. This include dusting off the old Weapon I serum that made Captain America into a Super Soldier in WWII. Injecting it into Blonsky, Blonsky soon becomes addicted to gaining more power, and soon sets his sights on the GAMMA power of the Hulk.

Ed Norton replaces Eric Bana as Bruce Banner. Norton provides a more pathetic Banner, as opposed to the somewhat alpha male performance of Bana. This does much better in creating an effective dichotomy between Banner and the Hulk, making it a true Jekyll and Hyde.

The Hulk himself has been redesigned. He's a little leaner, and more defined than in Lee's movie. I think it brings him closer to the ideal man taken to the extreme motif than Lee's did.

Liv Tyler replaces Jennifer Connelly as Betty Ross. Liv is a little more vulnerable than Connelly was, and becomes more of a sympathetic character.

William Hurt takes over the role of General Ross from Sam Elliot. I disagreed with this change. I think Elliot is the better actor, and he did a much better job of channelling the Ahab-like zeal of the character.

Tim Roth plays Emil Blonsky, and does a very good job of portraying a professional soldier who knows he's running out of time.

Leterrier's Hulk is more action and less angst than Lee's movie was. It also does a good job of starting to tie the film in with the greater Marvel continuity. Little things, like the Weapon Plus logo on the cryo tube containing the super soldier serum, and the appearance of Robert Downey Jr, reprising his role as Tony Stark, making a recruiting pitch for the Avengers to General Ross.

I have one major gripe though. PEOPLE OF HOLLYWOOD, HEAR ME! ESPECIALLY YOU PEOPLE AT MARVEL! I am sick of seeing just straight up inaccurate representations of the machinations of the US Army. We do not wear BDU's anymore, exchange soldiers do not wear US dress uniforms, we do not use M-16A2s anymore, a Humvee wheel does not come off that easily. That's to say nothing of the lousy tactics displayed by the soldiers. I let it go in Iron Man, seeing as those were supposed to be Air Force personnel, but this was supposed to be Army Infantry. I will work for a tenth of what other Hollywood military consultants would work for, and I will make sure that you will not make stupid mistakes like those again.

The Incredible Hulk is 114 minutes long, and earned a 61 on metacritic. The movie is fast paced, and intense. However, I think it was spoiled a bit by the trailers. The first 20 minutes of the movie was intentionally setup to have a strong reveal of the Hulk, but everyone had already seen it. The soundtrack was well put together, and included the nostalgic leitmotif from the "Lonely Man" theme from the classic TV show. It's a good film, and worth a shot. I'd give it a 7/10.

After the intermission, The Love Guru started up. There's 88 minutes of my life I'll never get back. The film is a Mike Myers vehicle. Myers plays the Guru Pitka, a love guru in the vein of Deepak Chopra. He is hired on by Jane Bullard, played by Jessica Alba, the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs. His job is to fix the marriage of the Leafs' star player, Darren Roanoke, acted by Romany Malco. Roanoke has been cuckolded by the goalie of the LA Kings, Jacques "Le Coq" Grande, played by Justin Timberlake, and Roanoke has been in a slump ever since.

The movie has a few moments that will inspire laughter, but even those won't last beyond the parking lot. For the most part it's a cavalcade of distasteful puns and shock humor. Everything is outlandish, from Myer's facial hair, which is like the bastard offspring of Rollie Fingers' mustache and Dusty Hill's beard, to the God awful acting of so many of the films stars.

Myers is mediocre in the film. Alba is still scorchingly hot. Malcos is the stereotypical black athlete, which makes very little sense in a hockey film. Timberlake proved he can't act drama in Alpha Dog, and has proven that he's even worse at comedy. Verne Troyer seemed forced. Stephen Colbert was a high point of the film, but he was seated next to Jim Gaffigan, who just sucks the life out of the scenes they share. Ben Oliver can't act period, and was clearly dying out there. Even the regal Ben Kingsley was reduced to the abyss in this film.

The soundtrack, and film in general, draws too heavily on Bollywood stereotypes to be entertaining. There's a reason why the film garnered a 24 on Metacritic. Stay away from this film, it's not worth your time. It's a 2/10.

Fixing College Football: The Conferences

2008-07-08T21:03:00.000-07:00

Here's where all hell would break loose. There's too much variability in the conferences. The Big East and Sun Belt have 8 teams, the WAC and MWC have 9, the Pac 10 has 10, the Big Ten inexplicably has 11, The SEC, ACC, Big XII, and C-USA have 12, the MAC has 13, and 4 schools think they're too good for a conference. In no way, shape, or form, does that add up to a fair coherent sum.

So here's what we do. We reconsolidate all the conferences into a single uniform model. But as you can see, we have 6 different models, and 120 teams to split up, so how do we do this?

The 8 team model is stable, and capable of having a true round robin be played within, it would require 14 conferences to be established, requiring 3 new conferences to be established. Doable, but a little messy.

The 9 team model still allows for a true round robin, however, it doesn't divide into the 120 teams, requiring either 3 teams to be dropped, or six teams absorbed.

The 10 team model fits nicely into a round robin, and would require 12 conferences, only one more than our current number. As of now, it's the cleanest solution.

The 11 team model doesn't fit into a round robin, and lop sided divisions would make a conference championship a dicey affair. Also, it would require either absorbing a team, or dropping ten teams, if we absorbed a team, it would leave us with an uneven number of conferences, further complicating matters. This goes to show that the Big Ten can screw up more than just National Championship games.

The 12 team model fits the conference championship game model well, and would require 10 conferences, only requiring us to dissolve one conference (Sun Belt, I'm looking at you...). It's another clean solution.

The MAC's 13 team model? All I can say about that is that they were almost certainly high on something when they cooked that one up.

This analysis narrows the choices down to either the 10 team round robin, or the 12 team conference championship method.

The conference championship games were established as a method for a conference to rake in more money by staging an extra game, resulting in millions of dollars in profits from tickets, merchandising, and TV rights. The downside is that by partitioning the conferences, you limit the number of in conference games that matter, and given the fluctuations of teams from year to year, one division might become significantly more difficult than another, as seen in the Big XII, where Oklahoma or Texas regularly crush whatever team meekly emerges from the Northern Division.

By the flip side, by narrowing the determine factor for the Championship to one game, you see some extreme fluctuations. The phrase "Any Given Sunday..." applied to the NFL, but here, it's "Any Given Saturday...". Over the course of multiple games, the best team will typically emerge by ironing out the statistical fluctuations. During one game, if the better team is caught on a bad day, essentially the rest of the season is immaterial. It's happened on multiple occasions in the SEC, Big XII, and ACC. This cannot be said of a round robin.

By playing a nine game round robin, a team can have a bad game and still prove themselves the superior team in the end. Nor can a weak team overachieve and embarrass their conference later on. The truth will out in the other eight games.

This is why the conferences will be overhauled as 12 10 team conferences, to ensure that the best teams make it to the playoff system that is our eventual goal.

Saw this at Hancock.

2008-07-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't wait for November...

Hancock

2008-07-07T21:34:00.000-07:00

I have just returned from the Uptown Theater, drinking in the outside ticket booth that apparently required a months down time to install. It wasn't worth it. However, Hancock, the new Will Smith superhero film, certainly was.

Will Smith stars as the titular character, a drunken, irascible man who happens to have phenomenal superpowers. He's essentially superbum. The first glimpse the audience gets of him is passed out drunk on a public bench, clutching a six pack of Gentleman John's Bourbon. Doubles too, not mere fifths. He can fly at supersonic speed, has super strength, and is nigh indestructible. However, as Spider Man often says, "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility." Hancock is a drunk, and as such not very responsible. His first on screen attempt of breaking off a high speed shootout on the freeway results in over $9 million in damages to public property. This does not endear him with the Los Angeles public, and as they vent their frustrations upon him, he responds in kind. However, at the heart of his issues is the loneliness felt as a man who has no equals.

Ray Embrey, played by Jason Bateman, is an eternally optimistic and idealistic PR man. His goal is to make a charity brand, called All-Heart, that would inspire companies to donate their products to the needy for free. This does not go over well. On his way home, he finds his vehicle deadlocked in traffic, and on the train tracks, in the path of the train. As he struggles to free himself, Hancock arrives, flips his car out of harms way, and in the process, derails the train. Once again everyone who witnessed the accident berates Hancock for not simply flying the car away. Only Embrey expresses any gratitude for Hancock's action, inviting him into his house to join his family for their traditional spaghetti dinner.

Embrey's wife, Mary, is not pleased. Portrayed by Charlize Theron, Mary treats Hancock with suspicion and no small amount of curtness, rushing him out of the house as soon as the meal is ended. As Hancock leaves, Ray hands him his business card, offering to put his PR power behind Hancock in an effort to turn Hancock's image with the public around.

Hancock spends a night thinking it over, and decides to take Ray up on his offer. However, the LA DA has issued a warrant for Hancock's arrest, stemming from the massive amount of damage he has inflicted on the city. Ray sees this as a great opportunity to turn Hancock's image around. He convinces Hancock to surrender himself for incarceration, where he undergoes rehab and anger management sessions. As the crime rate skyrockets in Hancock's absence, Ray makes plans to overhaul Hancock's image, and Hancock waits in prison for a situation that requires his abilities...

Hancock is 92 minutes long. It debuted to mixed reviews, garnering a 90 from the New Yorker and an 88 from the Philadelphia Inquirer, but a 30 from Newsweek and a flat out 0 from the Wall Street Journal. Metacritic settled the film at a 49. It starts out as a snarky deconstruction of the superhero genre, and succeeds in that aspect. There's a twist that leads the film down a more serious road. The humor's still there in the second half, but it's more situational, such as when Hancock disarms a gunman using a candy bar. The special effects have a little trouble melding with the film, leading to some breaks with the immersion. The acting is solid, and the score, by John Powell, is well suited to the film.

Hancock strives to be a "superhero in real life" type of story, in the vein of Heroes. However, the film still makes some concessions to the fantasy world. Hancock, despite his super strength which allows him to toss a humpback whale a mile away, refrains from simply dismembering people he fights in hand to hand combat, even in life and death circumstances. A stigma Jessica from Heroes, does not suffer from.

In the end, Hancock is a decent film. It's no Citizen Kane, it's probably not even Superman Returns, but it's worth watching if you have some time on your hands. I'd give it a 6/10.

A little more humor.

2008-07-07T19:05:00.001-07:00

It's funny because I could actually see the media doing something like this.

Some people are never happy...

2008-07-07T14:35:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure you're aware of by now, Diablo III has been announced by Blizzard. As a former Diablo II player, I'm excited. I simply pray that I'll be able to play it without buying a new computer.

However, there are some fans who are not as happy. These angst ridden souls are so outraged at the thought of sunlight penetrating their Gothic Wonderland that they've formed a petition. They claim that the new graphics don't match the games dark mood, and that they take too much after World of Warcraft.

Cry me a fucking river. I, for one, welcome a game that doesn't require me to jack the contrast and brightness all the way up to eleven in order to make out what the hell it is I'm doing. The art changed slightly? Meh, I enjoy it when a game series evolves. It takes after WoW? Perhaps true, but that's just good cross marketing business practice. Perfectly understandable.

I will say this though, if one of the three unreleased classes isn't a paladin, Blizzard shall tremble...

Fixing College Football: The New Athlete

2008-07-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

The NCAA still holds a tight grip on the student athlete, through complex rules and regulations as to what is required of the Student Athlete in order to maintain their eligibility to play. The NCAA actually legislates and monitors how much money a student athlete can earn at a part time job during the academic year. Players are not allowed to hold a job when their sport is in season, which for football, stretches from August to early January. The argument is that the scholarship is the compensation. However, a recent study showed that the average athlete comes up $2,500 dollars short a year. That's money that comes out of either his pocket, or his family's. In the light of Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush's recent improper benefits investigation, it's obvious that that money isn't always there.

The NCAA would have you believe that football players are amateurs. In reality, they are professionals. Football is their job. The average player faces a one hour conditioning program in the morning, a two hour practice each weekday, and at least an hour of meetings and film study. Not to mention ten hours spent for each home game, and a whole weekend lost to each away game. All this, and they are expected to have a full time class schedule, and maintain certain GPA requirements.

That is where things go wrong. Here is how to fix it. Allow athletes to carry a reduced class load during the fall quarter to compensate for the time consumed by football, but require them to be full time the other quarters, and make up the shortfall, either through additional classes in winter and spring, or through summer courses. Also, a stipend to be paid by a fund established from the profits the NCAA gets from television and merchandising. each team carries about 80 players, 120 teams, and a $2,500 shortfall for each player. $24 million should cover it. Not too tall of an order given that the 4 year contract with Fox to show just the four BCS bowls is worth $80 million a year, and the 10 year contract with ABC to show the bulk of the games is worth $600 million.

These changes will ease the strain of being a college football player. It will also help keep them away from some of the ticky tack violations. A little spare change goes a long way for the NCAA.

On the Hunt.

2008-07-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

Deutlich has brought up another debate.

I'd like to know your take on hunting.

Is it a perfectly legit sport? Do you think it's all right so long as the animals killed are eaten? Or do you think it's just completely wrong?

What about the hunting of nearly extinct animals to make ends meat (no pun intended)? Pandas, Elephants, Tigers and the like are slaughtered for various reasons in some regions of the world, often due to extreme poverty.

I consider myself a conservationist, of the Theodore Roosevelt variety. I am not a preservationist, there is a difference. I enjoy the outdoors. While I don't hunt very often, I understand the place it has in our society.

Hunting is a culture, and at times a necessity. It is a legitimate sport, as it requires skill, physical ability, and discipline. People hunt for food, for profit, or for trophies. All three are valid reasons. However, I feel it must be a fair and sporting event. I detest canned hunts. Go and track, stalk, and take down the animal yourself, don't have someone tie the creature down so you can pull the trigger.

As a conservationist, I understand that rules must be in place and enforced to regulate the use of the land, lest jackasses screw it up for the rest of us. For the most part, hunters have been at the forefront of conservation efforts. Hunters founded conservation groups like Ducks Unlimited and the Safari Club International, they also pushed for congress to pass the Wildlife Restoration Act and the Federal Duck Stamp Program.

As for the hunting of Endangered Big Game, I believe that the populations should be closely monitored, and only a certain number be allowed to be hunted each season based on the recent population estimates. Each kill must be reported to ensure accuracy in the next estimate, and people who poach, should be punished severely. Poaching is essentially stealing from the next generation of hunters, and you know my stance on that.

The Long Weekend.

2008-07-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

July 4th is a great day, not just for the historical significance, but because it's the day where outdoor activities, food, drinks, and explosives, all cross paths. It's amazing what a fun combination those can be.

I rode out towards Poulsbo with my best friend, Jeff, and my best friend's brother, Dave. We stopped at an Indian Fireworks booth, and picked up $100 worth of fireworks. 5 packs of sparklers, 2 packs of roman candles, and a mortar with 10 shells. Once those were secured, we stopped by the casino, and played craps. I brought in $40 and left with $55, Jeff came in with $200 and left with $365. The gambling gods were kind to us.

Back at Jeff's place, we played some GTA IV, and killed some time before the girls showed up. The girls promptly decided to try and make things awkward by going and picking up my younger sister. Not going to spoil my fun. I promptly made myself a drink, comprised of 2 oz Malibu Rum, 2 ounces Grenadine, 2 ounces Blue Curacao, filled with club soda. I stirred it, flamed an orange peel, an threw an orange twist in as garnish. Tasted like grape Kool-aid. The orange I bought from Safeway was too dry, so the citrus oil didn't come through like I wanted.

Drink in hand, we marched down to the beach, and proceeded to lob fireworks into the sky. We burned through pretty much our whole stock, save three mortar shells we were going to fire when the girls got back. There were a lot of people there, and therefore a lot of fireworks, but I still kind of miss the massive displays the army would put on for posts. Then again, it certainly beat the pants off the show put on when I was at Fort Benning for the 4th in 2006.

The girls showed up, and decided they wanted to sit in the hot tub rather than set off the fireworks immediately. Killjoys.

Eventually we coerced them down to the beach, and set off the remaining mortar shells, plus a few special bursts. Remember those sparklers we bought? It's amazing what you can do with those.

We capped of the night with a game of beer pong, and went home. I got to sleep at 0330...

And was promptly woken up at 0630 by my dad, with whom I was going to the Heritage Car Races at the lovely Pacific Raceways. Fun, but I would have loved to have slept some more. We picked up a couple of my Dad's friends before we left town, and I have been sworn to secrecy as to their identities. They both have jobs with the city that require them to champion environmentalism, but they were closet car fanatics, and very enthusiastic and knowledgeable. We'll call them #1 and #2.

The ride to the raceway was dominated by two discussions. One was about how the dismal grey sky was just the marine layer, and surely would burn off to reveal a clear sunny day by noon at the latest. The other, and far more interesting, was about cars, ranging from the time #1's first car stopped at a red light, only to watch one of the wheels continue on the route, the time I saw an Enzo parked outside the Staples in Bellvue, to the 959 that Bill Gates got so many speeding tickets in that his license got pulled.

Once we got to Pacific Raceways, we enthusiastically rushed around staring at the cars parked in the club section. Dad lamented selling his 914 as he stared at an infantry blue 2.0 for sale for a little over $10K. #1 kept staring at an old 6 cylinder Jag, even though he knew the reputation for older British cars to be beautiful looking and beautiful sounding pieces of shit. #2 simply mused about what could have been had he not given up racing. I wondered who let all the 300Zs park there. Some of the notable cars in that section included a Lamborghini Diablo, a De Tomaso Pantera, and a Porsche 550 Spyder. But if I had to take a car from that lot, I'd probably go with the Ferrari 575M, most comfortable ride out there, but it'll still turn heads.

We stepped into the vending area, to take a look at what they had to offer. I immediately made a beeline for a specific tent, leaving the old guys in the dust, when they caught up, they saw why. Celebrating the 60th Anniversary of Porsche, they had a tent set up. The first car in the display was a rare 917. Not a replica, this was the actual #20 gulf car. While not as important historically as the "Pink Pig" or 'Psychedelic Porsche" that took 1st and 2nd at the 1970 Le Mans, respectively. Or the 917/30 Sunoco that killed the Can-Am series and remains among the most powerful normal fuel race cars in existence. This one was famous in it's own right, being the car that was supposedly driven by Steve McQueen in the film Le Mans.

Alongside the 917 were a couple of early 911s, a 356A, a 550 Spyder, and the newest Porsche Supercar, the Carrera GT. Between the six cars in that tent, there was probably close to five million dollars worth of machinery. But that wasn't all. "Isn't that Al Unser?!", #1 exclaims. Wow. The man with the most Indy 500 wins in history is here. I'm scared. We meekly moved up to him, and presented our programs to be signed, he happily complied. He seems like a nice guy, honest too. "If I had one of these," He told my Dad, gesturing to the Carrera GT he was sitting next to, "I'd be in jail all the time."

We wandered around the paddocks and looked at some of the cars that would participate in the races. We saw some amazing cars, a Ferrari 512, a Porsche 908 and a 910, a bunch of 911s, a 935/78, a few Alfas, and a Ford Escort. Another interesting car that caught our attention was an old fashioned Bentley Speed Six. This car was one step away from being a stage coach. As we examined it, #1 jokingly suggested that it might be coal powered, I raised him one by suggesting that the massive cowling was there to provide room for the midget who shovels the coal in.

Right before lunch, the PA announced a special Porsche only race in honor of Porsche's 60th anniversary. My Dad and I scanned the list of cars in the racing program, and started to talk about which car we thought would win. We both agreed that the 935/78 would most likely take it away, but the 910 might make a fight of it. Then we were treated to a gift that made the whole day worthwhile. As the cars rumbled around in their seeded positions on their pace lap, they came around the corner and came into view. The 935/78 was in first, as expected, the 910 was in 3rd. In between the two rode the 917K that had been sitting in the display tent. That wasn't on the program. Just majestic. And as the race went on, the cars spaced out, and you could really get a feel for the different sounds of the different cars, pure auditory overload. It was great. The 935/78 did win, but I loved watching that 917.

I ate a light lunch of BBQ pork and rice, and drank a lemonade. We moved from the outfield to the infield to watch the races get going. We started out watching the first few uneventful races from just downrange from the downward hill, with a good view of the switchback turn.

We moved to get a great view of the backstretch to watch the Historic Small Bores, and Large Bores. The small bore race was interesting. For the first three laps it was dominated by a Lotus Seven, followed by several Porsche 356s. The Lotus Seven inexplicably had an inside out umbrella stuck to the back of the chassis, it probably should have been black flagged, but it was leading. It lost the umbrella on the 4th lap. It also lost the lead. Porsche 356s took 1st through 3rd, and the Seven came in 4th.

The Historic Large bores was really a two car race. Two late 60's Corvettes, one the A model, one the B model. The Blue and White B Model built up a dominating lead. The American Flag adorned A model kept within a reasonable distance. When they hit the back of the pack and began to lap cars, the A model used the traffic well to close the gap, and nearly make a pass on the last lap right in front of us. The B model clearly had the better driver, and fended off the takeover attempt for the win.

We moved up the the Grandstand to watch the Medium bores. The light rain that had persisted for the last hour let up, and the track began to dry. Up front there was a BMW M3, a White Porsche 911, a blue 911, and a red 1969 Ford Escort. Behind them was a bunch of tiny 2 door BMWs and Alfa Romeros that I can only describe as a swarm, and one very loud, very green 911. What made this race interesting was the changing conditions of the track. The White 911 had opted to go with racing slicks, assuming the track would dry quickly. The Escort and the M3 had opted for Rain Tires, assuming the rain would return. The rain didn't return, but the track dried slowly. The M3 built up a sizable lead, and the Escort forced its way up from 4th to 2nd. The 911 fell back all the way to 5th. However, the track dried. After lap three, the track had dried enough that the 911 could get its wheels on the ground, and put its power to use. As it gained ground, the underpowered Escort fell back in the standings, finishing 4th. On the last lap, the 911 had finally clawed it's way back into second place, and as soon as it hit the final straight away, the driver floored it. Eating up the course, and rapidly closing the gap on the M3. In a photo finish, the M3 staved off the 911's last charge. Great race.

As we moved back to the back stretch to watch the group 7 race, the rain started up again. Group 7 was the showstoppers group. F1, F2, FV, F5000, and some Can-Ams. Unfortunately, a lot of the cars scratched due to the rain. Including the 935/78, the Ferrari 512, and the McRae GM1. The 935 and the GM1 were the real losses, as they were expected to challenge for first. Instead, a Tyrell F1 car laid waste to the field, lapping all but two of the competitors. The real race was for 2nd place, where a Porsche 910 duked it out with two F5000 cars, who should have wiped the floor with it. But due to the weather conditions, the nimble 910 held on for 2nd place.

Once that race concluded, the skies really opened up, leaving rivers of water flowing across the asphalt, and thoroughly soaking us as we made our way back to the car.

I slept the whole way back, with a smile on my face.

Drink of the Moment: Red, White, and Blue

2008-07-04T13:29:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July people! Today we Americans celebrate our independence from the British. The British can celebrate too, as this is the anniversary of their not being responsible for us anymore.

What better way to celebrate than with a drink. So I present to you, the Red, White, and Blue Martini!

Take 1.5 ounces of Vodka, 1/2 an ounce of Blue Curacao, and 1/2 an ounce of cranberry juice. Stir with ice, and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a cherry dropped into the bottom of the glass.

The drink is going to be sweet, and highly alcoholic. Take a sip, and picture yourself enjoying the fireworks on a nice summer's night. Better yet, take a sip, and actually enjoy the fireworks on this nice summer's night.

Fixing College Football: The Authority

2008-07-03T14:43:00.000-07:00

The first underlying flaw in college football these days is the lack of a strong central authority. Teams do whatever they want, with by and large no real penalties, save every once in a while when the oddball tribunal decides to sanction a program. Even then, the only team that ever really felt the hit was SMU in 1987.

If you look at the history of the major sports leagues in America, you will notice that each of them came to prominence not by the labors of the players, or the owners, but by a strong commissioner. Great players and savvy owners help, but they will never put a league over the top by themselves. Major League Baseball came into prominence after Kenesaw Mountain Landis stabilized the leagues with an iron fist. Most people give credit to Pete Rozelle with giving the NFL the promised land, but in truth, he was only playing Joshua to Bert Bell's Moses. The NBA was faltering until the steady hand of Larry O'Brien cleaned up shop. Strong commissioners build strong leagues.

As it stands, the NCAA sets up discretionary rules, but the day to day running of the monster that is college football rests in the universities. Each one has its own standards, and looks out for its own interests. This dispersion of authority makes it difficult for broad changes to take place.

In the place of this system, a commissioner of college football needs to be appointed. He should have the power to rule on sanctionable offenses, eligibility issues, funding, and crowning a champion. The commissioner will be empowered to set up deputy commissioners who will oversee the individual cases in each subject.

The Commissioner should be someone with a solid background in mediation. This is evidenced by Landis being a judge, and O'Brien being a cabinet member under LBJ. A footing in business and sports law would be good, but isn't required as much a strong personality. The first name that sprang to mind was Nebraska AD and former congressman, Tom Osbourne. Then another important criterea came up, impartiality. While I would feel confident that Osbourne would be a solid commissioner, I can think of some Oklahoma fans who would be crying foul the whole time. As I looked through the list of former commissioners, most didn't attend an FBS College, and worked through the league office, rather than with a specific team. This allowed for objectivity, which is a must in this situation, not only from the commissioner, but towards the commissioner.

With a strong central authority consolidating power, it will smooth the transitions that college football will go through as it becomes a fair and competitive league.

Drink of the Moment: White Russian

2008-07-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

Here's a drink that I often enjoy.

The White Russian originated, like myself, in Oakland, California. The name refers to the "White Movement" an anti-Bolshevik group that operated in Russia during World War I, and the interbellum years. Beyond the name, and the use of vodka, the drink actually has very little to do with Russia, but it's nice to think otherwise.

When made properly, the White Russian is a smooth drink, with a hint of coffee flavor. A sort of alcoholic's mocha. Starbucks should sell these, then maybe I'd actually consider going into one of those pits of despair.

To make the White Russian, you need Vodka, a Coffee Liqueur, such as Kahlua, and a dairy product, either milk, cream, or half and half. Take a old fashioned glass and drop some ice into it. This drink is always served on the rocks, the ice diffuses and chills the creamer. Served straight up, this drink is barely palatable. Next add 1.5 ounces of vodka and 2/3 ounce of Kahlua, and stir. Float 1 ounce of creamer over the top, and slowly stir the creamer into the drink. Take a sip, and picture yourself braving the cold Moscow winter. Be glad you're inside enjoying the drink.

Here are a few variations on the drink. First, if you stop at the Vodka and Kahlua stage, you have what is called a Black Russian. If you substitute the creamer for Coke, you get what is called a Smith and Wesson. Replace the vodka with SoCo, and you've got a Rebel Russian. Finally, switch the vodka for scotch, and you get a drink aptly named, Aggravation.

Fixing College Football: The Overview

2008-07-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

Everyone hates the BCS. Few things this side of Hitler incur the kind of grief the BCS pulls in. Everyone wants a playoff. They think that's the best way to figure out who's the better team. Here's the problem, blindly instituting a single elimination playoff while leaving the fundamental flaws in the system will only make things worse.

These are the problems we face in college football.

Lack of strong central authority.
Holding too closely to the idealistic view of amateur sports.
Lack of standardized conferences.
Too much outside influence from the Polls.
The apartheid between BCS conferences, and the Mid Major Majority.
Lack of standardized scheduling
Funding disparities.

These are the fundamental problems that college football, and indeed most intercollegiate sports, have built themselves upon. That said, college sports are not completely without merit. There are certain things that can, and should be preserved.

They are...

Tradition
Rivalries
The concept of the student athlete
The Bowl Games
Integrity

Those five items are what separates intercollegiate sports from the professional ranks. They are what we need to keep in order to keep the identity of college football intact. Everything else needs to get stripped away, and replaced with a more competitive model.

In several future posts, I will go into great detail over how each step should be handled. This will be a dramatic overhaul, drawing ideas from the NFL, the NCAA, the BCS, the English Football League, and others. There is no way in hell everyone would agree to implement my system, at least not immediately, but I'm here to give you a taste of what football would be like, in a perfect world.

Dammit All...

2008-07-03T00:29:00.000-07:00

Now I'm going to have to buy a DS...

Language Week 2008

2008-07-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I promised that I would do a post in a foreign language. It's been eight years since I used my portuguese, so I will bet that this is going to be rusty as hell. Do not hold it against me.
Como mencionei em um post anterior, estou viciados para o sol. Tanto é assim, na realidade, que estou escrevendo esta mensagem ao ar livre, ao mesmo tempo agarrada a uma ténue melhor peça de rede sem fio de outra pessoa. Vamos ver se eu conseguir ter o posto máximo.

É incrível como o sol se sente muito diferentes em diferentes áreas. Parte do que é o clima envolvente. No Sul, é um "grosso" sol. É quente, e úmido, e se sente como você pode puxar a luz do sol direita para fora do céu. No Novo México, foi uma dura muito sol. Foi o sol do Velho Testamento Deus, distante, poderoso, e implacáveis. Aqui, em Washington, como eu escrevo isto, estou experimentando um sol muito fraco. Trata-se sentir mal. Mesmo decepcionantes.

Como o sol é onde você está?

Guest Post!

2008-06-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'm Teabelly. The Renaissance Man has been kind enough to give me space on his blog for the Twenty Something Bloggers blog swap. Attempting to come up with something to write has driven me mad for the past few days, and after trying to think of something universal that everyone can relate to, I gave up and decided to talk about myself. I'm lazy, what can I say?

In around six weeks I'm going holiday. Actually, I don't know if trekking through jungle can be called a holiday, surely it's an adventure instead? So fine, I'm going on an adventure. On 10th August I will leave this city behind and head off to Belize (with a looong stop over in New York first, and a shorter one in Texas), then across the border to Guatemala, then on down through the country to El Salvador. Just writing that out makes me feel tired, so god knows how I'll feel after two weeks wandering around with all my possessions strapped to my back.

I'm not much of an adventurer, it must be said. I like my comforts, I like having a bathroom nearby and the ability to shower regularly. I like clean clothes and straight hair. The last time I did anything nearly as hard core as this was a school trip to Pakistan aged 17. I hated almost every minute of it, didn't eat for two weeks and came home feeling like death. Frosties and cold milk have never tasted so good, let me tell you. So I'm pretty nervous about the trip, my last few trips abroad have been Europe and New York, nothing too exciting, and certainly no prospects of being stung by a scorpion. And my friend seems to think we're going camping in the jungle. I don't do camping in the countryside here, what on earth makes him think I'll do it there? I need a bathroom damn it, no negotiations there.

I'm trying to tell myself to be brave and go for it, because I'll never get another opportunity like it, but still, nerves are nerves and they don't listen to me trying to be rational. But I've got my trusty guidebook, which fills me with excitement when it describes all the places I could go (Tikal looks like the place to go if nothing else, but watch out for those monkeys!). And I've looked at the stories of people who have been and loved it, who tell you to be careful but that nothing bad has ever happened to them there, that the people are friendly and kind and it's the trip of a lifetime.

I'm ignoring the Foreign Office website with its hurricane warnings and statistics on theft and muggings and kidnappings. They're just trying to make sure I'm careful, right? There's no real cause for concern or anything…

Anyway, I have six weeks to prepare. Six weeks in which to get my injections and malaria tablets, walking shoes and hat, sunscreen, waterproofs (its wet season don't you know), insect repellent, mosquito net, sleeping bag, photocopies of my passport (just in case) and money, mustn't forget money, need that to buy all sorts of tat with which to weigh down my already huge rucksack.

I'm sure that's doable. Now I just need to find an extra dose of courage.

Food for Thought: Beer Muffins

2008-06-26T16:31:00.001-07:00

Contrary to popular belief, beer has uses other than inebriation. One of those is cooking. The simplest recipe that utilizes beer is the classic beer muffin. To make beer muffins, you will need...

Bisquick
Sugar
Beer

That's it. Start by getting a mixing bowl. Measure out 2 cups of Bisquick and add to the bowl. measure out 2 tablespoons of sugar and mix it in with the Bisquick. Take one standard bottle of beer and stir it into the mixing bowl. Stir the mixture until it attains a creamy texture. At which point, pour the mix into a muffin tin. Heat the oven to 350 degrees, and shove it in. Let it cook for 15-20 minutes, until it attains a light brown color. Take them out, let them cool, and then consume.

They're good with honey or butter. I'm not sure if the type of beer matters in the taste. I've only used cheap beer left from parties. I might try a high end dark beer for the next batch I make.

Intro to Liquor: Bourbon

2008-06-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

In a previous post, I ran into a bartender that didn't know how to differentiate Bourbon from other Whiskeys. This is a terrible situation. However, it is one that is easily remedied. Here's the down low on Bourbon Whiskey.

Bourbon Whiskey has been classified as a "Distinctive Product of the United States". As such, there are requirements placed on the production of Bourbon, by Congressional Mandate.

These requirements are:

It must be made from a grain mixture of at least 51% corn.
It must be no stronger than 160 proof (80% ABV).
Nothing other than water may be added to the mixture.
It must be aged in new, charred American Oak barrels.
Bourbon aged for less than 4 years in must have the duration of aging displayed on the label.
Whiskey that meets the above requirements, and has been aged for at least 2 years, may be labeled Straight Bourbon.

Most Bourbon qualifies as Straight Bourbon even though they might choose not to display it on the label. Most Bourbon brands usually up their mix to closer to 70% corn, to make a flavor more distinct from other types of whiskey.

First distilled in the Allegheny Mountains in 1785, in a large county named for a prominent French family called the Bourbons, all whiskey originating from this region had the name of the county stenciled on the casks. The majority of the liquors were corn based whiskeys.

All modern Bourbon is made through the Sour Mash process, originating from the Woodford Reserve Distillery. Sour Mash uses some of the fermented mash from the last run to create a proper Ph balance, and limit growth of bacteria.

The majority of Bourbon is now made in Kentucky, with a few brands operating in other states. Some of the more famous brands include Woodford Reserve, Jim Beam, Wild Turkey, Four Roses, and Makers Mark.

Bourbon is either served Neat or on the Rocks. Usually in an old fashioned glass. When used as part of a mixed drink, it can create drinks such as the Mint Julep, the Down Low, the Scrap Wrench, or the Three Wisemen.

Insult People in Style!

2008-06-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

Using the Shakespearean Insult Generator!

Thou puking dismal-dreaming mammet!

Thou impertinent sheep-biting flax-wench!

Thou craven dread-bolted codpiece!

Thou errant shard-borne nut-hook!

Thou cockered weather-bitten flirt-gill!

Don't understand what they mean? That's ok, neither will the unsuspecting people you spring them upon! Trash talk like the Bard!

Strangling the Student Athlete.

2008-06-25T13:04:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't follow college baseball very closely, the NCAA has implemented a new policy this past season, known as the "Compressed Schedule".

The compressed schedule is simply the NCAA not allowing teams to start playing baseball until February 22nd, a full 3 weeks after the old opening day of February 1st. What really hurts the schools is the NCAA's unwillingness to push the end of the season back, leading to said compression. What makes this system completely unbearable is the fact that the NCAA requires teams to play at least 56 games, and now, they require it to be done in 86 days.

As this article by Mark Schlabach attests, this is killing the student athlete. The rigorous requirements of the NCAA has some teams going on stretches where they play 15 games in three weeks. That's 3 weeks of class, just gone. You can't survive something like that.

The intent behind the rule was to allow for more equality between southern schools, and their northern compatriots who might not be able to play home games so early in the season do to weather. It's a nice idea, but it puts unrealistic strain on the athletes. You throw in rain delays, and things get even more cramped.

Here's the real problem. College sports schedules are not standardized. Some teams are playing exactly 56 games, some teams are playing well over 60. Some teams have 26 home games, some teams have damn near 40.

The solution is to standardize the schedule. Start the season on February 1st, and every team will play 56 games, 28 home, 28 away. The Southern Schools will host early in the season, and the Northern Schools will host latter in the season. This way, all things are balanced, and we can still carry on the season at a reasonable rate. It eases up on the athlete, and allows for a fair measurement when it comes time to select teams for the post season.

Fuck You, Yvonne, Fuck You.

2008-06-25T11:56:00.000-07:00

In a column released in the Boston Globe today, Yvonne Abraham decides to respond the the recent rioting in Boston by lambasting the everyone as "Neanderthals". Even more infuriating to me, is her opening paragraph...

You're back at your desk now, tapping away. Or you've gone home for a summer as a lifeguard or a retail associate. Or back to your mother's basement to play "Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots."

I don't condone the rioting, but what I don't like is the typecasting of the people who play video games as dimwitted fools who only extricate themselves from their caves to commit random acts of violence.

Then comes this extract...

To help make sense of this, I turned to an expert: Dave Czesniuk of
Northeastern University's Center for the Study of Sport in Society.

He does not mention the most salient fact, which is that you are dumber
than bricks.

Apparently sports fans are all drooling, uneducated psychotics....

I wish you'd get your press credentials yanked for this one. That column isn't reporting, it's ranting, and lacks even a modicum of the decor needed to pull it off. You're writing for the Boston Globe. That isn't some stand up comedy act, it isn't some radio shock jock show, it isn't a blog, and it's not right. You're no better than Don Imus, but at least people know what their getting when they turn on his show.

When you deal with sports, you are dealing with a phenomenon that affects the lives of millions of people. When there's a major event in the sports world, there are always going to be people who take things to far. It's wrong, but it's a fact. But what it isn't, is an excuse to insult everyone based on those overreactions.

You have disgraced your profession today, Yvonne. I hope it was worth it.

Not Really a Debate, but Whatever...

2008-06-24T18:08:00.000-07:00

Well, Moxie asked what the best dance scene in a movie is. Kinda vague. So here's the parameters I'm setting. I'm throwing out the dance movies. Half the time the actors in those aren't really actors, they're professional dancers with a teleprompter. Next, I'm limiting it to one style of dance, because sorting out weather a well done jazz dance beats out a well done waltz is too much work. So I'm picking Tango. I'm also limiting it to movies that saw a major release in the US. Finally, I'm basing it on my entertainment, not technical correctness.

So here are the best tangos in film history.

The most recent is the Tango shared between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in the 2005 film Mr. & Mrs. Smith. What makes this dance interesting are two main factors. One is the authentic music. The Assassin's Tango by John Powell is a wonderful piece that I actually keep in my music library. The second factor that makes it great is the styling. It's not a dance, it's a battle. The animosity between the characters is palpable. Combine it with some good acting, and you've got a very interesting scene.

In 1993, Raul Julia and Anjelica Huston performed a tango with paso doble elements, and a lot of special effects, in Addams Family Values. While there's some decent footwork, the dance itself isn't the centerpiece, it's how the dance illustrates the characters, and fits within the Addams Family framework. It's macabre, yet romantic, and also endlessly hilarious.

Scent of a Woman had Al Pacino play a blind man. But apparently he had better vision on the dance floor than anyone, including co-star Gabriele Anwar, gave him credit for. It's interesting how the dance starts out haltingly, as each dancer takes measure of the other, and eventually turns into a very passionate and impressive dance as they trust each other more.

In Never Say Never Again, the somewhat misguided 1983 remake of Thunderball, Sean Connery and Kim Bassinger share a tango, portraying 007 and Domino, respectively. it's a somewhat uneventful dance, but it's Sean Connery.

Lifeline

2008-06-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

In 2007, Ben Harper released his 8th album, Lifeline. Though the album artist is technically Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, like so many other bands, it might as well be called Ben Harper and the Generic Backup Band. Make no mistake about it, this is Ben Harper's vision, and no one else's.

The California native grew up on a steady diet of blues music, earning his fist big break by going on tour with the legendary Taj Mahal. Harper learned well under Mahal's tutelage, becoming an accomplished guitar player and vocalist. He released his first album, Welcome to the Cruel World, in 1994. His musical style and vocal range are very similar to Eric Clapton. Harper has found much success in Europe and South America, particularly Brasil, where his collaboration with Vanessa de Mata, "Bea Sorte/Good Luck" spent several weeks on top of the Brasil Top 100 tracks.

Lifeline was recorded on analog in one week in a studio in Paris. The Album garnered a 73 on Metacritic. It's 11 tracks, and 40.8 minutes long. It's a mellow alternative rock album with definite blues roots. It's not rigidly attached to that formula though, "Needed You Tonight" definitely is more of a gospel song than anything, and "Paris Sunrise #7" is a gorgeous acoustic instrumental. The lyrics are well thought out, and work well into the framework of the songs.

There are times where the short recording time does stand out, as there are some minor mastering issues, but nothing compared to my last review. If anything, the slight looseness on the album enhances the blues feel, making it seem almost more personal, like he's playing from a seat across the living room from you. However, while it enhances the slower songs, the more upbeat tracks do suffer slightly from it. Another factor of the recording blitz is the strain it puts on vocalists. On the final, title track, Harper's voice has lost significant range and tone. But these issues are really nothing major, just me nitpicking.

My favorite songs on the album are "Fight Outta You", "Younger Than Today", "Heart of Matters", and "Paris Sunrise #7".

You should give the album a listen, regardless of your taste in music. If you're a fan of blues music, like Eric Clapton, B.B. King, or Taj Mahal, or a fan of Soft Rock, like Jack Johnson, America, or The Eagles, it's certainly worth it to buy this album. I'm giving it an 8/10.

Misadventures on Fort Lewis.

2008-06-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, real long drill this time.

The entire battalion hauled themselves up to Fort Lewis, the nearest major Army base, for some heavy duty training. Being already in Washington, I got the go ahead from the platoon sergeant to report directly to Ft. Lewis, rather than driving 7 hours to Corvallis, spending 5 hours going back to Ft. Lewis, riding a bus for 5 hours back to Corvallis, and then driving 7 hours back to Port Townsend. Thank God, he saved me about $200 worth of gas.

We rolled up Thursday night, and immediately racked out. My platoon had to pull guard duty that night. I was practically dripping with excitement... no, wait, that was just the rain that night. I was tabbed to pull guard from 0400 to 0430, and wake up was at 0600. That does wonders for my energy levels the next day.

On Friday morning, we started the day with Short Range Marksmanship, or SRM. It was our only Live Fire range of the drill, and as such, the most dangerous. SRM consists of learning to shoot out of muscle memory at short ranges in different positions. Facing various directions, on the move, behind cover, and through portals. Because my own weapon was deadlined, I didn't get the opportunity to have a weapon that was zeroed to my particular style, so I had to use Kentucky Windage to account for that. It didn't look too pretty. To make the portal firing even more complicated, I couldn't just shove the barrel into the portal like some people could, due to my underslung 203.

After we wrapped up the SRM, the Brigade commander came and spoke to us about the upcoming deployment. I'll cover that in another post.

Because our platoon finished up early, the Platoon Sergeant decided to take us over to the adjacent sewer mock up, and show us how to clear a sewer system. There was no sewage in it, thank God, but the pipes started at a 4' diameter, and got smaller from there. It was hell on my knees.

After the company had their fill of SRM, we were loaded into a few deuce and a halfs, rucks and all, and shipped to our next training. While loading the deuce, one of the NCOs yelled for all the privates to pile on top of the rucks in order to seat all the NCOs. I knew that promotion to E-4 would have it's perks. :)

The next training was the HEAT, or Humvee Egress Assessment Training. One of the leading causes of deaths in theatre nowdays is a Humvee roll over killing the gunner. So they built these simulators. They're a mockup of the interior of a Humvee, but it's mounted on a gimbal so they can flip it and roll it. They stuffed us inside it, and showed us the rollover angles, 25% for an 1151, 30% for an 1114. Then they roll it over, and tell us to get out. If you've ever been inside a Humvee, you know it's a pretty cramped ride. I could barely move, and it took some contortionism in order to sort out how I was going to get out of the thing once it flipped over.

After everyone had their runthrough in the flipper, we piled back onto the deuces, and rolled out to the Convoy Fire range. Once there, we ate dinner, and sorted out who was riding in what truck. As a 203 gunner, I was relegated to being a dismount. Which essentially meant that I sat in the back of the vehicle, and tried not to look too bored. Things happened, other things exploded, I got out, stood by a tree pulling security, listened to other people shooting at the opfor, tried to keep the ants off of me, got back in the Humvee, and that was it. I was thoroughly bored with the whole thing.

Thankfully, that was the last training of the day. We racked out, and second platoon got to pull guard, and I actually got to sleep. Yay.

On Saturday morning, We kicked things off with a mounted traffic control point, or TCP. We rolled out to the site in our vehicles, and rushed to set up the signs and concertina wire to create the checkpoint. As usual, I got to pull lateral security. After the first vehicle passed through the check point, my squad leader came by and told me that they had found a railroad running parallel to the road on the other side, and they wanted me to go secure it to ensure no one could bypass us. Ok. As I pushed through the brush to get to the railroad, I saw a head pop up. The Opfor. I lit him up, and then SPC Munch, who was pulling short security on that side lit him up. In response, he pulled out a grenade sim, and threw it at me. I decided at that time it would be prudent to seek less dangerous grounds. As I pulled back behind cover. The opfor disappeared back into the woodline, never to be seen again. We rolled up the TCP, and called index.

Next on the menu was a dismounted TCP. We came upon our site, and established security. To prevent a situation like had occurred on the last iteration, I got tasked with immediately scouting the woodline for any avenues of approach. I found a nearby road about fifty meters out, so my new task was to pull security on that road. In a grove of Scotch Broom so tall I could barely see over it. Apparently, the search team got hit with a car bomb, then they dialed in some mortars in on us, and the whole time, I there, standing in the scotch broom, not seeing a damn thing. Oh, and trying to keep by partner from dying from his allergies. How fun. We broke contact after the mortar fire became sustained, and headed back to the TAA.

Back in the deuces... I think my foot was sawed off by a displaced KABAR... No, just numb.

We arrived at Leschi Town. Leschi Town is the most awesome urban combat range I've ever seen. Every building has furniture, every door can be breached, it's amazing. We ran a negotiation mission, where we were supposed to march into this neighborhood, while the PL conducts negotiations with the mayor. The goal was to convince the mayor to let us search the houses for weapon caches and insurgents. Each team got assigned to guard a building, and proceed to search it once the mayor arrived. My team got tasked with the two story behemoth. Which also turned out to be crawling with all the insurgents in the village. Fun!

As soon as the Mayor came out of his house, the insurgents decided to try and attack us. My team rolled right into the house, and cleared the bottom floor, leaving a trail of dead opfor in our wake. We killed 3 opfor on the first floor, and went to secure it so the adjacent teams could come in and clear the second floor. As I went to secure a room, I saw a flash of movement outside the window. I went and checked it out, thinking it was another opfor. Then I saw an M-107 strapped to the guys back, and decided that I was outclassed. Turns out that a special forces group was conducting a live fire sniper exercise in Leschi Town, and the sniper team decided to stalk through our AO. They also had the medics doing their training to the east. You don't want to know how the Special Forces Medics get practical experience. Those poor animals...

On the second iteration, things got a little uglier. The insurgents were spread to two different buildings. One was adjacent to the house we were guarding. When we took contact, we stacked at the side door. That door had a window nearby, I took a quick glance, and spotted one of the opfor inside. She pointed something at me, and I ducked back around the corner. A nerf football went flying out the window at incredible velocity. Turns out she had the simulated RPG. The simulated RPG was a piece of PVC Piping attached to an air compressor, with a nerf football crammed down it. It actually launches them pretty fast, and I'm sure it would hurt to get pegged with it. I sprayed her down through the window, and linked up with Corporal McGuffie inside to clear the rest of the first floor. Things quieted down after that, and I spent the rest of the iteration pulling security on the building.

Once again, back into the deuces. This time came with a twist. Because of the live fire sniper exercise, every road for five miles down range was shut down. So the drivers had to find new and exciting routes to get to our next range at Reagansville. They also had to hit every pothole and bump in the road on the way. Deuce and a halfs have no suspension for the rear beds, so every bump is really jarring. After we went up a hill, around the hill, down the hill, only to hit the exact same pothole as we had 20 minutes ago, people lost it. People either started laughing, or cursing, or both. It was hilarious.

After almost an hour crammed into the back of the dusty, overheated, and uncomfortable deuces, We arrived at Reagansville. Our mission was to conduct a raid on a two story building. We moved out into the woods, and setup an ORP out there. As the Platoon Sergeant took the squad leaders on a recon to scout the objective, the NCOIC came by and asked me why I was on a knee, and not in the prone like everyone else pulling security. This lovely little exchange occurred.

"You need to get in the prone, specialist."

"Do you see that, sergeant?" *Pointing at nearby plant*

"Yeah, so?"

"Do you know what it is?"

"No."

"That's poison oak, Sergeant, and it's all over the place."

"Oh... Carry on, specialist."

Yeah, I'm not planning on repeating last time I encountered that foul plant. The PSG returned, and we set up our raid. The three key principles of urban combat are Speed, Suprise, and Violence of Action. We had all three in spades. We rolled up on them, and our pointman, SPC White, managed to shoot every last opfor there, before any of us had a chance to get in on the action. We ran in, charged up the stairs, and cleared the whole two story building in about 20 seconds. Personally, I didn't like the lead element going straight to the second floor without clearing the first floor, because if the second element gets bounced before securing the first floor, you have no where to go, and will most likely get killed. But it worked out well.

we went to sleep the night, and woke up the next morning for a battalion formation. Nothing special happened. I got released to return home. Being hungry, I stopped at an IHOP for breakfast. I had a pair of banana walnut pancakes, two sausage links, some hashbrowns, and two eggs sunny side up. So good. I need to eat there more often.

Upon my arrival home, I said hello to the family, dropped my gear, and immediately dunked my sore and filthy body into a bathtub full of near boiling water. Once I was numb to the scalding heat it felt so good.

I fell asleep at 5 PM out of sheer exhaustion. At 8PM, my adorable little sister knocks on my door, launching my nude form out of bed from the sheer power of suprise. I wasn't sure of anything, who I was, where I was, what was happening, or how to speak english apparently. She got enough out of my raved babbling to figure out not to open the door. She sweetly informed me that Jeff was here. What the hell? Oh well, I put on some clothes, and staggered out to hang out with him.

We went over to his girlfriend's place, and played Super Smash Bros Brawl, and eventually got a raging campfire going outside. We hung out around the fire, smoked some cloves using unorthodox lighting methods, and discussed many random things, including the most morbid, yet ingenious business plan I have ever devised. Jeff produced a flint magnesium block the size of a hand eraser, and chucked it into the fire. That shit burns bright. It was hilarious. Before we knew it, it was 2 AM, and we realised we should probably get some rest.

In Service of the People.

2008-06-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

The next question in the 20SB debates comes from Vanessa Mason.

I saw in an article that Obama would like to strongly encourage community service in middle schools and high schools and give college students a tax break for contributing community service. I wanted to hear your thoughts on required community service. Thanks!

I would actually take this a step further. In nations like Israel, and to a lesser extent Brasil, there is a universal draft that requires people to commit to time spent in the military in service of the nation. Personally, I find the idea of a military draft to be a measure that should only be required in the most desperate of times, however, I find the idea of universal service a very appealing one.

I think that certain proactive rights, such as voting, holding office, attending post secondary school, and federal aid, should be earned, rather than handed out to everyone. Give back to the nation, and the nation shall give unto you.

I disagree with compulsory military service, as some people are not cut out for the battlefield and forcing them there can be disastrous. However, military service would be one way of satisfying the service requirement. Ideally, a program such as this would also offer a broad range of public jobs, from EMTs and Police Officers, to Bureaucrats, to construction. A wide range of options would not only allow for a wide range of choices, but would allow for all people to contribute in what manner they can. This would also give people valuable training and experience that could aid them in the future.

Taken to the next step, this program would also go a long way towards integrating the problems with immigration. If service guarantees citizenship, then all that is needed is for someone to report to this country, put in their time, and they can be assimilated into society.

Furthermore, it would instill a sense of camaraderie in a nation that, by dint of it's sheer size and ethnic diversity, often finds people having trouble making common ground between other citizens. All people, regardless of race, creed, or gender, would be able to point to their common service as a way to break the ice between themselves.

It's kind of a rough idea right now, but I think that Obama's idea is a good start.

Drink of the Moment: Mint Julep

2008-06-18T20:29:00.002-07:00

In an earlier post, a reader expressed his love of bourbon, and I promised to deliver unto him a cocktail which uses bourbon as its base. So here it is, the mint julep, the preferred drink of the proper southern gentleman.

There are many ways to prepare a mint julep. I'll teach you two, the one you can ask for in a bar, and the traditional method you can make when you're feeling decadent.

The more standard method of constructing a mint julep requires bourbon, mint leaves, crushed ice, sugar, and soda water.

First, take 4 to 6 mint leaves and 1 or 2 tablespoons of granulated white sugar. Drop them in the bottom of either a Collins or highball glass, and muddle them. Then fill the glass with crushed ice, and add 3 ounces of bourbon. Stir the mix, then fill with soda water. Add a mint sprig, stir it some more, and the drink is ready to serve. Sip the drink, and picture yourself watching the horses at Churchill Downs.

The more traditional method uses the same ingredients, minus the soda water. You need to get a mint julep glass, basically a silver goblet. Muddle 4-6 leaves of mint and 2 tablespoons of sugar, and muddle it in the bottom of the glass. Fill the glass with crushed ice, and add 3 ounces of bourbon and stir. Garnish with 4 sprigs of mint, and add a short straw. The idea behind the short straw and extra mint is to force the drinker to shove his nose into the mint, and inhale the scent of the mint combining with the scent of the bourbon. Enjoy the drink, and picture yourself on the porch of a Virginia plantation home on a hot summer's afternoon.

The mint julep has been embraced as the official drink of the Kentucky Derby. The Kentucky Derby also sells the most expensive mint julep in the world. Served in a 24k gold plated mint julep glass, it used Woolford Reserve bourbon, mint imported from Ireland, ice from the Bavarian Alps, and sugar from Australia. Costing a cool $1,000 dollars, the proceeds go to taking care of retired thoroughbred racing horses.

There are seemingly many variations of the Mint Julep, but in reality, they're all members of the same drink family, known as Smashes. A mint julep is a fancy name for a bourbon smash, a mojito is a rum smash, and a Kremlin colonel is a vodka smash. I guess if you used absinthe, it'd be a "Hulk Smash!", Patent Pending. All that changes is the alcohol.

A similar family of drinks are the Stingers. The variation there is that the mint and sugar is replaced with an ounce of creme de menthe. A stinger is usually served in a cocktail glass, neat, rather than in an ice filled Collins glass. It's creamier, and a little less sweet.

Intro to Liquor: Cachaça

2008-06-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned several Brasilian drinks on this blog before. They all have in common the fact that they are made using cachaça, the premier liquor of Brasil.

Cachaça is the product of the distillation of fermented sugarcane juice, between 76 and 96 proof, with up to six grams per liter of sugar added. The distillation from a sugarcane base puts it very close to rum. The primary difference being that rum is distilled either from fresh sugarcane juice or molasses. Cachaça is traditionally distilled in a copper pot still, this produces three runs.

The smaller cachaça distilleries, the equivalent of American microbrew beer, use only the middle run, as the first and third contain contaminants that change the flavor. The distiller then ages the cachaça. There is no standard for the wood used, so different distilleries use different woods, allowing for a wide range of flavors in the cachaça market. Larger, industrial distilleries use a column still, which produces a continuous run, which alters the taste due to the contaminants. These industrial distilleries also usually don't age their drink, and simply market it straight at the lower class consumer. Brasilians drink 396 million gallons of cachaça each year.

Cachaça has a long history in Brasil, dating back to the 16th century. It was originally derived from sugar mills, where the sugarcane juice was left after the sugarmaking process. It would ferment, and become a low quality alcohol called cagaça. This fluid was given to the slaves to drink. Eventually, someone got the bright idea to distill the cagaça, and yielded modern cachaça.

There are two types of cachaça, white and gold. Gold cachaça is usually aged, and used as a single drink, while white cachaça is used more for mixed drinks. Cachaça tastes similar to rum, but with more depth of flavor. However, it also has a rather unique odor, that some do not care for.

If the odor, caused by the rapid evaporation of the liquor, bothers you, a quick fix is to drink it from a tall thin glass, which limits the evaporation. This is called martelinho, or the "little hammer".

My prefered brand of Cachaça that can be obtained readily in the US, is Leblon Cachaça . Named after the upscale part of Rio, Leblon uses XO Cognac flasks to age their cachaça, producing a smoother flavor than most brands. It also comes with a massive recipe book, that'll keep you occupied for a while.

Cachaça is becoming a popular drink here in the states. Jump on the leading edge of style, and enjoy the Brasilian drink of choice.

Moving On...

2008-06-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

My God it's been a long weekend.

Things started on Thursday. Having finished my finals the previous day, that most glorious day that I've had circled on my calendar arrived. The release of Metal Gear Solid 4! Hot damn. This was the first game I actually pre ordered, ever. Nothing short of the Second Coming of Christ would keep me from getting this game. I actually woke up at 7 AM on a day where I was not required to, in order to get this game.

Except perhaps... The sun. After my earlier post, it seems the sun had seen it's shadow, and doomed us poor souls to an eternity of bleak Oregon weather. That is, until the day Metal Gear Solid 4 came out. As a person of Brasilian descent, who has spent a good chunk of his life living in the tropics, I am addicted to sunlight. I can tan beautifully, and it takes months for said tan to wear off. I literally cried when, after over a year in the Pacific Northwest, I was as white as a ghost. I went through withdrawal.

So now you can see my conundrum. Sunlight? Or the awesome power of Metal Gear? These are the decisions that try men's very souls. Fortunately, in a move that had me almost certainly looking like a complete moron, I could have my cake, and eat it too. The most wonderful thing about the seventh generation of consoles is the advent of practical wireless controllers. I turned the TV around, and sat outside my apartment, in the sun, playing the game through the window for several hours. The game is amazing, expect me to drown you with it as soon as I find the time.

As the day went on, I was invited to my friend Alexa's going away party. She was moving on to bigger and better things, like flight school. Lucky bitch. Because of some unrelated purchases, I was in the neighborhood, and stopped by a 9 PM sharp. Apparently I was the only one who showed up on time. Even Kristen, who lives in the house, wasn't ready by the appointed time. How very German of me. I brought along a bottle of Level Vodka. We had some shots, and tried my best to avoid accidentally crushing Kristen's hideous free range cat, Momo. Alexa baked some bread, and made a nice dip out of balsamic vinegar and olive oil. It was damn good. She also laid out the remainder of her alcohol, and begged the party goers to consume it for her. She had a shaker, and I went to town on it. I constructed this monster.

2 parts parrot bay coconut rum.

2 parts Grenadine

2 parts bacardi 151 rum.

1 part cran-blueberry juice

Add liquor and shake hard, strain into a frosted pint glass, add juice, fill with club soda, and stir.

That beast was essentially six shots of 90 proof liquor, and it tasted like absolutely nothing. Slight hint of grenadine, but other than that, it was like drinking down thick water. I was terrified, because every sip I took, I wanted to just chug it down because my tongue tells me it's not strong enough. However, my brain, which watched me construct it, knows how strong it is. And after I develop a pretty heavy buzz off of 2/3s of the glass, I know how strong it is.

I met up with Ed, Amy, and Andy, and we talked about Andy's motorcycles, our mutual alcoholism, and the fact that Ed looks uncannily like a 10" shorter me. The conversation continued in interesting directions, until I got looped into a few beer pong games. I would like to think I acquitted myself quite well in those games, despite a terrible foul. I even dragged out a victory with Kristen as my partner, a feat thought impossible. During one rather entertaining game, Jordan had to skip out to puke mid game, and got replaced. An act I later used to sub myself into a game to help Lacey's terrible team.

After my idiot foul got us bumped of the table, I saw CJ had shown up, with Michelle and Bryan in tow. Apparently Michelle no longer wishes for my agonizing death via cancer. Yay! I'm moving up in the world. We shared shots of Level Vodka, which was quite smooth, and I began to set the stage for CJ to come help me move my junk from my apartment to storage. Seeing as he's the only person in our mutual circle who owns a truck, he was doomed to spend the entire weekend moving stuff for literally everyone he's ever met.

At about 1 AM, my friend Tony crashed the party, not knowing I was there, sporting an awkwardly faked Australian accent, and a little blond girl on his arm. Well, I'm not about to try and cock block my friend based on something as little as faking being Australian. So I let them drink in bliss. All of a sudden, Tony grabs me, and mentioned to the girl that I used to live in the south. She asks me where, and I told her New Orleans, Alabama, and Georgia. She saw fit to correct me, "You lived in N'awlins, 'Bama, and that other state."

Dammit woman, not everyone who's lived in the south speaks with the accent of a fucking idiot. She mentioned she lived in Shreveport. Whatever. Then she saw my dog tags. "Oh, you're in the Marines? You know Camp Pendleton? That's me."

At that point I was getting angry. "Don't confuse me with a Jarhead, girl."

She proceeded to go on a rant about how the Marines are her family. I asked her bluntly, "Are you in?"

To which she replied an unqualified no. "Then don't lecture me on service."

She got all indignant about how she couldn't believe I was showing so much disrespect to her family. "What your great grandfather did has no bearing on how I treat you. There is no royalty in America, you earn your respect. You aren't given it."

At that point, she was a awfully flustered, and asked my if I lived here. When I said no, she told me that she thought I should leave. She was trying to kick me out of my friends party, that she crashed? Incredible. I refused, and she grabbed Tony, and dragged him out of the party. Good Riddance.

Immediately afterwords, a guy who was standing nearby, Mark, looked at me. I realised that I was pretty drunk, and I might have been a real jerk. So I asked for a third party perspective from Mark and his wife, Lacey. She was a bitch, and they were surprised I didn't drunk toss her ass out at the word go. Vindication. To be honest, judging from her accent, and lack of any knowledge of military principle, I'd say she's probably some puffed up bitch who was trying to back me down without any actual truth to her stories. Either that, or General Pendleton is rolling in his grave right now. She certainly sounded more like she was from Salem than Shreveport.

The party wound down after that, and the rest of the night was saying goodbyes, and making sure the really drunk people got home safely. Aaron gave me a ride home, and I passed out on my couch.

Friday became game day. I spent pretty much the whole day devouring MGS 4's amazing story.

On Saturday, I prepped my apartment for the move back to Washington.

On Sunday, CJ rolled by, an I traded him two bottles of Irish Cream, a Bottle of Sake, and a bottle of Merlot for his help moving my stuff. As we hauled my futon to the storage facility, we discussed stuff such as Dave Mustain's amazing hair, bands that are essentially a cult of personality around one person, and woodland firefighting.

Monday morning, I rode back up to Washington, and am now frantically attempting to avoid letting the Guard ruin yet another summer. Wish me luck.

Video Game Humor.

2008-06-11T23:20:00.000-07:00

Luckiest Halo 3 Kill Of All Time - Watch more free videos

Rube Goldberg decided to play Halo 3.

And for the PS3 owners...

Hideo Kojima slaps Microsoft in the face.

No Age - Nouns

2008-06-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

I recently got my hands on the new album by the band No Age, Nouns. No Age is an experimental rock band, based in LA, and signed to the label Sub Pop.

Sub Pop is known for working with artists like Death Cab for Cutie, Flight of the Conchords, Hole, Nirvana, the Smashing Pumpkins, and Soundgarden.

The album as a whole is pretty short, burning through 12 tracks in just over a half hour. The whole album has a very unprofessional, garage band type sound to it. Mike static and amp feedback is left on the vinyl, and often overpowers the songs themselves. The album is also very unbalanced aurally, with some very high pitched tones, but minimal bass to balance it out. There's quite a bit of overdubbing done, to make up for the fact that the band only has two members. Nouns pulled in a 78 on metacritic.

The first track, "Miner", is fast, dissonant, lacking in any bass whatsoever, and the lyrics are very difficult to make out.

"Eraser" is a little more coherent. The high strung guitars still drown out most of the lyrics.

"Teen Creeps" has an annoying feedback in the background that hurts my ears.

"Things I did when I was Dead" features a specifically engineered dissonance, generated by taking the same vocal track, and layering it twice, the second time a split second behind the first.

"Cappo" is the first track that I found genuinely listenable. The drummer is actually fairly talented.

"Keechie" is an okay ambient piece, but it really seems like someone just decided to tape a band's warm up session.

"Sleeper Hold" is a pretty good song. They have solid tempo variance. But the lyrics are a bit repetitive.

The lyrical delivery on "Errand Boy" is really bland. But the guitar work is decent.

"Here Should Be My Home" is dissonant, and the lyrics gradually get buried by the guitar work. It almost seems like the guitarist and lyricist are going through a spat over who's the most important member of the band. It's kind of cute, in a high school garage band sort of way.

"Impossible Bouquet" starts off with a strained amp static noise in the background that really bothered me. It spoiled the song for me, which is a shame, because the string work on the guitar is good.

The cleanest song on the album is probably "ripped knees". Even including the last minute which is just a few guitar chords on a badly tuned amp.

The last track is "Brain Burner", it has the most audible lyrics of the album.

In the end, most of Nouns is noise, and combined with the repetition, it shapes up into an audio assault on your eardrums. I finished listening to this album, and shortly thereafter developed a nasty headache. The image I got while listening to the album was of a couple of high school kids trying to emulate the overdubbing style that made Billy Corgan famous, only to completely forget that it only works if the layers are sonically distinct.

Perhaps you might enjoy music like this, but I do not. It's not Metal Machine Music cacophonous, but you can see it from here. I really can't recommend this album to anyone. I'm giving it a 3/10.

Next Question...

2008-06-10T21:41:00.000-07:00

The New Debate is up.

At first glance, I'm sure it's easy to say that, "no, stealing is never okay." Yet, when we delve a bit deeper and throw in a few circumstances this opinion may, in fact, change.

It's a bit like the Robin Hood theory of stealing from the rich to feed the poor. Let's say you're a mom of 6, your significant other has just passed away, you were laid off because of the horrible economy and have no way to sustain the lives of your 6 kids. As a last ditch effort, you begin to nab food.

Is this acceptable?

Or, let's say you're someone that happens to know a little too much about torrents and/or downloading music.

Is this acceptable?

Better yet, what if you or someone you know is just an out-right kleptomaniac? Then what?

Here's my take.

In America, there isn't poverty to the extent that thievery becomes a necessity. There are enough social programs available to take care of the poor that you can get food and shelter. It might not be pretty, but it's out there, and it's legal. You know what they say, beggars can't be choosers. There are soup kitchens, homeless shelters, and getting a job is not that hard. Getting a job that you enjoy is what's hard. If you can't put food on the table, but you think that working at McDonald's is beneath you, that's your own choice.

In Brasil, it's a different story. In the favelas, some people depend on thievery for the basics of survival because the programs that are out there are not enough. It's acceptable when you have no choice, because at that point, it becomes a matter of survival, and if you have to take from others to ensure your survival, well, then they need to protect their stuff better. But by the same coin, you are not entitled to their belongings, so if you can't take it, don't expect to be given it. In places like that, it's a state of nature, and survival of the fittest is the rule. Be glad you're not there.

With regards to digital file transfer of music, movies, or games, this is how I look at it. As art in the public domain, if the artists wish to profit from their work, they need to make it available to the public. If there's a book not being printed, a movie or album no longer being pressed, or a game no longer being produced, by all means, download it. However, if the means exist for you to obtain the work in a manner that keeps the artist in the loop, then you are obligated to take that route.

And Kleptos? Just get some medication, just because it's supposedly a disease doesn't mean it's right.

The Last Weekend.

2008-06-10T20:31:00.000-07:00

In more ways than one.

On Friday I met my friends at American Dream Pizza for our usual pre salsa meal. American Dream's latest claim to fame was Obama's struggle to keep their pizza in his mouth. :) The pizza's good, and it's the only place I've found that's willing to put salmon on a pizza. However, the part of the place I like best is the Crowbar.

I found the Crowbar on my 22nd birthday, having no clue about it's connection to American Dream. It has a back alley entrance, and a wrought iron overhang sign that screams old school dive. It looked as good a place as any to finish off my birthday. We staggered in, and it was... surprisingly post modern. However, the bartenders are actually good, and they serve ten different varieties of the Kamikaze. Plus, you can have good pizza, and good booze at the same time. Yum.

However, I digress. We had pizza, and I had a kamikaze. We talked and ate, and laughed at the connotations of the combinations of Tristan and Willow's names once they get married, the names of other people, the fact that my mom wanted to name me Raphael, and as always, time passed. We soon found that it was nine o'clock, and meandered our way to Platinum.

Latin X kicked off, and I drank far too much. Unlike the Crowbar, the bartenders at Platinum are... less than proficient. However, I used that to my advantage. They run a deal that before 11, well drinks cost $1. I managed to convince them that a caipirinha is a well drink. Essentially 3 shots of rum for one dollar! Hot damn. I had 4 of them, and wound up buying rounds for the whole table. I threw in a couple of Vodka and Tonics, and I was unusually drunk, on less than $15.

The hilarious moment occurred when I was talking with Tristan about our experiences in the military, mine in the Army, his in the Marines. As he regaled me with tales of a Marine SGT who was too dumb to live, Chris walked up, and slapped me on the shoulder, and caused me to spill my drink. Oh, well. I switched the drink to my other hand to avoid further traffic from disrupting my alcoholism. Twenty seconds later, Bill walks by, and hits my other shoulder, causing me to spill more of my recently relocated drink. Tristan cracked up. I chugged my drink down, to prevent any further problems.

I drank, and danced, and talked. I tried to find Simona's camera to take some pictures. Someone beat me to the punch, and the camera disappeared for about 2 hours, and Simona got all overprotective of it when it was found. C'mon, I'm trustworthy...

I decided to have a Mint Julep for my final drink. I talked to the bartender, and as usual, he had no clue how to make it. As I walked him through it, this exchange occurred...

"Add Bourbon."

"Which kind?"

"What kind do ya'll stock?"

"We have Irish, Tennessee, Kentucky..."

"NO. Just use that bottle of Jim Beam."

Irish Bourbon? I died a little inside when I heard that. I also cried a little when he strained the mint out of my drink. What the Hell. No tip for you.

As usual, time passed, and before I knew what was happening, the lights got turned on, and Simona kicked us all out. Talking with Nate on the way home, he and Dave invited me over to La Conga for late night Mexican food. At 2:35 in the morning, La Conga was packed. I'd love to see their hourly business estimates. While we were devouring our burritos, we were joined by Roger and Alana, and a couple of Roger's friends. After the food was gone, we went to Nate's house, and danced a little bit more. Dave, being our resident Hawaiian, showed us some Maori dances, and Nate and Alana showed off their rumba skills. I danced a little casino with Alana. Fun was had, and I didn't wind up home until 4:30.

I spent a good chunk of Saturday sleeping. I woke up at 1, and dragged myself over to the TV to watch the Belmont Stakes. This was supposed to be Big Brown's triple crown victory lap. As I was watching the warm ups, I was bouncing around on a football message board I frequent when bored. In an off topic thread about the Belmont, I called Da'tara winning. Take that!

Saturday night, well, Sunday morning technically, Mike IM'd me, demanding food. He swung by, and we hung out at his place, as he ordered pizza. Pizza Pipeline said that it would be about an hour for delivery. We figured it was a Scotty-esque overstatement to keep us from getting our expectations up. 55 minutes later, our pizza arrived. Wow. Mike had gotten his hands on a leaked copy of Beast With a Billion Backs, so we watched that. I wound up passing out on the couch.

I woke up at about ten o'clock, and none of Mike's roommates really cared about the giant curled up in their living room. That just goes to show what kind of house it is.

After shaking off my grogginess, I fired up their 360, and played some Halo 3. That's my one regret about going with a PS3. MGS4 completely outweighs it, but I do miss Halo. I love the mythology of the game, and the soundtrack is glorious. I might buy that soundtrack. When Mike woke up, we played some Metal Slug 3. Old school, nintendo hard games, designed to suck the quarters out of you pockets. I went through 39 continues. At 50 cents a pop, you're looking at damn near $20 gone, to beat 5 levels.

After ordering another pizza, we hunkered down to watch the NBA Finals game 2. That game went from a massive blowout, to inexplicably becoming a game at the end. That just goes to show, you really only need to watch the 4th quarter of an NBA game.

I wound up getting home at 10:30, and went pretty much straight to sleep. A good end.

Planetfall

2008-06-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

John Burnett is an extremely talented man. He runs his own website at www.thewingless.com. He's a talented musician, a great programmer, a good writer and artist, and certainly on of the best website designers I've ever seen.

Thewingless.com is a beautiful website. It quietly conceals most of his work under the guise of a sci-fi themed metaplot which is really quite interesting. For those of you who want to cut straight to the content, just click on the green buttons, but keep in mind that you're missing out. The music is haunting, with a kind of sunrise at Mecca feel to it.

His latest project is a Sci-Fi epistolary novella called Planetfall. Planetfall is the story of the crew of the NSEA Demosthenes, an interplanetary vessel with a crew of 64 people. As the ship and crew are pushed to the limit to attempt to meet a deadline, catastrophe strikes. In the light of the new developments, very hard decisions have to be made. The story really deals with how the various members of the crew deal with this event, and how the ties that bind them together as a crew begin to break down when they are forced to place the crew ahead of themselves.

In a way, the Sci-Fi setting is an almost irrelevant MacGuffin. The story isn't about the ship, it isn't about the technology, and it certainly isn't about space. It's about the people. It's about what people are willing to do to ensure their fortunes at the expense of others, and how that can backfire. You could take the same people, and put the on a boat, or an island, or a city, and the social lessons don't change. The work it most reminds me of is William Golding's Lord of the Flies. Just as in Golding's work, this is about civilization.

The story is presented in a very minimalistic and clean flash setup. Burnett also applied an ambient soundtrack comprised of a piano and violin duet that combines the aspects of the page, and makes the story extremely immersive. The story is very well written. The only chink I could find is that some of the characters' mannerisms come off as a little too, I don't want to say snobbish... literarilly experienced? There are times when it seems like it's not a security guard and a technician arguing, but two english professors. But that's a pretty minor flaw.

Planetfall is certainly worth a read. Spread the word.

The Beast With a Billion Backs.

2008-06-08T23:19:00.000-07:00

Thank God, they're back at it. :)

Thankfully, the fine folks who produce Futurama have finished their second movie. Following directly after Bender's Big Score, they hop right back into it with The Beast With a Billion Backs.

Things are beginning to settle back to normal, despite the hole torn in the very fabric of reality by the thousands of doomed Benders still looming overhead. Fry has a new girlfriend, Kif and Amy are preparing for their Fonfonrou ceremony, and the Professor is attempting to organize an expedition to study the anomalous tear in space.

The Audio and Visuals shouldn't need any explanation. The story is a little disjointed in the middle, but gets sewn up nicely in the end.

While Beast doesn't have the same level of fan service as Big Score does, quite a few of the minor characters in the series make a return. Calculon, Hedonism Bot, Dr. Ogden Wernstrom, Kif and Zap, the Wongs, and Morbo all have significant screen time.

Brittany Murphy guest stars as the voice of Fry's new girlfriend, Colleen. David Cross plays Yivo, a new entity from the other side of the doom rift. Dan Castellaneta returns as the Robot Devil. Stephen Hawking plays himself, for what that's worth.

It's worth watching for a good laugh if your familiar with the series, and certainly worth buying if you're a fan of the series.

The People's Mario

2008-06-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering how dark a cutesy game like Mario can be...

Pretty Fucking Dark.